Saturday, January 31, 2009
Tavaar's Backstory
If you are a new/recent visitor and would like to (easily) find the earlier posts of Tavaar's Backstory, I have added a new label just for her. Just go to the Labels section on the side bar and click on Tavaar. You will get all of the posts. That way, you can catch up - if you desire.
Tavaar - 30th Edition
Tavaar is now beginning to include Sashwa and Wheylin in on her plan. This passage is a continuation of yesterday's. Sashwa speaking to Tavaar.
Formatting: Text notes; Text narrative; Blog notes.
“What made you change your mind? Gwihnna’s advances?”
“Partly.”
“What else?”
“You!”
“Me?”
“Yes, you. You’re always telling me how much fun you’re having. I finally had to have some of my own.”
Sashwa began laughing.
“What’s funny?” asked Tavaar.
“Gwihnna. Why do you think they haven’t tried to keep us apart? Gwihnna knows I tell you everything. She was hoping you would get worked up. Only she thought you would go to Kelenbah. It never occurred to her you would choose Wheylin. Hmm. Now that I think of it, the little ditz owes me big time.”
Tavaar smiled wickedly. “Are you sure you sure you don’t want an evening with him?”
“Stop that! I haven’t had my breakfast. So, are you ready to tell me what else is going on?”
“What makes you think something else is going on?”
Sashwa gave another ‘don’t feign ignorance with me’ look. “Did it really take you all day to convince Bolar to make you real potion instead of tea? What are you planning, and can I help?”
Tavaar smiled at her friend’s quick study. It was not easy for her to hide anything from Sashwa, and seldom did she bother to try. So she told her her original reason for going and how Bolar disliked the plan.
“I could have told you that,” said Sashwa. “You didn’t trust me?”
Tavaar looked apologetically at her friend. “I just figured you would say that,” she said.
“Because I want to keep you with me? Fair enough. But, Darling, you are more important to me than just that. Remember that.”
“I will. I’m sorry.”
Sashwa shrugged. “Go on. So you suggest having Wheylin’s baby in order to get away. Bolar’s response is to say no to that and tells you to just take the real drink. What else?”
Tavaar blushed. “Well, that wasn’t exactly what happened,”
Sashwa picked up on this immediately. “What did you do?”
Tavaar laughed before answering with a resigned sigh. “I asked him to be the father of my child.”
Sashwa's eyes were wide and her mouth hung open before she could speak.
“You what? Tavaar, you are completely and without doubt the most wanton girl I know. By the King, Darling, he must be a hundred years older than you.”
“I know. That’s what he said. He turned me down flat.”
“Humph. Not only is he old, but he’s out of his mind, too. Why would you ask him that? I mean, I know you two love each other, but not like that. Do you?”
Tavaar shrugged. She appreciated Sashwa’s indirect compliment. The truth was she would have willingly gone through with it.
“I was frightened by Gwihnna’s premonition. If I was going to be unfaithful, I would rather it was with someone I loved rather than…”
“Kelenbah. Or someone you just met, or didn’t really love at all?”
“Yes.”
“Well, don’t worry, Darling. You won’t have a child with someone like that.”
“So you agree with Bolar? You think Gwihnna lied?”
“What?”
“Bolar said Gwihnna only said she had a premonition to make me believe I was destined to have Kelenbah’s child.”
“But as you told it to me, Gwihnna’s premonition did not indicate Kelenbah. In fact, he was shadowed and she could not identify him at all.”
“Yes. What you saying, Sashwa?”
“Well, it just seems if she were going to bother to lie, she would go the whole way with it and tell you it was Kelenbah.”
Tavaar suddenly felt afraid again. “Are you saying the premonition was real? Sometimes you can tell, can’t you? I’ve always thought so. That’s why I believed. When I told you, you didn’t say it wasn’t. It’s true, isn’t it?”
Sashwa put her arm around Tavaar’s shoulders. “Hey, hey, hey. Calm yourself. Yes, I can tell. Sometimes. I don’t always know.”
“But this time…”
“This time I was just pointing out a confusing point. I was not stating whether I believed it or not. As you said yourself, I never told you. I didn’t think I needed to. You never asked. But I can see you are very upset about this, aren’t you?”
“It scares me, Sashwa. I don’t want to know that I’m going to do that.”
“I understand.”
Tavaar turned to Sashwa. “So are you going to tell me that it’s true? I’m asking.”
Sashwa looked long into Tavaar’s eyes. So many times she had gone there to find comfort and strength. She was back again.
“No, Darling. I am not going to tell you that. Better?”
Tavaar relaxed and sank into Sashwa’s arms and sighed. “Yes. I’m better.”
Sashwa kissed the top of her head.
“And understand, Darling: you’re the best.” She let Tavaar collect herself before going on. “Well, that must have been some conversation. I wish I had been there.”
“I’m glad you weren’t.”
“Yeah. I’m sure. Just out of curiosity, why didn’t you think of Shello?”
Tavaar hesitated. “I did think of him.” Tavaar hung her head. “I tried once. Remember?”
“I remember. You said Klarissa caught you. So, your pride wouldn’t let you try again? What if he came to you?”
“I used to think I would. But after last night I don’t anymore. He’s out of my system now.”
“Yeah, right.”
“He is!”
“I said I agreed.”
“You didn’t sound like you meant it. What? Why are you laughing?”
“I love the way you pout.”
“I’m not pouting!”
“No, of course not. What about Khaiu?”
A pause. “What about him?”
“That’s what I thought. Well, I shouldn't worry, Darling. I’m confident you’ll get him out of your system, just like you did Shello.”
“I’m going to club you in a moment!”
“Okay, okay. Don’t get mad. So, after Bolar gave himself a potion to restart his heart, he told you that you didn’t need a child?”
Tavaar chuckled. “Yeah. I suppose it was a shock to him. Yes. That was when we talked about what I can do.”
“So what’s the rest of the plan? And how can I help?”
“Well, it turns out everyone in Gahrem has some idea of what is going on out here, but no one will say it out loud. Even Bolar sounds afraid.”
“Why? They’re the only ones who can put a stop to it.”
“You want them to?”
“The marrieds, yes. They have their spouses. Let them stick with them and leave us singles alone.”
“Well, if that happens, you won’t have me anymore,” said Tavaar.
Sashwa took on the characteristics of a cat about to pounce. “Well, we’ll just have to make an exception then.”
“No, no! Sashwa, don’t!”
Sashwa relaxed. “What’s the matter? Afraid I was going to tickle you?”
“Shh! Yes. I don’t want anyone else to know. They don’t, do they?”
“No. I wouldn’t do that to you, Darling. I haven’t told anyone. Not even Wheylin. But I expect he’s going to find out on his own now.”
“I have to trust you, I guess.”
“And you can. If they knew, do you think they would have left you alone?”
“I guess not.”
“Certainly not. So why won’t anyone do anything?”
“Remember I told you Gwihnna caught some married women with Kelenbah, and maybe others?”
“Yes. You said she intervened before they actually lay with each other. Most considerate of her.”
“Truly. Well, Bolar knows who they are. They confessed to him. He wouldn’t give me their names, but they are daughters and granddaughters of some very important people. Revealing even what they did do might split the village, and even the family. Bolar doesn’t want to risk that. No one does.”
“For good reason. It doesn’t do to make powerful people mad at you.”
“That’s what Bolar says.”
“It isn’t hard to guess who they must be, though, is it?”
“No. Prim and proper and filled with snobbish morality.”
“And yet I always thought they didn’t quite wear it well. They always seemed a bit furtive.”
“Now we know why.”
“So how does knowing this help you? You’re being hit at every turn.”
“You’re thinking I’m going to give in then?”
“With this lot? Not a chance. Kelenbah will be Head-of-Family before he lays with you. And that goes for everyone else in this company, too – except Wheylin and me.”
“Will you stop that!”
“Oh, you can tease me about it, but I can’t tease you? You know what you are? You’re a temptress. You’re leading me on.”
“Leading you on? I’m constantly fighting you off.”
Sashwa laughed. “Now you stop. You love the jests, and you know it.”
Tavaar smiled, coyly. “Well, believe it or not, but Bolar thinks I’m the one who can finally put an end to this.”
“Not by having Kelenbah’s child, I hope?”
“No. That would be disgusting. I would rather lay with you.”
“Anytime, Darling.”
“Shut up.”
More laughter. “So, how are you supposed to stop it without creating a big family fight?”
“By remembering I’m in charge.”
“But you’re not even a lieutenant. Kelenbah’s a cap – oh!”
Tavaar smiled. “Yes. Despite all they are doing, and all they have done, the males are still remembering their place.”
Sashwa nodded. “Actually, it is the reason it continues. The males do as they are told, and no more than they are allowed.”
“Of course the males tempt and suggest,” said Tavaar. “But so far, none have gone further without permission.”
“So far.”
“So far.”
“In other words, Mehngen isn’t here – yet.”
“Not yet.”
“And now I see where I come in.”
“You’re willing then?”
“Oh, Darling, yes! To see you in form again? I’m looking forward to it. It might be dangerous, though. We should probably include Ahzbah and a few others. I’m not always around, you know.”
“I know. It’s a two-edged sword.”
“Oh, thank you much.”
“There is another problem, though.”
“What’s that?”
“I haven’t gone over it with Wheylin. He didn’t want to talk about it last night. He just wanted to – well, we were having fun.”
“Spare the details. You’re afraid he won’t like it?”
“Yes.”
“I don’t think he’ll put up too much fuss. After all, he adores you about as much as me. But, you know you’re going to have keep repeats of last night to a minimum? Otherwise, your secret won’t stay secret.”
Tavaar frowned. She didn’t like that. Wheylin had a lot to give, and she was already looking forward to repeating the act.
“Will it anyway?” she asked. “I mean my last one wasn’t exactly a secret, was it? Gwihnna guessed in the first five days.”
“True. But one look at Wheylin’s face told the whole story.”
“Well, he looks happy now.”
“He ought to,” said Sashwa. “Four times? Well, he’s going to have to take that stupid, self-satisfied grin off his face before the others guess what it is he’s smiling about.”
“It looks like some may already have noticed.”
“Hmm. We’ll have to act quickly. Leave this to me.”
“What are you going to do?”
“Tell the little ditz what he owes me and demand payment. When he looks at you, look pouty and shake your head no.”
“I don’t pout!”
“Do it!”
“All right. Seems a shame to make him unhappy again.”
“You’ll make it up to him, I’m sure.”
Sashwa walked over to where Wheylin sat talking with Ahzbah. Tavaar watched Ahzbah walk away. Sashwa then sat down and began speaking in hushed tones. Tavaar noticed others speak to Ahzbah and then appear to be interested in Sashwa’s conversation. Tavaar noticed glances in her direction. She pretended to be unconcerned, though her cheeks flushed. Finally, she glanced up and saw Sashwa waving at her. Tavaar took notice and then saw Sashwa indicate Wheylin. She remembered Sashwa’s instructions, angry at the parting reference, and shook her head. Wheylin looked downcast. He set down his plate, stood, and walked away. An amused rumbling of indistinct voices echoed across the camp. Sashwa came back to where Tavaar sat. She looked quite pleased with herself. Tavaar wasn’t so sure. Wheylin had looked very unhappy.
“That went well,” Sashwa said as she sat. “Oh, by the way, that was a great pouty look. You nearly had me convinced.”
“I don’t pout!”
Sashwa merely chuckled. “Try to convince anyone of that now, Darling. No, I do not believe anyone will realize what you and Wheylin are up to now.”
“What did you say to him?”
“Nothing much. I just pointed out that as long as everyone thinks you are not laying together, he can expect more of it. But as soon as it becomes known it will come to a quick end. Gwihnna will see to that. That I told him quietly. I was less quiet when I talked about how he was thinking maybe it was going to happen at the new moon tomorrow.”
“I didn’t know he was hoping that.”
“He wasn’t. I made that up as an excuse to talk. By then Wheylin knew what was up and just followed my lead. He was appropriately angry when I told him I had already approached you. Said something nasty about my meddling and interfering.”
“That’s when you waved at me?”
“Yes. I told him we could find out right now. You were superb. I knew if you were angry at me you would give him a good pouty face, and you did. Wheylin did an excellent job of looking let down. But he didn’t think he could keep it up, so he left. I think that worked, though.”
“Yes. Well, that is his problem. Hopefully, we can get straightened out.”
“Straightened out and kept straight, huh, Darling?”
“Something like that.”
“Well, just be careful. Remember, you don’t want them to know.”
“I know. And I don’t pout!”
“Oh, yes you do, Darling. Yes, you do.”
Formatting: Text notes; Text narrative; Blog notes.
“What made you change your mind? Gwihnna’s advances?”
“Partly.”
“What else?”
“You!”
“Me?”
“Yes, you. You’re always telling me how much fun you’re having. I finally had to have some of my own.”
Sashwa began laughing.
“What’s funny?” asked Tavaar.
“Gwihnna. Why do you think they haven’t tried to keep us apart? Gwihnna knows I tell you everything. She was hoping you would get worked up. Only she thought you would go to Kelenbah. It never occurred to her you would choose Wheylin. Hmm. Now that I think of it, the little ditz owes me big time.”
Tavaar smiled wickedly. “Are you sure you sure you don’t want an evening with him?”
“Stop that! I haven’t had my breakfast. So, are you ready to tell me what else is going on?”
“What makes you think something else is going on?”
Sashwa gave another ‘don’t feign ignorance with me’ look. “Did it really take you all day to convince Bolar to make you real potion instead of tea? What are you planning, and can I help?”
Tavaar smiled at her friend’s quick study. It was not easy for her to hide anything from Sashwa, and seldom did she bother to try. So she told her her original reason for going and how Bolar disliked the plan.
“I could have told you that,” said Sashwa. “You didn’t trust me?”
Tavaar looked apologetically at her friend. “I just figured you would say that,” she said.
“Because I want to keep you with me? Fair enough. But, Darling, you are more important to me than just that. Remember that.”
“I will. I’m sorry.”
Sashwa shrugged. “Go on. So you suggest having Wheylin’s baby in order to get away. Bolar’s response is to say no to that and tells you to just take the real drink. What else?”
Tavaar blushed. “Well, that wasn’t exactly what happened,”
Sashwa picked up on this immediately. “What did you do?”
Tavaar laughed before answering with a resigned sigh. “I asked him to be the father of my child.”
Sashwa's eyes were wide and her mouth hung open before she could speak.
“You what? Tavaar, you are completely and without doubt the most wanton girl I know. By the King, Darling, he must be a hundred years older than you.”
“I know. That’s what he said. He turned me down flat.”
“Humph. Not only is he old, but he’s out of his mind, too. Why would you ask him that? I mean, I know you two love each other, but not like that. Do you?”
Tavaar shrugged. She appreciated Sashwa’s indirect compliment. The truth was she would have willingly gone through with it.
“I was frightened by Gwihnna’s premonition. If I was going to be unfaithful, I would rather it was with someone I loved rather than…”
“Kelenbah. Or someone you just met, or didn’t really love at all?”
“Yes.”
“Well, don’t worry, Darling. You won’t have a child with someone like that.”
“So you agree with Bolar? You think Gwihnna lied?”
“What?”
“Bolar said Gwihnna only said she had a premonition to make me believe I was destined to have Kelenbah’s child.”
“But as you told it to me, Gwihnna’s premonition did not indicate Kelenbah. In fact, he was shadowed and she could not identify him at all.”
“Yes. What you saying, Sashwa?”
“Well, it just seems if she were going to bother to lie, she would go the whole way with it and tell you it was Kelenbah.”
Tavaar suddenly felt afraid again. “Are you saying the premonition was real? Sometimes you can tell, can’t you? I’ve always thought so. That’s why I believed. When I told you, you didn’t say it wasn’t. It’s true, isn’t it?”
Sashwa put her arm around Tavaar’s shoulders. “Hey, hey, hey. Calm yourself. Yes, I can tell. Sometimes. I don’t always know.”
“But this time…”
“This time I was just pointing out a confusing point. I was not stating whether I believed it or not. As you said yourself, I never told you. I didn’t think I needed to. You never asked. But I can see you are very upset about this, aren’t you?”
“It scares me, Sashwa. I don’t want to know that I’m going to do that.”
“I understand.”
Tavaar turned to Sashwa. “So are you going to tell me that it’s true? I’m asking.”
Sashwa looked long into Tavaar’s eyes. So many times she had gone there to find comfort and strength. She was back again.
“No, Darling. I am not going to tell you that. Better?”
Tavaar relaxed and sank into Sashwa’s arms and sighed. “Yes. I’m better.”
Sashwa kissed the top of her head.
“And understand, Darling: you’re the best.” She let Tavaar collect herself before going on. “Well, that must have been some conversation. I wish I had been there.”
“I’m glad you weren’t.”
“Yeah. I’m sure. Just out of curiosity, why didn’t you think of Shello?”
Tavaar hesitated. “I did think of him.” Tavaar hung her head. “I tried once. Remember?”
“I remember. You said Klarissa caught you. So, your pride wouldn’t let you try again? What if he came to you?”
“I used to think I would. But after last night I don’t anymore. He’s out of my system now.”
“Yeah, right.”
“He is!”
“I said I agreed.”
“You didn’t sound like you meant it. What? Why are you laughing?”
“I love the way you pout.”
“I’m not pouting!”
“No, of course not. What about Khaiu?”
A pause. “What about him?”
“That’s what I thought. Well, I shouldn't worry, Darling. I’m confident you’ll get him out of your system, just like you did Shello.”
“I’m going to club you in a moment!”
“Okay, okay. Don’t get mad. So, after Bolar gave himself a potion to restart his heart, he told you that you didn’t need a child?”
Tavaar chuckled. “Yeah. I suppose it was a shock to him. Yes. That was when we talked about what I can do.”
“So what’s the rest of the plan? And how can I help?”
“Well, it turns out everyone in Gahrem has some idea of what is going on out here, but no one will say it out loud. Even Bolar sounds afraid.”
“Why? They’re the only ones who can put a stop to it.”
“You want them to?”
“The marrieds, yes. They have their spouses. Let them stick with them and leave us singles alone.”
“Well, if that happens, you won’t have me anymore,” said Tavaar.
Sashwa took on the characteristics of a cat about to pounce. “Well, we’ll just have to make an exception then.”
“No, no! Sashwa, don’t!”
Sashwa relaxed. “What’s the matter? Afraid I was going to tickle you?”
“Shh! Yes. I don’t want anyone else to know. They don’t, do they?”
“No. I wouldn’t do that to you, Darling. I haven’t told anyone. Not even Wheylin. But I expect he’s going to find out on his own now.”
“I have to trust you, I guess.”
“And you can. If they knew, do you think they would have left you alone?”
“I guess not.”
“Certainly not. So why won’t anyone do anything?”
“Remember I told you Gwihnna caught some married women with Kelenbah, and maybe others?”
“Yes. You said she intervened before they actually lay with each other. Most considerate of her.”
“Truly. Well, Bolar knows who they are. They confessed to him. He wouldn’t give me their names, but they are daughters and granddaughters of some very important people. Revealing even what they did do might split the village, and even the family. Bolar doesn’t want to risk that. No one does.”
“For good reason. It doesn’t do to make powerful people mad at you.”
“That’s what Bolar says.”
“It isn’t hard to guess who they must be, though, is it?”
“No. Prim and proper and filled with snobbish morality.”
“And yet I always thought they didn’t quite wear it well. They always seemed a bit furtive.”
“Now we know why.”
“So how does knowing this help you? You’re being hit at every turn.”
“You’re thinking I’m going to give in then?”
“With this lot? Not a chance. Kelenbah will be Head-of-Family before he lays with you. And that goes for everyone else in this company, too – except Wheylin and me.”
“Will you stop that!”
“Oh, you can tease me about it, but I can’t tease you? You know what you are? You’re a temptress. You’re leading me on.”
“Leading you on? I’m constantly fighting you off.”
Sashwa laughed. “Now you stop. You love the jests, and you know it.”
Tavaar smiled, coyly. “Well, believe it or not, but Bolar thinks I’m the one who can finally put an end to this.”
“Not by having Kelenbah’s child, I hope?”
“No. That would be disgusting. I would rather lay with you.”
“Anytime, Darling.”
“Shut up.”
More laughter. “So, how are you supposed to stop it without creating a big family fight?”
“By remembering I’m in charge.”
“But you’re not even a lieutenant. Kelenbah’s a cap – oh!”
Tavaar smiled. “Yes. Despite all they are doing, and all they have done, the males are still remembering their place.”
Sashwa nodded. “Actually, it is the reason it continues. The males do as they are told, and no more than they are allowed.”
“Of course the males tempt and suggest,” said Tavaar. “But so far, none have gone further without permission.”
“So far.”
“So far.”
“In other words, Mehngen isn’t here – yet.”
“Not yet.”
“And now I see where I come in.”
“You’re willing then?”
“Oh, Darling, yes! To see you in form again? I’m looking forward to it. It might be dangerous, though. We should probably include Ahzbah and a few others. I’m not always around, you know.”
“I know. It’s a two-edged sword.”
“Oh, thank you much.”
“There is another problem, though.”
“What’s that?”
“I haven’t gone over it with Wheylin. He didn’t want to talk about it last night. He just wanted to – well, we were having fun.”
“Spare the details. You’re afraid he won’t like it?”
“Yes.”
“I don’t think he’ll put up too much fuss. After all, he adores you about as much as me. But, you know you’re going to have keep repeats of last night to a minimum? Otherwise, your secret won’t stay secret.”
Tavaar frowned. She didn’t like that. Wheylin had a lot to give, and she was already looking forward to repeating the act.
“Will it anyway?” she asked. “I mean my last one wasn’t exactly a secret, was it? Gwihnna guessed in the first five days.”
“True. But one look at Wheylin’s face told the whole story.”
“Well, he looks happy now.”
“He ought to,” said Sashwa. “Four times? Well, he’s going to have to take that stupid, self-satisfied grin off his face before the others guess what it is he’s smiling about.”
“It looks like some may already have noticed.”
“Hmm. We’ll have to act quickly. Leave this to me.”
“What are you going to do?”
“Tell the little ditz what he owes me and demand payment. When he looks at you, look pouty and shake your head no.”
“I don’t pout!”
“Do it!”
“All right. Seems a shame to make him unhappy again.”
“You’ll make it up to him, I’m sure.”
Sashwa walked over to where Wheylin sat talking with Ahzbah. Tavaar watched Ahzbah walk away. Sashwa then sat down and began speaking in hushed tones. Tavaar noticed others speak to Ahzbah and then appear to be interested in Sashwa’s conversation. Tavaar noticed glances in her direction. She pretended to be unconcerned, though her cheeks flushed. Finally, she glanced up and saw Sashwa waving at her. Tavaar took notice and then saw Sashwa indicate Wheylin. She remembered Sashwa’s instructions, angry at the parting reference, and shook her head. Wheylin looked downcast. He set down his plate, stood, and walked away. An amused rumbling of indistinct voices echoed across the camp. Sashwa came back to where Tavaar sat. She looked quite pleased with herself. Tavaar wasn’t so sure. Wheylin had looked very unhappy.
“That went well,” Sashwa said as she sat. “Oh, by the way, that was a great pouty look. You nearly had me convinced.”
“I don’t pout!”
Sashwa merely chuckled. “Try to convince anyone of that now, Darling. No, I do not believe anyone will realize what you and Wheylin are up to now.”
“What did you say to him?”
“Nothing much. I just pointed out that as long as everyone thinks you are not laying together, he can expect more of it. But as soon as it becomes known it will come to a quick end. Gwihnna will see to that. That I told him quietly. I was less quiet when I talked about how he was thinking maybe it was going to happen at the new moon tomorrow.”
“I didn’t know he was hoping that.”
“He wasn’t. I made that up as an excuse to talk. By then Wheylin knew what was up and just followed my lead. He was appropriately angry when I told him I had already approached you. Said something nasty about my meddling and interfering.”
“That’s when you waved at me?”
“Yes. I told him we could find out right now. You were superb. I knew if you were angry at me you would give him a good pouty face, and you did. Wheylin did an excellent job of looking let down. But he didn’t think he could keep it up, so he left. I think that worked, though.”
“Yes. Well, that is his problem. Hopefully, we can get straightened out.”
“Straightened out and kept straight, huh, Darling?”
“Something like that.”
“Well, just be careful. Remember, you don’t want them to know.”
“I know. And I don’t pout!”
“Oh, yes you do, Darling. Yes, you do.”
Friday, January 30, 2009
Tavaar - 29th Edition
So, Tavaar has consumated her marriage at last. How many men would have put up with what Wheylin did for three-quarters of a year? Well, all good things come to those who wait. They did for Wheylin.
We return the next morning, after some polite exchanges and quiet intimacy, Tavaar meets up with Sashwa at breakfast. Tavaar is dishing up the food.
Formatting: Text notes; Text narrative; Blog notes.
Tavaar and Wheylin alternated cooking new food for late risers, and dishing up for those eager for more. These were generally few in number when others cooked. However, when Tavaar and Wheylin cooked, everyone had at least second helpings. It was Tavaar’s turn for dishing up when Sashwa arrived.
“Good morning,” said Tavaar. “Which do you prefer to start with? Porridge or bacon?”
Sashwa didn’t answer. Instead, she grinned impishly. There was a mischievous sparkle in her eyes. She glanced around.
“So, how does it feel to be married at last?” she asked.
Tavaar felt her face flush. “What are you talking about? I’ve been married since Thermen.”
“Oh, yeah. Right!” mocked Sashwa. “Don’t pretend to me, Darling. I’m not dense. I know what you did last night.”
Tavaar’s face was burning now. She glanced around. “How? You weren’t there.”
“I didn’t have to be. I had a hunch it was going to happen, and when I returned from watch I was certain I was right.”
“How could you know?” demanded Tavaar.
“Oh, come on, Darling. Give me some credit, will you? I mean, it all fit, didn’t it? You make a desperate trip to Gahrem, and who do you spend your time with? Bolar. When you return, you are drinking baby drink instead of that ridiculous tea you were using to fool Wheylin. I can count days, Darling. And nights. You’ve been drinking baby drink for thirty days. It was safe now. I was certain it would happen the very next chance you had. I was right, too, wasn’t I? No need to answer. I can see it all over your face. You have such a beautiful blush, Darling. I’ve always thought so. It makes you look cute, instead of beautiful.” Sashwa laughed at Tavaar’s discomfort. “I so love it when you get pouty.”
“I’m not pouty!”
“Oh, yes you are, Darling. Or should I start calling you Lover now?”
“No. Stop it!” Tavaar hissed. Sashwa quieted, but she was still amused. “How did you know it was tea?”
“Simple. I drank some.”
Tavaar’s head snapped around. “You weren’t going to lay with someone, were you? Sashwa, don’t!”
“Oh, no, no, no. Don’t be silly. I’ve got you for that.”
“Stop it. Don’t talk like that.”23
“I can’t help it. I love to see you get upset when I do. But I drank some. I was curious to what it tasted like. You had just said it was awful. You’re right about that, too, by the way. It is. It wasn’t very good tea, though. Bolar must have put something else in it.”
“He had to. It had to fool Vohbiv. Wait a minute! You drank some of my baby drink? The real drink?”
“Of course. I was suspicious about why you went to Gahrem.”
“So, you’ve been spying on me? Is that it?”
“I’m just looking out for you, Darling. You know I love you.”
“So how did you know we had – last night? How did you know?”
Sashwa chuckled. “Well, you were huddled so close together that at first I thought one of you was missing.”
“That is hardly conclusive evidence.”
“No, but you were also completely naked under that blanket.”
“How do you know?”
“Simple. I looked.” Tavaar dropped her hands in exasperation and rolled her eyes, staring at the wet treetops. “Hey, you would have done the same thing. You know you would.”
“Honestly, Sashwa. Sometimes you are just – I don’t know. But you are. I don’t know why I put up with you.”
“I do. You love me.”
“I’m not so sure.”
“Oh, sure you are. In fact, until last night I was probably on top of your list.”
“I don’t have a list.”
“Well, if you had one then. You’re still on top of mine.”
Tavaar poked at her from the side and smiled, demurely. “You are a sweetheart. Sometimes.”
Sashwa laughed, gleefully. Then she huddled close. “So. You never said.”
“Said what?”
“How was it, silly?”
“You are incorrigible! You know that?”
“Maybe so. But we’re friends. We talk about everything.”
Tavaar turned her head. She was intending to tell Sashwa that after last night that might not be appropriate any longer, but when she turned her head she found Sashwa’s face nearly touching her own. Their eyes met and Tavaar found she couldn’t say it.
“Damn you!” she mumbled, turning away again.
Sashwa chuckled and gave her a hug. “It’s all right, Darling. I understand. So, how was it?”
“Well, how do you think it was?”
“That bad, huh? I wondered if he’s be up to it. I guess not, huh?”
Tavaar turned to her. “You’re not very nice.”
“He’s my brother! Why should I be?”
“Well, it just so happens it wasn’t like that at all.”
“Oh, come off it, Darling! You’re the only woman Wheylin’s ever been with in any capacity. Don’t try to fool me with tales of his prowess. I bet it didn’t even last a short turn, did it?”
Tavaar found herself reliving the evening. Sashwa’s voice sounded like an echo. Her own sounded far off.
“No, the first time was short. That is true.”
“The first time? What do you mean, the first time? How many times were there?”
“Well, ah, there were four.”
“Four! One right after the other?”
“Well, not right after. We talked some.”
Sashwa looked astonished. She looked across the site to where Wheylin sat talking with Ahzbah out of earshot. “Why, the little stud!”
Tavaar chuckled, absently. “Yeah. Who would have guessed?”
“I certainly would not have.”
Suddenly, Tavaar saw an opportunity for revenge.
“It turns out you didn’t get it all after all. If you’re jealous, I’m sure I can arrange something. How much of that baby drink have you had anyway?”
“Don’t be disgusting!”
Tavaar laughed. “Sorry, but I love to see you upset.”
Sashwa shook herself, as if tossing aside the very thought.
“So, you were satisfied then?”
Tavaar sighed and rocked her had back and forth.
“Well, no. Not exactly. But the last time was certainly better than the first. I think he’s going to be just fine. I wish I had known it back in Thermen. I might have delayed military duty after all.”
We return the next morning, after some polite exchanges and quiet intimacy, Tavaar meets up with Sashwa at breakfast. Tavaar is dishing up the food.
Formatting: Text notes; Text narrative; Blog notes.
Tavaar and Wheylin alternated cooking new food for late risers, and dishing up for those eager for more. These were generally few in number when others cooked. However, when Tavaar and Wheylin cooked, everyone had at least second helpings. It was Tavaar’s turn for dishing up when Sashwa arrived.
“Good morning,” said Tavaar. “Which do you prefer to start with? Porridge or bacon?”
Sashwa didn’t answer. Instead, she grinned impishly. There was a mischievous sparkle in her eyes. She glanced around.
“So, how does it feel to be married at last?” she asked.
Tavaar felt her face flush. “What are you talking about? I’ve been married since Thermen.”
“Oh, yeah. Right!” mocked Sashwa. “Don’t pretend to me, Darling. I’m not dense. I know what you did last night.”
Tavaar’s face was burning now. She glanced around. “How? You weren’t there.”
“I didn’t have to be. I had a hunch it was going to happen, and when I returned from watch I was certain I was right.”
“How could you know?” demanded Tavaar.
“Oh, come on, Darling. Give me some credit, will you? I mean, it all fit, didn’t it? You make a desperate trip to Gahrem, and who do you spend your time with? Bolar. When you return, you are drinking baby drink instead of that ridiculous tea you were using to fool Wheylin. I can count days, Darling. And nights. You’ve been drinking baby drink for thirty days. It was safe now. I was certain it would happen the very next chance you had. I was right, too, wasn’t I? No need to answer. I can see it all over your face. You have such a beautiful blush, Darling. I’ve always thought so. It makes you look cute, instead of beautiful.” Sashwa laughed at Tavaar’s discomfort. “I so love it when you get pouty.”
“I’m not pouty!”
“Oh, yes you are, Darling. Or should I start calling you Lover now?”
“No. Stop it!” Tavaar hissed. Sashwa quieted, but she was still amused. “How did you know it was tea?”
“Simple. I drank some.”
Tavaar’s head snapped around. “You weren’t going to lay with someone, were you? Sashwa, don’t!”
“Oh, no, no, no. Don’t be silly. I’ve got you for that.”
“Stop it. Don’t talk like that.”23
“I can’t help it. I love to see you get upset when I do. But I drank some. I was curious to what it tasted like. You had just said it was awful. You’re right about that, too, by the way. It is. It wasn’t very good tea, though. Bolar must have put something else in it.”
“He had to. It had to fool Vohbiv. Wait a minute! You drank some of my baby drink? The real drink?”
“Of course. I was suspicious about why you went to Gahrem.”
“So, you’ve been spying on me? Is that it?”
“I’m just looking out for you, Darling. You know I love you.”
“So how did you know we had – last night? How did you know?”
Sashwa chuckled. “Well, you were huddled so close together that at first I thought one of you was missing.”
“That is hardly conclusive evidence.”
“No, but you were also completely naked under that blanket.”
“How do you know?”
“Simple. I looked.” Tavaar dropped her hands in exasperation and rolled her eyes, staring at the wet treetops. “Hey, you would have done the same thing. You know you would.”
“Honestly, Sashwa. Sometimes you are just – I don’t know. But you are. I don’t know why I put up with you.”
“I do. You love me.”
“I’m not so sure.”
“Oh, sure you are. In fact, until last night I was probably on top of your list.”
“I don’t have a list.”
“Well, if you had one then. You’re still on top of mine.”
Tavaar poked at her from the side and smiled, demurely. “You are a sweetheart. Sometimes.”
Sashwa laughed, gleefully. Then she huddled close. “So. You never said.”
“Said what?”
“How was it, silly?”
“You are incorrigible! You know that?”
“Maybe so. But we’re friends. We talk about everything.”
Tavaar turned her head. She was intending to tell Sashwa that after last night that might not be appropriate any longer, but when she turned her head she found Sashwa’s face nearly touching her own. Their eyes met and Tavaar found she couldn’t say it.
“Damn you!” she mumbled, turning away again.
Sashwa chuckled and gave her a hug. “It’s all right, Darling. I understand. So, how was it?”
“Well, how do you think it was?”
“That bad, huh? I wondered if he’s be up to it. I guess not, huh?”
Tavaar turned to her. “You’re not very nice.”
“He’s my brother! Why should I be?”
“Well, it just so happens it wasn’t like that at all.”
“Oh, come off it, Darling! You’re the only woman Wheylin’s ever been with in any capacity. Don’t try to fool me with tales of his prowess. I bet it didn’t even last a short turn, did it?”
Tavaar found herself reliving the evening. Sashwa’s voice sounded like an echo. Her own sounded far off.
“No, the first time was short. That is true.”
“The first time? What do you mean, the first time? How many times were there?”
“Well, ah, there were four.”
“Four! One right after the other?”
“Well, not right after. We talked some.”
Sashwa looked astonished. She looked across the site to where Wheylin sat talking with Ahzbah out of earshot. “Why, the little stud!”
Tavaar chuckled, absently. “Yeah. Who would have guessed?”
“I certainly would not have.”
Suddenly, Tavaar saw an opportunity for revenge.
“It turns out you didn’t get it all after all. If you’re jealous, I’m sure I can arrange something. How much of that baby drink have you had anyway?”
“Don’t be disgusting!”
Tavaar laughed. “Sorry, but I love to see you upset.”
Sashwa shook herself, as if tossing aside the very thought.
“So, you were satisfied then?”
Tavaar sighed and rocked her had back and forth.
“Well, no. Not exactly. But the last time was certainly better than the first. I think he’s going to be just fine. I wish I had known it back in Thermen. I might have delayed military duty after all.”
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Tavaar - 28th Edition
Tavaar and Wheylin's life eases a bit now that she is teasing Kelenbah. Kelenbah isn't sure what to make of it, but Gwihnna knows Tavaar is not serious in her game, and she increases the pressures on Wheylin to be unfaithful. Wheylin is not in the know of Tavaar's plan, but he is aware there is a plan, so he resists. Then, after several weeks, Tavaar is ready at last to unveil her plan to Wheylin.
The passage is surprisingly long, and I'm going to have some trouble cutting it down while leaving some sense of coherency. I'll see what I can do.
Formatting: Text notes; Text narrative; Blog notes.
Tavaar and Wheylin finished the evening meal and headed out to stand guard. Tavaar changed their routine by taking the position closest to their hovel. Normally, she liked to get as far away from camp as she could. Tonight was different. Tonight she needed to prepare.
The first guard was only three turns. At midnight Sashwa came by with Ahzbah to replace them. Snow and rain were falling lightly. Sashwa made a comment about Tavaar being so close to camp, but Tavaar shrugged it off.
Tavaar and Wheylin’s hovel was a four sleeper which they shared with Sashwa and Ahzbah. Standing was not an option. There was only about four or five feet of clearance at any point. In warm weather, the doorways were left open. When the weather was cold, or rainy, a leather tarp was dropped over the door. Tavaar’s hut was made in a nest of small shrubs. It was difficult to tell what was growing and what had been added. Enough leaves and mud had been added to make it reasonably comfortable. Tavaar crawled inside.
It was warm, even without the addition of body heat. This was due to another special feature each hut had: heating rocks. There were several dozen of various sizes and shapes. These were castings made from poor quality fire ore. The Housing Line used them for floors in some of the better built houses. Those were large slabs. These were smaller, able to be moved by a single warrior. Originally, the hovel had been set up with four sleeping areas, but Tavaar and Wheylin had rearranged things so there were three: two regular sized, and one double.
Tavaar made sure the quilted blanket was spread out evenly. Blankets, quilts and skins were all used for coverings. Tavaar liked laying on the quilted blanket she had been given by her father. Its softness reminded her of her feather bed. She undressed completely and lay down, pulling another blanket over her. She and Wheylin did not use a skin. She pulled her and Wheylin’s dry clothes under the blanket with her and shoved them down by her feet. Then she waited.
Her wait wasn’t long. Someone stopped at the door, dropped to the ground, and crawled inside.
“Wheylin?”
“What?”
“Hurry and undress, will you?”
Wheylin dutifully let the door flap fall and close the min, hiding them from the outside world. He pulled his boots off and set them to the side.
“Be sure to shake your head.”
Wheylin ran his hands over and around his head, making the droplets fly in all directions.
He pulled his tunic over his head. “What’s with you, anyway?”
“What do you mean?”
“You’ve been acting strange all day.”
“Have I?”
“Yes, you have. What’s wrong?”
“Nothing’s wrong. Just come to bed, will you?”
“I will,” he said, dropping his britches. “Just let me get into some dry clothes. Where are they, anyway? I can’t find them.”
“I have them,” said Tavaar. “Why don’t you come and get them?”
Even in the dark she could tell he was staring at her.
“All right, what’s the joke?” he asked.
“Come and see.”
“And what’s going to happen when I do?”
“What would you like to happen?”
A pause. “You know what I would like.”
“Then come here.”
“Really?”
“Really. Come here.”
She threw open the blanket and he fell forward. His hands tested her body. “You’re naked,” he said.
“So are you,” she said, suggestively.
“Tavaar…”
She pulled him down and kissed him. She ran her fingers down his back to his butt. She adjusted her legs and pulled him on top. He broke the kiss and held himself up on his elbows. His fingers were absently caressing her nipples.
“Tavaar…”
“What? What’s wrong?”
“Are – are you sure?”
“Wheylin! I’m stark naked. You’re naked. I just pulled you on top of me. I’m sure! Okay?”
He didn’t answer. Neither did he act. She knew him well enough to know something was wrong.
“Wheylin? Are you okay?”
“It’s not really like I imagined it would be,” he said, trying to sound amusing, but there was a hurt in his voice.
“What do you mean?”
“Well, I always expected it would be – nice. I thought that you would love me, and that would be why we did it. This – I don’t – I mean – you never said you love me.”
“What?”
“We’ve been married one hundred and seventy-one days, Tavaar. And never once have you told me you love me. I don’t even know why you’re doing this. You don’t…”18
He quit speaking. Tavaar lay quiet, looking up at his dark form. She could hear his breathing. His fingers still caressed her.
“I never said I love you?” she asked.
There was a short pause and then he shook his head. She felt a single drop strike her cheek. Was this the weather, falling from his hair? Or was he crying? She placed her hands on his arms and slid them up to his shoulders. Then she pulled him down. He moved his hands to her shoulders.
She kissed his ear. “I’m sorry. I should have been telling you all along. I do love you, Wheylin. I really do.”
He broke down and wept. She held him. He was wrapped in her arms while she gently kissed his hair and caressed his back. She cooed for him, and when he turnred his head she touched his lips with her own. He kissed back.
“I love you, Tavaar. I love you so much.”
“I have been a poor wife. No longer. Tonight we are going to lay together – if you still want to.”
Wheylin laughed. “I do. I do, Tavaar.”
“You know,” she said, “when you hesitated, I thought it was because you were afraid.”
He chuckled. “Well, to tell the truth, I am. I want to do it, but I’m afraid you won’t like it the way I do.”
“I know. I’m afraid of the same thing. And, to be completely honest, I’m afraid it might hurt.”
“It won't, will it?"
“I don’t know. I’ve never done this before. Have you?”
“Me? Tavaar, nobody even wants to kiss me. Not really.”
“I do. Really. Come on then. We’ll go slow.”
“You’ll let me know if it does hurt? Will you?”
“I will.”
She was glad of her talk with Bolar. The talk had included, among other things, the topic of laying with someone. How should it be initiated? What could she expect, from herself and from Wheylin? It was a conversation her mother had tried to have with her many times over the last year or so, but Tavaar had adamantly refused to discuss it. With Bolar, however, she found herself saying and listening to things she sometimes wouldn’t talk about even with Sashwa. Her fears, for instance. What was it like, really? Being male, Bolar was unable to fully appreciate the answer, but his matter-of-fact approach was reassuring. Also, Fadew, his wife of four score years, had discussed this very topic with him repeatedly. So he was able to relate what Fadew had told him. Naturally, he was very helpful in telling her what to expect from Wheylin. He told her Wheylin would be nervous, and why. He also prepared her for the fact that, while Wheylin certainly knew what to do, he was not likely to be very adept on the how, at least at first. She might even need to ‘give him a hand’, as it were. This turned out to be so. Tavaar had to steer him.
One thing Bolar had stressed was that Tavaar was unlikely to find the experience physically satisfying – at least, the first time. Some women did. Fadew claimed had. But for many women physical satisfaction came from training their husbands on what to do and how to do it. There was a very common reason for this: most males were so excited the experience didn’t last long. For some, it was over before it began. In time, the males would learn to control themselves. But the first time was generally short.
Much of what Bolar said came to pass. It had not hurt. Bolar had conceded that it could. He had provided her with an ointment, just in case. Wheylin had needed help, and it didn't last long. But feeling Wheylin inside her when he peaked filled her with surprise. She had not expected it to matter to her so much. Her own physical pleasure had been minimal – as Bolar had warned. But her joy at having done this for Wheylin was beyond her comprehension. She felt him relax in her arms.
“So, was that worth the wait?” she asked.
He responded by kissing her. “You were the best,” he said.
“Well, as I was the first and only, I guess that is true,” she replied.
“What about you?”
She was ready for this. Bolar had prepared her for the males’ belated interest in providing at least as much pleasure as they got. Ultimately, it truly was important to them, and in time they would consider it at the start instead of the end. But for now, she had to be honest without demoralizing. She kissed him long.
“It was even better than I expected,” she said. “I think I love you even more, Wheylin. No, don’t move. Let’s just stay like this for now.”
“I couldn’t tell,” he said. “When it happened for me – well, wow! What about you? Did it happen?”
Damn! A direct question.
“Well, no, but it doesn’t always have to,” she said, quickly. “Maybe the next time it will.”
“Then – this isn’t going to be the only time?”
She had to laugh. “No. Of course not. I want to do it again.”
“Right now?”
His boyish eagerness caught her by surprise. She really laughed now, and pulled him close. Well, why not, she thought? Maybe she could get him to slow down a bit. She might as well begin right off teaching him how to please. Some of it she had to learn herself.
“Okay. Let’s.”
The second time was better than the first. Wheylin lasted longer, but still not long. Afterward, she again would not let him slide off, and they lay and talked.
“Why did you suddenly decided to lay with me?” Wheylin asked.
“It was not sudden. I have wanted to do this for a long time.”
“They why didn’t you? There have been many chances. We were alone in the Couple’s Cabin. Why did you wait if it was what you wanted?”
It was her turn to pause. She caressed his face as she prepared her thoughts.
“Until tonight, I have not been completely honest with you, Wheylin, though I have been completely true. While I have wanted to lay with you for some time now, it has not been from the beginning. At the beginning I was angry, and I vented my anger against you. I am sorry. Please forgive me. Do you?”
“Of course I do.”
“In my anger, I made a decision not to lay with you, or anyone else. I just didn’t care anymore. I enlisted Bolar’s help. I remember he argued all day with me, but as he saw I was set in my way he eventually relented. Since that time I have not dared lay with you.”
“Why not?”
“I feared I would bear a child.”
“But the marriage potion prevents that.”
“I took no marriage potion, Wheylin. Not until last moon.”
“But I have seen you! You have drank from the little keg every day, the same as the other wives.”
“Not the same. My keg contained only tea. Bolar sent a scroll to Vohbiv with instructions.” Wheylin was silent. “I am so sorry, Wheylin. I was wrong. And after tonight I wish we had done this from the beginning. But it will be from now on.”
“So that is why you went back to Gahrem? You wanted to ask Bolar for the real potion? Why not just tell Vohbiv? He would have made it.”
“He would have, but Vohbiv didn’t know what was going on. He may suspect, but he wasn’t told. Bolar’s instructions merely told him to make my potion from the mix of herbs Bolar had sent especially for me. Vohbiv may have thought Bolar had merely added a flavor enhancement. Most women don’t mind the taste, but I think its awful. But I didn’t go to Gahrem to have Bolar give me the real baby drink. That that is just how it worked out.”
“Then why did you go?”
“To tell him what I was planning to do. I wanted someone to tell me I was right before I acted. I was afraid to ask you, or even Sashwa. So I decided on Bolar. He had no claim in this and I knew I could trust him.”
“What were you planning?”
A pause. “To have your baby. Now. This year. It would get us both out and away
from Gwihnna and Kelenbah.”
A longer pause.
“But Bolar disagreed?”
“Yes. He said our wedding was already clouded with suspicion. It happened so fast. Many were watching to see if a child was soon to come. If one did, it was almost certain the child would be declared Unaligned.”
“So what was Bolar’s solution?”
“That I should just start taking the real drink. He said I could lay with you then without worry. He said it would bind us closer than I could imagine. He was right about that, too. Having lay with you now twice, I want to do it again and again.”
“You mean right now?”
She laughed. “All right. But this time let’s try something new.”
The passage is surprisingly long, and I'm going to have some trouble cutting it down while leaving some sense of coherency. I'll see what I can do.
Formatting: Text notes; Text narrative; Blog notes.
Tavaar and Wheylin finished the evening meal and headed out to stand guard. Tavaar changed their routine by taking the position closest to their hovel. Normally, she liked to get as far away from camp as she could. Tonight was different. Tonight she needed to prepare.
The first guard was only three turns. At midnight Sashwa came by with Ahzbah to replace them. Snow and rain were falling lightly. Sashwa made a comment about Tavaar being so close to camp, but Tavaar shrugged it off.
Tavaar and Wheylin’s hovel was a four sleeper which they shared with Sashwa and Ahzbah. Standing was not an option. There was only about four or five feet of clearance at any point. In warm weather, the doorways were left open. When the weather was cold, or rainy, a leather tarp was dropped over the door. Tavaar’s hut was made in a nest of small shrubs. It was difficult to tell what was growing and what had been added. Enough leaves and mud had been added to make it reasonably comfortable. Tavaar crawled inside.
It was warm, even without the addition of body heat. This was due to another special feature each hut had: heating rocks. There were several dozen of various sizes and shapes. These were castings made from poor quality fire ore. The Housing Line used them for floors in some of the better built houses. Those were large slabs. These were smaller, able to be moved by a single warrior. Originally, the hovel had been set up with four sleeping areas, but Tavaar and Wheylin had rearranged things so there were three: two regular sized, and one double.
Tavaar made sure the quilted blanket was spread out evenly. Blankets, quilts and skins were all used for coverings. Tavaar liked laying on the quilted blanket she had been given by her father. Its softness reminded her of her feather bed. She undressed completely and lay down, pulling another blanket over her. She and Wheylin did not use a skin. She pulled her and Wheylin’s dry clothes under the blanket with her and shoved them down by her feet. Then she waited.
Her wait wasn’t long. Someone stopped at the door, dropped to the ground, and crawled inside.
“Wheylin?”
“What?”
“Hurry and undress, will you?”
Wheylin dutifully let the door flap fall and close the min, hiding them from the outside world. He pulled his boots off and set them to the side.
“Be sure to shake your head.”
Wheylin ran his hands over and around his head, making the droplets fly in all directions.
He pulled his tunic over his head. “What’s with you, anyway?”
“What do you mean?”
“You’ve been acting strange all day.”
“Have I?”
“Yes, you have. What’s wrong?”
“Nothing’s wrong. Just come to bed, will you?”
“I will,” he said, dropping his britches. “Just let me get into some dry clothes. Where are they, anyway? I can’t find them.”
“I have them,” said Tavaar. “Why don’t you come and get them?”
Even in the dark she could tell he was staring at her.
“All right, what’s the joke?” he asked.
“Come and see.”
“And what’s going to happen when I do?”
“What would you like to happen?”
A pause. “You know what I would like.”
“Then come here.”
“Really?”
“Really. Come here.”
She threw open the blanket and he fell forward. His hands tested her body. “You’re naked,” he said.
“So are you,” she said, suggestively.
“Tavaar…”
She pulled him down and kissed him. She ran her fingers down his back to his butt. She adjusted her legs and pulled him on top. He broke the kiss and held himself up on his elbows. His fingers were absently caressing her nipples.
“Tavaar…”
“What? What’s wrong?”
“Are – are you sure?”
“Wheylin! I’m stark naked. You’re naked. I just pulled you on top of me. I’m sure! Okay?”
He didn’t answer. Neither did he act. She knew him well enough to know something was wrong.
“Wheylin? Are you okay?”
“It’s not really like I imagined it would be,” he said, trying to sound amusing, but there was a hurt in his voice.
“What do you mean?”
“Well, I always expected it would be – nice. I thought that you would love me, and that would be why we did it. This – I don’t – I mean – you never said you love me.”
“What?”
“We’ve been married one hundred and seventy-one days, Tavaar. And never once have you told me you love me. I don’t even know why you’re doing this. You don’t…”18
He quit speaking. Tavaar lay quiet, looking up at his dark form. She could hear his breathing. His fingers still caressed her.
“I never said I love you?” she asked.
There was a short pause and then he shook his head. She felt a single drop strike her cheek. Was this the weather, falling from his hair? Or was he crying? She placed her hands on his arms and slid them up to his shoulders. Then she pulled him down. He moved his hands to her shoulders.
She kissed his ear. “I’m sorry. I should have been telling you all along. I do love you, Wheylin. I really do.”
He broke down and wept. She held him. He was wrapped in her arms while she gently kissed his hair and caressed his back. She cooed for him, and when he turnred his head she touched his lips with her own. He kissed back.
“I love you, Tavaar. I love you so much.”
“I have been a poor wife. No longer. Tonight we are going to lay together – if you still want to.”
Wheylin laughed. “I do. I do, Tavaar.”
“You know,” she said, “when you hesitated, I thought it was because you were afraid.”
He chuckled. “Well, to tell the truth, I am. I want to do it, but I’m afraid you won’t like it the way I do.”
“I know. I’m afraid of the same thing. And, to be completely honest, I’m afraid it might hurt.”
“It won't, will it?"
“I don’t know. I’ve never done this before. Have you?”
“Me? Tavaar, nobody even wants to kiss me. Not really.”
“I do. Really. Come on then. We’ll go slow.”
“You’ll let me know if it does hurt? Will you?”
“I will.”
She was glad of her talk with Bolar. The talk had included, among other things, the topic of laying with someone. How should it be initiated? What could she expect, from herself and from Wheylin? It was a conversation her mother had tried to have with her many times over the last year or so, but Tavaar had adamantly refused to discuss it. With Bolar, however, she found herself saying and listening to things she sometimes wouldn’t talk about even with Sashwa. Her fears, for instance. What was it like, really? Being male, Bolar was unable to fully appreciate the answer, but his matter-of-fact approach was reassuring. Also, Fadew, his wife of four score years, had discussed this very topic with him repeatedly. So he was able to relate what Fadew had told him. Naturally, he was very helpful in telling her what to expect from Wheylin. He told her Wheylin would be nervous, and why. He also prepared her for the fact that, while Wheylin certainly knew what to do, he was not likely to be very adept on the how, at least at first. She might even need to ‘give him a hand’, as it were. This turned out to be so. Tavaar had to steer him.
One thing Bolar had stressed was that Tavaar was unlikely to find the experience physically satisfying – at least, the first time. Some women did. Fadew claimed had. But for many women physical satisfaction came from training their husbands on what to do and how to do it. There was a very common reason for this: most males were so excited the experience didn’t last long. For some, it was over before it began. In time, the males would learn to control themselves. But the first time was generally short.
Much of what Bolar said came to pass. It had not hurt. Bolar had conceded that it could. He had provided her with an ointment, just in case. Wheylin had needed help, and it didn't last long. But feeling Wheylin inside her when he peaked filled her with surprise. She had not expected it to matter to her so much. Her own physical pleasure had been minimal – as Bolar had warned. But her joy at having done this for Wheylin was beyond her comprehension. She felt him relax in her arms.
“So, was that worth the wait?” she asked.
He responded by kissing her. “You were the best,” he said.
“Well, as I was the first and only, I guess that is true,” she replied.
“What about you?”
She was ready for this. Bolar had prepared her for the males’ belated interest in providing at least as much pleasure as they got. Ultimately, it truly was important to them, and in time they would consider it at the start instead of the end. But for now, she had to be honest without demoralizing. She kissed him long.
“It was even better than I expected,” she said. “I think I love you even more, Wheylin. No, don’t move. Let’s just stay like this for now.”
“I couldn’t tell,” he said. “When it happened for me – well, wow! What about you? Did it happen?”
Damn! A direct question.
“Well, no, but it doesn’t always have to,” she said, quickly. “Maybe the next time it will.”
“Then – this isn’t going to be the only time?”
She had to laugh. “No. Of course not. I want to do it again.”
“Right now?”
His boyish eagerness caught her by surprise. She really laughed now, and pulled him close. Well, why not, she thought? Maybe she could get him to slow down a bit. She might as well begin right off teaching him how to please. Some of it she had to learn herself.
“Okay. Let’s.”
The second time was better than the first. Wheylin lasted longer, but still not long. Afterward, she again would not let him slide off, and they lay and talked.
“Why did you suddenly decided to lay with me?” Wheylin asked.
“It was not sudden. I have wanted to do this for a long time.”
“They why didn’t you? There have been many chances. We were alone in the Couple’s Cabin. Why did you wait if it was what you wanted?”
It was her turn to pause. She caressed his face as she prepared her thoughts.
“Until tonight, I have not been completely honest with you, Wheylin, though I have been completely true. While I have wanted to lay with you for some time now, it has not been from the beginning. At the beginning I was angry, and I vented my anger against you. I am sorry. Please forgive me. Do you?”
“Of course I do.”
“In my anger, I made a decision not to lay with you, or anyone else. I just didn’t care anymore. I enlisted Bolar’s help. I remember he argued all day with me, but as he saw I was set in my way he eventually relented. Since that time I have not dared lay with you.”
“Why not?”
“I feared I would bear a child.”
“But the marriage potion prevents that.”
“I took no marriage potion, Wheylin. Not until last moon.”
“But I have seen you! You have drank from the little keg every day, the same as the other wives.”
“Not the same. My keg contained only tea. Bolar sent a scroll to Vohbiv with instructions.” Wheylin was silent. “I am so sorry, Wheylin. I was wrong. And after tonight I wish we had done this from the beginning. But it will be from now on.”
“So that is why you went back to Gahrem? You wanted to ask Bolar for the real potion? Why not just tell Vohbiv? He would have made it.”
“He would have, but Vohbiv didn’t know what was going on. He may suspect, but he wasn’t told. Bolar’s instructions merely told him to make my potion from the mix of herbs Bolar had sent especially for me. Vohbiv may have thought Bolar had merely added a flavor enhancement. Most women don’t mind the taste, but I think its awful. But I didn’t go to Gahrem to have Bolar give me the real baby drink. That that is just how it worked out.”
“Then why did you go?”
“To tell him what I was planning to do. I wanted someone to tell me I was right before I acted. I was afraid to ask you, or even Sashwa. So I decided on Bolar. He had no claim in this and I knew I could trust him.”
“What were you planning?”
A pause. “To have your baby. Now. This year. It would get us both out and away
from Gwihnna and Kelenbah.”
A longer pause.
“But Bolar disagreed?”
“Yes. He said our wedding was already clouded with suspicion. It happened so fast. Many were watching to see if a child was soon to come. If one did, it was almost certain the child would be declared Unaligned.”
“So what was Bolar’s solution?”
“That I should just start taking the real drink. He said I could lay with you then without worry. He said it would bind us closer than I could imagine. He was right about that, too. Having lay with you now twice, I want to do it again and again.”
“You mean right now?”
She laughed. “All right. But this time let’s try something new.”
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Tavaar - 27th Edition
Well, we had a nice break. Now it's back to Tavaar. By the way, I've got an Avatar picture which so very much reminds me of Tavaar. I've included it in this post.
Tavaar returned to Gahrem Village with a plan to escape Kelenbah and Gwihnna's plans, but Bolar adjusted them. We (the Readers) do not know what the new plan is.
As we pick up again with Tavaar, she has just returned to camp north of North Stop.
Formatting: Text notes; Text narrative; Blog notes.
Tavaar looked over the pans at Wheylin and offered an apologetic smile. He looked back and shrugged. They had walked without rest through the night, held to their pace by Tavaar’s iron will, arriving just a short time ago. Sashwa and Ahzbah had gone to crawl into the small sleeping hut, made up of branches leaned together to form shelter from wind and rain. It was so close to dawn Tavaar and Wheylin set about to preparing breakfast. Wheylin built a fire while Tavaar collected pans and water. When the sun rose the campsite was filled with the smells of breakfast.
Part of cooking duty was dishing up the meal. As the warriors awoke they grabbed metal plates and wooden spoons and then came to get their helping of porridge, bread and fried meats. Wheylin was handing out bread and meat. Tavaar was dishing porridge. All went well until a familiar pair of boots stopped beside her. Kelenbah stooped down.
“So, you made it after all,” he said.
“Disappointed?” Tavaar asked, holding the ladle.
“Partly. I spent several turns thinking up suitable punishment. But then I changed my thinking. If you were so afraid that you had to run away, perhaps what you needed was reassurance. I thought to keep you close to me so you can experience my gentler, more loving side.”
“That side wouldn’t happen to be the front, would it?”
Kelenbah smiled. “I think you would find me most accommodating, Tavaar.”
“No doubt. What of Wheylin? Will you accommodate him as well?”
Kelenbah’s smile faded. “There is no need to talk like that. I am trying to be nice.”
“Try harder.”
Kelenbah started to speak, but suddenly he stopped. His smile returned.
“You are toying with me? What game are you playing now, Tavaar?”
“Lady Tavaar.”
“My apologies, Lady Tavaar. What are you doing?”
“Right now, I am serving breakfast, Captain. When I finish I intend to eat some of it. Then I shall go stand guard while the current watch eats. Afterward will depend on your command.”
Kelenbah’s eyes flitted long enough for Tavaar to notice. There was desire there, but his uncertainty was stronger. She didn’t much care for this game, and she had yet to discuss it with Wheylin. For now, though, it seemed the best course. Kelenbah stood.
“There is no point in your standing guard,” he said. “My guess is you walked all night to get here. You must be worn out. That is not the kind of watch we need. Eat your breakfast and go to bed. I am only sending out patrols today. The company will remain in place.”
“What about Wheylin – and the others?”
Kelenbah stopped again. He was looking hard at her, as though trying to read her thoughts. Part of her worried they were guessed, but Kelenbah’s tone revealed nothing.
“Take them with you,” he said. Then he lowered his voice. “I do not expect anything will happen. You are probably too tired for that, right? Saving yourself for another time? Another place? Another person, maybe?” Then, louder. “Where are your friends, anyway?”
“Sleeping, most likely.”
“Then leave them be. Hunger can be the price of their delay.”
“Then perhaps Wheylin and I should retire without eating?”
Kelenbah smiled wickedly. “I expect you shall. I will have my breakfast, though.”
Kelenbah took his food and walked away. He sent two others to relieve Tavaar and Wheylin of their duty. The pair left the main campsite and headed for their hovel. Wheylin waited until they were out of earshot before speaking.
“What was that all about?” he demanded.
“What is it ever about?” Tavaar replied. “Kelenbah sees everything as a chance to get in my clothes.”
“I don’t mean him. I mean you. You were acting like you almost wanted him to get in.”
Tavaar stopped. “Of course I don’t, Wheylin! He’s disgusting. I wouldn’t let him touch my clothes, much less me. Do not be jealous. Please. Trust me.”
“Trust you? I don’t even know what you’re doing. Do you?”
“I hope so.”
They started walking again.
“Has this anything to do with Bolar?” She gave him a quick look and he laughed at her. “I know you do not think highly of me, Tavaar, but I am not a complete fool. You went to him for some reason, and I very much doubt it was because you were ill. We have our own healer here in camp. You were upset when we left and the entire way to Gahrem. Then you meet with Bolar in secret for an entire morning. When you return you are back to normal. What did you talk about? What did you decide?”
She stopped and caressed his face. “Wheylin, I do not think little of you. Please believe that. I did talk with Bolar about what has been going on. He had some ideas. I had some of my own, but his were better. If they work, you and I, and a lot of others are going to be free of this nonsense.”
“What is he suggesting?”
“I – I don’t want to tell you right now.”
“Why not?”
“Well, in the first place, they might not work. I don’t want to get your hopes up.”
“Tavaar, we’re married. I know we have not lay together, but I am still your husband. You can tell me.”
“No. Not yet. I haven’t even told Sashwa, Wheylin.”
Wheylin sighed. “At least I know where I stand in importance with you.”
“Oh, Wheylin, I’m sorry. I will tell you. I promise. Just not now. Okay?”
He looked at her a long time. He smiled sadly as he shook his head in resignation.
“I can never say no to you. You know that.”
She smiled and kissed him. They held it for a long moment.
“Thank you, Wheylin.”
“Yeah, right. So, is toying with Kelenbah part of this plan?”
“Part. Is it all right?”
“Oh! Now you ask me? Tavaar, Tavaar, Tavaar. You do realize you are playing with a dangerous viper? Please don’t get hurt.”
She looked long into his eyes, seeing for the first time things which had been there longer than she knew. He was trusting her. Hopefully, she would be worthy of that trust.
“Kelenbah doesn’t worry me,” she said. “That is not the part of the plan I’m afraid of.”
Wheylin paused, as if in doubt.
“Tavaar, when you are ready to do the part which does frighten you, you know you can count on me. I will be there for you.”
Again, she caressed his face. “I know. And I know this is hard for you. Just believe in me, as I do you. And I do, Wheylin. Believe that. When the time is right, I will let you know. Okay?”
“Okay.”
“Then let us go get some sleep.”
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Happy Rabbit Hole Day!
Pretty Wuffles
I wish I were a Wuffle. Why?
Because Wuffles are so pretty. Sigh.
You say they are so pretty? Yes.
Very so. Why don’t you guess?
Are they as pretty as a lion’s roar?
Oh my, oh no. They’re much much more.
How’s about a pretty, sky-blue sky?
A sky is pretty, but not so high.
What about an ocean blue?
A good good guess. You’re down to two.
A pretty flower, bright and fair.
Who’s quickly plucked? Now don’t you dare.
A child’s kiss, so innocent?
You used five guesses, off they went.
So how pretty are the Wuffles then
A Wuffle is a Wuffle, Jen
I wish I were a Wuffle. Why?
Because Wuffles are so pretty. Sigh.
You say they are so pretty? Yes.
Very so. Why don’t you guess?
Are they as pretty as a lion’s roar?
Oh my, oh no. They’re much much more.
How’s about a pretty, sky-blue sky?
A sky is pretty, but not so high.
What about an ocean blue?
A good good guess. You’re down to two.
A pretty flower, bright and fair.
Who’s quickly plucked? Now don’t you dare.
A child’s kiss, so innocent?
You used five guesses, off they went.
So how pretty are the Wuffles then
A Wuffle is a Wuffle, Jen
Monday, January 26, 2009
Tavaar - 26th Edition
Life goes on for Tavaar. Several months pass and Kelenbah and Gwihnna are putting pressure on Tavaar to submit. When that fails, they decide to pressure Wheylin.
Formatting: Text notes; Text narrative; Blog notes.
It was during their stay to the far northwest that a new tact was tried. Tavaar was returned to cooking duty, but Wheylin was not. Instead, he was given first guard duty, which put him in camp while Tavaar stood second watch. Now, for the first time in his life, Wheylin found himself the object of attention. Fortunately, he was no fool and understood he was simply a tool in the hands of others to break down Tavaar’s will. Even so, Tavaar found herself worried – and angry. She made a scene, and was promptly told the only way she could remedy the situation. She was promised things would only get worse. If they could not break her, they would break Wheylin. Tavaar feared for him, but she could think of only one way to spare him. Did she dare do it? Could he wait while she prepared?
Right or wrong, she elected not to tell him her plan. She wasn’t convinced she would go through with it, and to back down would only make mattes worse if she knew. She did not even tell Sashwa, fearing to be overheard. So she encouraged Wheylin, even as he did her.
She delayed her plan, fearing to go forward without another voice she could listen to. She knew she was panicky and doubted her own wisdom. Unfortunately, this was picked up on, and the pressure on Wheylin intensified. But Wheylin held strong. For now.
When the company was granted leave at tenth moon, Tavaar literally took Wheylin in hand and hurried away. Sashwa and Ahzbah chased them down, but Tavaar would not stop. Sashwa had always been her confidant but now, with the stakes so high, Tavaar feared she would insist on her brother knowing, and Tavaar did not want that. There was only one other person she dared trust with this plan, and he was a four day walk away. Wheylin had to go with her. She could not trust him with the others.
The person who’s advice she sought was Bolar. He was wise and experienced. He kept her confidences, too.
Their arrival in Gahrem was a surprise. At best they could remain two days. But Wheylin, Sashwa and Ahzbah were happy to be home. They arrived late in the day, but by morning a bonfire had been planned for that night: the night of the tenth moon. Tavaar slipped out of the house early and went to Bolar. She knew he liked to rise early and walk in his garden. He was pleased to see her, but he sensed immediately that she was distressed. He led her out of the village where he said she could help him gather winter herbs. These grew on the mountain itself. Something about the fire ore helped these plants flourish in winter.
While they gathered, Tavaar talked. So pent up were her feelings that releasing even a few caused them all to burst from her like water through a hole in a dam. She told him everything, from Khaiu to Shello to how she had treated Wheylin at the Couple’s House and ending, at last, with her plan to get Wheylin out of the mess she had put him in.
“So, what do you think?” she asked, feeling out of breath.
Bolar saw a large stone and sat down, brushing the snow aside. He motioned for Tavaar to sit beside him. Since leaving the village the only words he had spoken had been to instruct her about the herbs. After that he had remained silent, listening intently to all she said. He had asked no questions and accepted her tale at the pace she provided, which at times was a flurry of words, and at others a muddled mess as she retraced her tale to clarify later events, or raise points she had forgotten. Now he was somber, though not judgmental. She loved that about him. When he spoke he did not accuse, or point out the obvious. Instead, he focused on her question.
“I do not like it,” he said.
It was more than she could bear. She broke down and cried. Bolar pulled her close and let her cry against his chest. After a long time she began to collect herself. But she was in despair. Was there no solution save to give in? Was this how Gwihnna’s premonition was to find fulfillment? She felt as if her life was over. Bolar, however, seemed to be feeling better. When she let him lift her chin, she saw a tender smile.
“You had me worried. Now I feel better,” he said.
“Why?”
“Your tale, Tavaar. To have said all you told me without crying? I confess I was scared for you. You have kept this inside for more than few moons. That is a long time for anyone, but you were already feeling pressure, and that pressure dates back years. I am glad you told me. I am even more glad you cried. Now I think you have the strength to go on.”
“How long did I cry?”
Bolar glanced up at the rising sun. “Maybe two turns. How are you feeling?”
She put her arms around him and snuggled close. “Tired,” she sighed.
“Understandable,” he said, removing a flask from his robes. “Here, drink some of this.”
She accepted the flask and reacted to the strong smell of alcohol. “You’re not trying to get me drunk, are you?”
Bolar laughed. “A little. It will do you good. However, do not drink much. I need your mind clear enough to talk.”
She took a good draught and nearly choked on the potency. Some spilled down her front and she giggled. Bolar also took a drink.
“There! That will keep us warm,” he said, putting the flask away.
“It sure will. What is that stuff?”
“My own secret recipe. I share it with no one. However, because I love you so much, Tavaar, I will write it down and seal it. It will be presented to you as an everlasting reminder of an old man who loves you dearly. Far more than he ought.11 Ah, me! We none of us are perfect. But do not fret, my dear. I think your wait for the magic recipe will not be long. My time grows short.”
“Don’t talk like that,” said Tavaar, snuggling close to him. “I don’t want you to die, Bolar. I love you.”
“Ah, Tavaar. You are such a sweet girl.”
“To you I am. I’ll tell you what, Bolar: Gwihnna told me she had a premonition I would have a baby with someone other than Wheylin. She thinks it’s going to be Kelenbah. How about I have your baby instead?”
He caressed her face. “Sweet girl. If I thought it would help, I would try.”
“It would work, you know. I know it would. I would love the baby, too. You know I would. So would Wheylin. I’m sure of it. It would mean part of you would stay with me, even after – after you’re gone.”
“Are you so desperate you would lay with a one hundred and thirty-year-old man to escape your circumstances, Tavaar? I think you drank too much. Even if I somehow could father a child with you, this plan is really worse than the other.”
She held him tight. “I just don’t want you to leave me. I need you. If I could have your baby, then part of you would always be there for me.”12
“Part of me will always be with you, Tavaar. You do not need a child to make that happen. Fadew has been gone these many years now, yet still her presence gives me comfort. The greater part of me went with her when she died, but part of her remains always with me. So it is with you and me. The love you give willingly I will take with me when I die to cherish and find comfort in while I await your arrive at the place beyond. I will leave to you my love. When you think of me you will draw upon that love, and even in loneliness you will find comfort knowing I wait for you. That is the way of love, Tavaar. We live in the hearts of those to whom we give it and take it into themselves. Death cannot truly separate those who truly love each other.”
“It will still be lonely at times.”
“Yes, it will. And I do not doubt that even in the place beyond I shall be lonely for you – as I shall be for the children of my loins. But the wait shall not be forever. One day, after you are old, it will be your turn to make the journey.”
“Not only the old make the journey, Bolar.”
Bolar was quiet for a moment. “That is so. But promise me, Tavaar, that you will not choose to leave early. Joyful as I will be to see you, I will only feel it the more to know you lived your life in full.”
“Okay.”
They hugged each other tightly.
“Now, let us address the immediate,” said Bolar.
“So having your baby is definitely out?”
Bolar slumped. “Tavaar, at my age I do not even know that I could.”
“You are sure?”
“It is not something I say with joy, Tavaar. Why do you insist on this?”
"Because Gwihnna’s premonition said it is going to happen, and premonitions are never wrong. Oh, Bolar! I don’t want it to be Kelenbah. I don’t want it to be anyone I hate.”
“And you hate Kelenbah?”
“He disgusts me.”
“As he should. So, you think to solve two problems with one solution? Well, since you seem more focused on the premonition than anything else, let us leave off the other concern and talk about that. You say Gwihnna told you she had received the premonition? When did she tell you?”
“That day when she took me to her meeting place.”
“Yes, but when? Is that how she began? Did it come out by accident? When did she tell you?”
“It was at the end. In fact, it was the last thing she said.”
“Ah!”
“What?”
Bolar looked at her. He took a breath. “Tavaar, you are a brilliant girl. You know I think so?”
“Yes.”
“Then please understand my asking this: Why are you thinking without using your brain?”
“What?” Tavaar was shocked. She felt like she had been slapped.
“Think, Tavaar. Think! Gwihnna takes you aside to coerce you into submitting to Kelenbah. She wants you to bear his child because, in her own crazed thinking, she’s convinced herself this will somehow solve her own problems. Not likely. But you refuse. She threatens. You still refuse. So what does she come up with? A most convenient premonition. By planting this seed into your thoughts she has made it more acceptable for you to give in. After all, it is ‘meant’ to happen. How can you possibly refuse? Now, every time you see, or even think about, Kelenbah, the idea of laying with him comes to your mind. You think you have to. But do you?”
It was as if a heavy wall suddenly fell, freeing her from a close confinement. Suddenly, she felt free.
“She made it up!”
“Of course she made it up.”
Suddenly, she felt chagrined. “Why didn’t I realize this before?”
“Because you wanted it to be true.”
Her eyes widened in horror. “But I don’t want…”
“No, no. Not Kelenbah. Someone else.”
She went quiet, but her face flushed. She knew who he meant. After all, she had confessed everything to him.
“Khaiu.”
“Or Shello. You still have them both locked in your heart. That is why you have refused to lay with Wheylin, right? You still want one of them. But, Tavaar, that will never happen. You must accept that, or you have no hope for a good life. And I so want that for you, Tavaar. Now I know you did not choose Wheylin, but he is your husband now. At some point you must purge yourself of Khaiu and Shello and start thinking of him as such. Once you do, you will begin to love.”
“So you don’t think I’ll give in? To Kelenbah, I mean?”
Bolar made a face. “If you will not lay with Wheylin, you certainly will not with Kelenbah. Your will is too strong for him, or Gwihnna, or any or all of them. You have a destiny, Tavaar. That I know.”
Tavaar sat quiet. Her mind flitted over Bolar’s words. He was right. She had to put Khaiu – and Shello – out of her heart. Could she? Then, another thought came to her.
“Bolar, do you think she also made up the tales of others, who did submit?”
Bolar looked downcast. “No. I believe that part.”
Comprehension came quickly to her. “Because they told you, didn’t they?”
“Healers often become confessors. Not only for those they love, or who love them.”
“Who were they? I mean, we kind of have something in common.”
Bolar looked at her. “You do not really expect me to tell you, do you? It is none of your business. If any of them want you to know, they will tell you.”
Tavaar nodded. “Their parents and grandparents are powerful, though, aren’t they? That is why you are not telling me to report this. You’re afraid they will cause trouble for me.”
“Not just for you, Tavaar. There is no telling what they would do, or who would be hurt. It is the correct course, but I do not have the courage to tell you to do it. You – and your parents – could wind up suffering tremendously. It may be you will ultimately have no other course, but for now I trust your strength. In three moons you will be back. We will come up with a plan today which should help. I promise.”
Tavaar shrugged. “No one would believe me anyway.”
“They would. That is the problem. Many already know, and others suspect. Parents fear to send their children to that company. But someone has to go.”
Another thought burst upon Tavaar. “That is why mother would not relent about Wheylin! When she caught us, she feared I wouldn’t be able to resist.”
“That is my belief, too.13 Unfortunately, in your case, being married has only made your dilemma worse. As a single, Gwihnna would never allow you to lay with Kelenbah. Now she believes you can hide the real father.”
“She’s – kind – of – crazy – isn’t she?”
Bolar smiled. “She is thinking desperately. That so closely resembles madness the two cannot be easily separated. Fortunately, like the plans of madness, plans of desperation are fraught with weaknesses. All you need is a plan.”
Tavaar hung her head. “Well, I’m out of ideas. I’m so desperate myself I’m thinking crazy, too.” She looked up at Bolar and smiled sheepishly. He chuckled and gave her a squeeze.
“You made an old man happy, Tavaar. No matter the idea itself was insane. I am honored you think so well of me to even consider bearing my child.”
“I love you, Bolar.”
“I know, honey. I love you, too.”
“So when do I begin to come up with a plan?”
“You start with the one you offered first.”
“But you said you didn’t like it!”
“Not as you planned it, no. It would solve one problem, but create a possibly worse one. And it would leave a problem in your wake. No, Tavaar. We need to solve this once and for all, without stirring up other trouble. It will not be easy, and I expect it will not be done quickly. It may take a few years. However, if you are willing to try, you may save several others at the same time. Are you willing to try? Wheylin will have to agree on this. Bear that in mind. If possible, try to enlist a couple of others to help.”14
“I am willing. What must I do?”
“Well, first I must make a new potion for you. How long can you stay in the village?”
“A day or two. To stay longer is to risk apprehension.”
“It will be enough. Now listen well. You were on the correct path with your plan, but in your desperate state you were not thinking clearly. You need only change a couple of things to save Wheylin. I believe it should help you, too. After that, you need to add some things. This is where you will need Wheylin’s consent. I know you are in charge and the decisions fall to you, but listen to him on this. Okay?”
“Okay.”15
They talked until the sun was high. Even after the plan had been settle upon they remained, walking, talking and gathering the winter herbs. Tavaar had not felt this happy in more than a year. Not since she had lost Sashwa to the military. Parts of the plan made her nervous, despite it having been her original idea. Feeling desperate, any act seemed easy enough. Now, with the desperation gone, she was feeling nervous. Bolar had no concerns on that part. His concerns centered on the inevitable delay to begin, and the course she would subsequently take. He calmed himself and encouraged her by reminding them both several times that this portion of the plan would only last two moons – providing Wheylin agreed. Tavaar decided not reveal the plan until the next moon. That was when the plan would really happen, providing she had the nerve.
Bolar did not make her come to the house to collect the new potion. Instead, he brought it to her. It was in a small keg of the same make carried by several women. He also brought a pair of small flasks, and upon arriving at the door insisted both Sashwa and Wheylin drink. He had already been to Ahzbah’s house and made her drink. Then he gave them all a quick examination, checking their throats and forcing them to cough up phlegm. Tavaar hid her smile. She knew Bolar was hiding the purpose of her visit by making all believe she was ill.
They could probably have left before dark and walked into the night, but Tavaar decided against that. There was snow, but it wasn’t too deep. Winter was taking its time in arriving. Tavaar walked to the servants’ house and knocked on the door. A young boy opened it from inside and she requested the presence of Jamvahn and his wife. When they came to the door she informed them she wanted Jamvahn to hitch up her carriage in the morning and drive her, Wheylin, Sashwa and Ahzbah to North Stop. They would push hard, despite the snow. Hopefully, they would arrive in two days. Jamvahn could return at his own pace. Jamvahn said the carriage would be ready. He would bring Hiljam, too, and his young son – if it were all right with Lady Tavaar. Tavaar smiled at the boy and agreed. Then she returned to the house.
In the morning, Jamvahn had the carriage waiting outside by the door. Sashwa, Wheylin and Ahzbah were already seated, but Tavaar had delayed. She was with her mother in the hall. She put her arms around Taylich’s neck and kissed her.
“What is that for?” Taylich asked.
“Because you are my mother. But mostly because you love me.”
“I have always loved you, dear. Why this sudden reward?”
Tavaar bowed her head. “I am sorry, mama. I have treated you badly this past years. Especially this year.”
Taylich reached out and touched Tavaar’s cheek.
“Mama? You have not called me that in years. Is all well, Tavaar? Are you very ill? I am sure we can arrange a longer leave.”
“No, mama. I am fine. Give my love to papa.”
Tavaar kissed her mother again and left. Taylich stood at the door and watched them leave.16
Formatting: Text notes; Text narrative; Blog notes.
It was during their stay to the far northwest that a new tact was tried. Tavaar was returned to cooking duty, but Wheylin was not. Instead, he was given first guard duty, which put him in camp while Tavaar stood second watch. Now, for the first time in his life, Wheylin found himself the object of attention. Fortunately, he was no fool and understood he was simply a tool in the hands of others to break down Tavaar’s will. Even so, Tavaar found herself worried – and angry. She made a scene, and was promptly told the only way she could remedy the situation. She was promised things would only get worse. If they could not break her, they would break Wheylin. Tavaar feared for him, but she could think of only one way to spare him. Did she dare do it? Could he wait while she prepared?
Right or wrong, she elected not to tell him her plan. She wasn’t convinced she would go through with it, and to back down would only make mattes worse if she knew. She did not even tell Sashwa, fearing to be overheard. So she encouraged Wheylin, even as he did her.
She delayed her plan, fearing to go forward without another voice she could listen to. She knew she was panicky and doubted her own wisdom. Unfortunately, this was picked up on, and the pressure on Wheylin intensified. But Wheylin held strong. For now.
When the company was granted leave at tenth moon, Tavaar literally took Wheylin in hand and hurried away. Sashwa and Ahzbah chased them down, but Tavaar would not stop. Sashwa had always been her confidant but now, with the stakes so high, Tavaar feared she would insist on her brother knowing, and Tavaar did not want that. There was only one other person she dared trust with this plan, and he was a four day walk away. Wheylin had to go with her. She could not trust him with the others.
The person who’s advice she sought was Bolar. He was wise and experienced. He kept her confidences, too.
Their arrival in Gahrem was a surprise. At best they could remain two days. But Wheylin, Sashwa and Ahzbah were happy to be home. They arrived late in the day, but by morning a bonfire had been planned for that night: the night of the tenth moon. Tavaar slipped out of the house early and went to Bolar. She knew he liked to rise early and walk in his garden. He was pleased to see her, but he sensed immediately that she was distressed. He led her out of the village where he said she could help him gather winter herbs. These grew on the mountain itself. Something about the fire ore helped these plants flourish in winter.
While they gathered, Tavaar talked. So pent up were her feelings that releasing even a few caused them all to burst from her like water through a hole in a dam. She told him everything, from Khaiu to Shello to how she had treated Wheylin at the Couple’s House and ending, at last, with her plan to get Wheylin out of the mess she had put him in.
“So, what do you think?” she asked, feeling out of breath.
Bolar saw a large stone and sat down, brushing the snow aside. He motioned for Tavaar to sit beside him. Since leaving the village the only words he had spoken had been to instruct her about the herbs. After that he had remained silent, listening intently to all she said. He had asked no questions and accepted her tale at the pace she provided, which at times was a flurry of words, and at others a muddled mess as she retraced her tale to clarify later events, or raise points she had forgotten. Now he was somber, though not judgmental. She loved that about him. When he spoke he did not accuse, or point out the obvious. Instead, he focused on her question.
“I do not like it,” he said.
It was more than she could bear. She broke down and cried. Bolar pulled her close and let her cry against his chest. After a long time she began to collect herself. But she was in despair. Was there no solution save to give in? Was this how Gwihnna’s premonition was to find fulfillment? She felt as if her life was over. Bolar, however, seemed to be feeling better. When she let him lift her chin, she saw a tender smile.
“You had me worried. Now I feel better,” he said.
“Why?”
“Your tale, Tavaar. To have said all you told me without crying? I confess I was scared for you. You have kept this inside for more than few moons. That is a long time for anyone, but you were already feeling pressure, and that pressure dates back years. I am glad you told me. I am even more glad you cried. Now I think you have the strength to go on.”
“How long did I cry?”
Bolar glanced up at the rising sun. “Maybe two turns. How are you feeling?”
She put her arms around him and snuggled close. “Tired,” she sighed.
“Understandable,” he said, removing a flask from his robes. “Here, drink some of this.”
She accepted the flask and reacted to the strong smell of alcohol. “You’re not trying to get me drunk, are you?”
Bolar laughed. “A little. It will do you good. However, do not drink much. I need your mind clear enough to talk.”
She took a good draught and nearly choked on the potency. Some spilled down her front and she giggled. Bolar also took a drink.
“There! That will keep us warm,” he said, putting the flask away.
“It sure will. What is that stuff?”
“My own secret recipe. I share it with no one. However, because I love you so much, Tavaar, I will write it down and seal it. It will be presented to you as an everlasting reminder of an old man who loves you dearly. Far more than he ought.11 Ah, me! We none of us are perfect. But do not fret, my dear. I think your wait for the magic recipe will not be long. My time grows short.”
“Don’t talk like that,” said Tavaar, snuggling close to him. “I don’t want you to die, Bolar. I love you.”
“Ah, Tavaar. You are such a sweet girl.”
“To you I am. I’ll tell you what, Bolar: Gwihnna told me she had a premonition I would have a baby with someone other than Wheylin. She thinks it’s going to be Kelenbah. How about I have your baby instead?”
He caressed her face. “Sweet girl. If I thought it would help, I would try.”
“It would work, you know. I know it would. I would love the baby, too. You know I would. So would Wheylin. I’m sure of it. It would mean part of you would stay with me, even after – after you’re gone.”
“Are you so desperate you would lay with a one hundred and thirty-year-old man to escape your circumstances, Tavaar? I think you drank too much. Even if I somehow could father a child with you, this plan is really worse than the other.”
She held him tight. “I just don’t want you to leave me. I need you. If I could have your baby, then part of you would always be there for me.”12
“Part of me will always be with you, Tavaar. You do not need a child to make that happen. Fadew has been gone these many years now, yet still her presence gives me comfort. The greater part of me went with her when she died, but part of her remains always with me. So it is with you and me. The love you give willingly I will take with me when I die to cherish and find comfort in while I await your arrive at the place beyond. I will leave to you my love. When you think of me you will draw upon that love, and even in loneliness you will find comfort knowing I wait for you. That is the way of love, Tavaar. We live in the hearts of those to whom we give it and take it into themselves. Death cannot truly separate those who truly love each other.”
“It will still be lonely at times.”
“Yes, it will. And I do not doubt that even in the place beyond I shall be lonely for you – as I shall be for the children of my loins. But the wait shall not be forever. One day, after you are old, it will be your turn to make the journey.”
“Not only the old make the journey, Bolar.”
Bolar was quiet for a moment. “That is so. But promise me, Tavaar, that you will not choose to leave early. Joyful as I will be to see you, I will only feel it the more to know you lived your life in full.”
“Okay.”
They hugged each other tightly.
“Now, let us address the immediate,” said Bolar.
“So having your baby is definitely out?”
Bolar slumped. “Tavaar, at my age I do not even know that I could.”
“You are sure?”
“It is not something I say with joy, Tavaar. Why do you insist on this?”
"Because Gwihnna’s premonition said it is going to happen, and premonitions are never wrong. Oh, Bolar! I don’t want it to be Kelenbah. I don’t want it to be anyone I hate.”
“And you hate Kelenbah?”
“He disgusts me.”
“As he should. So, you think to solve two problems with one solution? Well, since you seem more focused on the premonition than anything else, let us leave off the other concern and talk about that. You say Gwihnna told you she had received the premonition? When did she tell you?”
“That day when she took me to her meeting place.”
“Yes, but when? Is that how she began? Did it come out by accident? When did she tell you?”
“It was at the end. In fact, it was the last thing she said.”
“Ah!”
“What?”
Bolar looked at her. He took a breath. “Tavaar, you are a brilliant girl. You know I think so?”
“Yes.”
“Then please understand my asking this: Why are you thinking without using your brain?”
“What?” Tavaar was shocked. She felt like she had been slapped.
“Think, Tavaar. Think! Gwihnna takes you aside to coerce you into submitting to Kelenbah. She wants you to bear his child because, in her own crazed thinking, she’s convinced herself this will somehow solve her own problems. Not likely. But you refuse. She threatens. You still refuse. So what does she come up with? A most convenient premonition. By planting this seed into your thoughts she has made it more acceptable for you to give in. After all, it is ‘meant’ to happen. How can you possibly refuse? Now, every time you see, or even think about, Kelenbah, the idea of laying with him comes to your mind. You think you have to. But do you?”
It was as if a heavy wall suddenly fell, freeing her from a close confinement. Suddenly, she felt free.
“She made it up!”
“Of course she made it up.”
Suddenly, she felt chagrined. “Why didn’t I realize this before?”
“Because you wanted it to be true.”
Her eyes widened in horror. “But I don’t want…”
“No, no. Not Kelenbah. Someone else.”
She went quiet, but her face flushed. She knew who he meant. After all, she had confessed everything to him.
“Khaiu.”
“Or Shello. You still have them both locked in your heart. That is why you have refused to lay with Wheylin, right? You still want one of them. But, Tavaar, that will never happen. You must accept that, or you have no hope for a good life. And I so want that for you, Tavaar. Now I know you did not choose Wheylin, but he is your husband now. At some point you must purge yourself of Khaiu and Shello and start thinking of him as such. Once you do, you will begin to love.”
“So you don’t think I’ll give in? To Kelenbah, I mean?”
Bolar made a face. “If you will not lay with Wheylin, you certainly will not with Kelenbah. Your will is too strong for him, or Gwihnna, or any or all of them. You have a destiny, Tavaar. That I know.”
Tavaar sat quiet. Her mind flitted over Bolar’s words. He was right. She had to put Khaiu – and Shello – out of her heart. Could she? Then, another thought came to her.
“Bolar, do you think she also made up the tales of others, who did submit?”
Bolar looked downcast. “No. I believe that part.”
Comprehension came quickly to her. “Because they told you, didn’t they?”
“Healers often become confessors. Not only for those they love, or who love them.”
“Who were they? I mean, we kind of have something in common.”
Bolar looked at her. “You do not really expect me to tell you, do you? It is none of your business. If any of them want you to know, they will tell you.”
Tavaar nodded. “Their parents and grandparents are powerful, though, aren’t they? That is why you are not telling me to report this. You’re afraid they will cause trouble for me.”
“Not just for you, Tavaar. There is no telling what they would do, or who would be hurt. It is the correct course, but I do not have the courage to tell you to do it. You – and your parents – could wind up suffering tremendously. It may be you will ultimately have no other course, but for now I trust your strength. In three moons you will be back. We will come up with a plan today which should help. I promise.”
Tavaar shrugged. “No one would believe me anyway.”
“They would. That is the problem. Many already know, and others suspect. Parents fear to send their children to that company. But someone has to go.”
Another thought burst upon Tavaar. “That is why mother would not relent about Wheylin! When she caught us, she feared I wouldn’t be able to resist.”
“That is my belief, too.13 Unfortunately, in your case, being married has only made your dilemma worse. As a single, Gwihnna would never allow you to lay with Kelenbah. Now she believes you can hide the real father.”
“She’s – kind – of – crazy – isn’t she?”
Bolar smiled. “She is thinking desperately. That so closely resembles madness the two cannot be easily separated. Fortunately, like the plans of madness, plans of desperation are fraught with weaknesses. All you need is a plan.”
Tavaar hung her head. “Well, I’m out of ideas. I’m so desperate myself I’m thinking crazy, too.” She looked up at Bolar and smiled sheepishly. He chuckled and gave her a squeeze.
“You made an old man happy, Tavaar. No matter the idea itself was insane. I am honored you think so well of me to even consider bearing my child.”
“I love you, Bolar.”
“I know, honey. I love you, too.”
“So when do I begin to come up with a plan?”
“You start with the one you offered first.”
“But you said you didn’t like it!”
“Not as you planned it, no. It would solve one problem, but create a possibly worse one. And it would leave a problem in your wake. No, Tavaar. We need to solve this once and for all, without stirring up other trouble. It will not be easy, and I expect it will not be done quickly. It may take a few years. However, if you are willing to try, you may save several others at the same time. Are you willing to try? Wheylin will have to agree on this. Bear that in mind. If possible, try to enlist a couple of others to help.”14
“I am willing. What must I do?”
“Well, first I must make a new potion for you. How long can you stay in the village?”
“A day or two. To stay longer is to risk apprehension.”
“It will be enough. Now listen well. You were on the correct path with your plan, but in your desperate state you were not thinking clearly. You need only change a couple of things to save Wheylin. I believe it should help you, too. After that, you need to add some things. This is where you will need Wheylin’s consent. I know you are in charge and the decisions fall to you, but listen to him on this. Okay?”
“Okay.”15
They talked until the sun was high. Even after the plan had been settle upon they remained, walking, talking and gathering the winter herbs. Tavaar had not felt this happy in more than a year. Not since she had lost Sashwa to the military. Parts of the plan made her nervous, despite it having been her original idea. Feeling desperate, any act seemed easy enough. Now, with the desperation gone, she was feeling nervous. Bolar had no concerns on that part. His concerns centered on the inevitable delay to begin, and the course she would subsequently take. He calmed himself and encouraged her by reminding them both several times that this portion of the plan would only last two moons – providing Wheylin agreed. Tavaar decided not reveal the plan until the next moon. That was when the plan would really happen, providing she had the nerve.
Bolar did not make her come to the house to collect the new potion. Instead, he brought it to her. It was in a small keg of the same make carried by several women. He also brought a pair of small flasks, and upon arriving at the door insisted both Sashwa and Wheylin drink. He had already been to Ahzbah’s house and made her drink. Then he gave them all a quick examination, checking their throats and forcing them to cough up phlegm. Tavaar hid her smile. She knew Bolar was hiding the purpose of her visit by making all believe she was ill.
They could probably have left before dark and walked into the night, but Tavaar decided against that. There was snow, but it wasn’t too deep. Winter was taking its time in arriving. Tavaar walked to the servants’ house and knocked on the door. A young boy opened it from inside and she requested the presence of Jamvahn and his wife. When they came to the door she informed them she wanted Jamvahn to hitch up her carriage in the morning and drive her, Wheylin, Sashwa and Ahzbah to North Stop. They would push hard, despite the snow. Hopefully, they would arrive in two days. Jamvahn could return at his own pace. Jamvahn said the carriage would be ready. He would bring Hiljam, too, and his young son – if it were all right with Lady Tavaar. Tavaar smiled at the boy and agreed. Then she returned to the house.
In the morning, Jamvahn had the carriage waiting outside by the door. Sashwa, Wheylin and Ahzbah were already seated, but Tavaar had delayed. She was with her mother in the hall. She put her arms around Taylich’s neck and kissed her.
“What is that for?” Taylich asked.
“Because you are my mother. But mostly because you love me.”
“I have always loved you, dear. Why this sudden reward?”
Tavaar bowed her head. “I am sorry, mama. I have treated you badly this past years. Especially this year.”
Taylich reached out and touched Tavaar’s cheek.
“Mama? You have not called me that in years. Is all well, Tavaar? Are you very ill? I am sure we can arrange a longer leave.”
“No, mama. I am fine. Give my love to papa.”
Tavaar kissed her mother again and left. Taylich stood at the door and watched them leave.16
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Tavaar - 25th Edition
We're right at the beginning of several passages which seem forced. The problem I was trying to solve was to provide a basis for Tavaar's sordid reputation in Book I. I wanted part of it to be valid, but the worst of it to simply be cruel rumor. But then I had to have a reason for the cruel rumors. It's just that there are so many problems associated with the route I chose. I still haven't got a clear handle on the military, which raises doubts in my own mind about the likelihood important characters would be available to interact as they do. However, under no current obligation to rewrite - my own or others - things will remain as they for the time being.
Formatting: Text notes; Text narrative; Blog notes.
Gwihnna was not only true to her word, but she was also fast. The very next day she and Tavaar were assigned a short scouting mission. The pretense was Gwihnna was going to teach Tavaar some common scouting skills, but that was ridiculous. Tavaar was already a superior woodsman to Gwihnna.
They separated from the company just a couple of turns past breakfast. The two women kissed their husbands and headed west. The company veered east, toward the lake. Gwihnna did not speak as she led Tavaar further and further away, and Tavaar asked no questions. Although she wasn’t completely sure what Gwihnna planned to tell her, Tavaar was not fooled by the scouting mission. Finally, after about a turn, Gwihnna stopped.
They were in a small clearing on a rise. The forest was thick around them, hemming them in like spectators at a tournament. Above them, the sun burned hot. The air was quiet, as though listening. A fallen tree lay prominently across the rise. It had once stood tall and proud. Now it lay dead, its wood rotting away to replenish the soil which had once fed it. Gwihnna walked to it and found a place where she could sit in the shade. She motioned for Tavaar to come near. Tavaar did, but she remained in the sun, standing.
“I expect you are already aware that Kelenbah’s order was merely a ruse to get us alone where we could talk without fear of interruption. This seems like a good place.”
“I expect so. After all, why return if it is not? You have been here before.”
Gwihnna seemed surprised. “Why do you say that?”
“You led the way, and you led with purpose. There was never any hesitation about direction. You knew where you were going.”
Gwihnna smiled. “Very good, Tavaar. I am impressed. Not all new soldiers are so attentive. Your hunting skills are well honed. Yes, you are correct: I have brought others here to talk. Hopefully, you are wiser than the wisest. I mean that sincerely.”
“Thank you. I also thank you for last night. You spared me an unpleasant challenge.”
“Put off. The ‘challenge’, as you put it, has only been delayed. And you may be less included to thank me after we have talked. Why not sit? We could be here a while.”
Tavaar was tempted to show her pride and remain standing, but she suspected that would merely lengthen the duration of their say as Gwihnna sought to break her. There was little to be accomplished standing proudly in the sun. She was no tree. Yet even the oak had failed to endure. Choosing a place that looked comfortable, but still allowed a good view of Gwihnna, she went and sat down. Gwihnna seemed impressed.
“Well, this may not take so long as I thought. You are already showing more wisdom than the others. They allowed their natural mistrust and suspicion to fuel their pride. One stood two full turns in the hot sun before relenting. And one fainted. But that was an especially hot day.”
“How long did Ahzbah and Sashwa last?”
“They have not been here. Not everyone has to. All told, I believe there have been less than a dozen. To be honest, I am surprised you are one of them. Your reputation led me to believe something else. However, thus far you are showing very good sense. Perhaps I was right about you after all, and this meeting is unnecessary. So tell me, Tavaar, why did you resist Kelenbah’s order last night?”
“You do not know?”
“I thought I did. Now I am not so sure. Tell me.”
Tavaar hesitated before replying. That she could have been wrong in her suspicions was possible, but not likely. That Gwihnna should be unaware of Kelenbah was even less likely. However, blurting out all of her suspicions seemed unwise. Wisdom suggested caution. Let your opponent reveal their intent. Give them no out.
“I had my doubts about his motives.”
Gwihnna nodded her head, as though pleased with Tavaar’s tact.
“Understandable. I expect you have heard stories. You have friends in this company. Sashwa. Ahzbah. Wheylin has been with us a year. Perhaps you fear their stories are just tales to trick you into a foolish act? I know Sashwa and Ahzbah like to have fun. Is that it, Tavaar? Having not seen for yourself, you are hesitant? I understand. It makes perfect sense. Perhaps it is best if both you and Wheylin are taken from cooking duty. That way you can observe for yourself. I will speak to Kelenbah. You will soon see that you have nothing to fear. Then you can have your turns apart from Wheylin.”
“What is it you think I fear, if not the behavior itself?”
“Why, being caught, of course. Making an advance only to be called wanton. But do not worry: no one is going to tell on themselves. We all have too much to lose.”
“What of the singles?”
Gwihnna waved her hand dismissively.
“It is no less wanton for a single person to be in the arms of someone else’s spouse than it is for a married person.”
“Then why do it, if the price of being caught is so high?”
“That is a question I hardly expected from you, Tavaar. That is hardly your reputation. You enjoy the boys as much as anyone. More so, from what I hear.”
Tavaar bit her lip. Who would have been Gwihnna’s source for information? Sashwa? No. Ahzbah? Maybe. “I did enjoy them.”
“Did? Oh, do not try to convince me you are through playing. Why? Certainly not because of Wheylin. His reputation is quite different from yours. There is no way that boy satisfies you.”
“You are certain of that? Sometimes the quiet ones can be most satisfying.”
“Humph. Sometimes, yes. But not this time. Tavaar, you have not lay with him since joining us. Have you ever? Do not pretend fulfillment to me. I am not easily fooled.”
“The issue is not about fulfillment. It is about faithfulness,” said Tavaar, unwilling to discuss Wheylin. “I have pledged myself to Wheylin. I will not lay with another.”
“Now you have me questioning your wisdom again, girl. But no one is asking you to lay with anyone – not even Wheylin. Think of it as you do a bonfire. People are just having fun.”
“Even at a bonfire wives do not share their husbands. Nor do they take other males in their arms.”
“Do not play the righteous woman, Tavaar. It does not fit you. You have taken more than one courted male in your arms – and not just at bonfires. The difference between that and this is not that great. And what is the harm, I ask you? You are still new, and you do not truly know the life of a soldier. We have eight regions we patrol in sequence. Certain companies get lucky and are sent on longer patrols. But to get those assignments requires influence with the Head-of-Family. The rest of us circle family lands in a never ending bracelet of protection. Two areas are very active, and one can actually be dangerous: that area we left just before you joined us. This region, and the one opposite in the east, may have an occasional incursion, but they are rare – especially here in the west. From here we move to the first of four very safe regions, where we will spend half the year. Think of that, Tavaar. Half a year spent wandering around in the forest looking for enemies that just are not there. It is quite dull, I assure you. One can only relate so many tales before they become wearisome. Notepacks can get tiresome, too. Is it any wonder people seek other entertainment?”
“At the cost of honor and dignity?”
“Stay your indignation. Why should singles have all the fun? Besides, many actually prefer the arms of a wife. She often adds spices a single girl does not.”
“Providing she is someone else’s wife.”
“Oh, Tavaar, stop. Do not pretend to me that you would not love to take some of our males aside for some private fun? Many you already have, I believe. I know they would love to be with you.”
“That was before I married Wheylin.”
“Yes, yes, Wheylin. Why did you marry him anyway? You know we were all looking forward to your joining us. The males’ anticipation carried over and made for some excellent play. I confess that I was eager for your arrival. Then you show up and are – this. How disappointing.”
“Why? Were you hoping for a turn? Well, you are not my type.”
Gwihnna frowned. “I see you will insist on being foolish. You are not so wise as I had hoped. In fact, you are the biggest fool yet, which is sad, because you are so young, and pretty, and this could really be a good time for you. But I fear you are in for the biggest fall of all. For that reason, I will give you this one last warning. I did not warn the others. Their smugness and self-righteous attitude earned them what they got. You are different than them. Oh, you are making the same stand as they, but I suspect your reasons are different somehow. At the least, you are not accusatory and threatening. I believe you really do understand. That is why I would spare you their fate.”
“And what fate is that?”
“Tavaar, all I said about military life being dull is true. I did not exaggerate. If anything, I understated it. For a young girl who is used to having fun, that can be especially hard. That is why we have our evening social time.”
“To satisfy the singles?”
“It was begun for the singles, yes. But then someone realized that the company’s couples were not completely married. Not really.”
“How so? They lay together.”
“True. True. Well, most do. But then, singles have been known to do that, too. Do you not agree, Tavaar.”
Tavaar’s eyes flashed. “I have never lay with any – anyone.”
She caught herself too late. Gwihnna’s sly smile showed she had picked up on the not so hidden meaning of Tavaar’s words.
“I will accept your word on that, of course, dear. But there were no children. Once a couple begins to have children they are removed from military service. So why not let them join in the fun?”
“I find your argument weak. And you have yet to tell me what happened to the others.”
“Of course you are not the first to resist all of this,” said Gwihnna. “But few resisted long. The allure was too great.”
Tavaar’s expression changed to disbelief. “So no one has remained pure? Everyone has joined in?”
“I did not say that. You are not using your brains. No, not everyone participates. Some are not asked.”
“Like Wheylin?”
“Yes. Is that what this is about? I am sure something can be arranged.”
“Get on with your tale.”
“Another reason not all join in is that it is easy to resist for a year, maybe even two. And as few stay longer than a year, it is no problem for them to ‘hold to their ideals’. But none of those who stayed longer did. It seems the better the warrior, the more likely she is to enjoy her fun. And for those who fought against their natural desires, submitting at last always led to truly shameful situations. Oh, they did not actually ‘lay’ with another male, but they may just as well have done, considering what they did and what they allowed. I guess the sudden release of built up desire was more than they could handle. It is not like in the village. These males are much more aggressive and are quite willing to test your limits. That is why I am concerned for you, and why my intervening last night was no favor to you. You do nothing with your husband and you refuse to take another. For a girl like you, Tavaar, that is too much. You will never last the time you will be kept here. You are too good a warrior to simply let go. You know what will happen when you finally break? It is not a question of what you will do. The question is, who will be the first? I very much doubt it will be Wheylin, Tavaar. Why not just give in now while you still have control of yourself? That way, it will be Wheylin. Because I promise you, the pressure to submit will only get worse. These males have been waiting for you, and do not think they do not understand the prize which awaits should you continue to resist.”
“You have such low regard of me?”
“Girl, it is not a matter of regard. I have seen too many fall to believe you can resist for nine or ten years.”
“Great warriors have been let out early before.”
Gwihnna chuckled. “Even you acknowledge your greatness. That is as it should be, I guess. Great warriors are only released early when their company captain agrees. That will not happen for you, Tavaar. I can assure you of that. Not if you continue down this path. Spare yourself the shame, Tavaar. These others, who allowed hands and kisses to go places they should not, they live with their shame every day now. Your shame will be greater. You know it will. You may even produce a child to remind you. Maybe others will accept Wheylin as the father – providing the child does not too closely resemble someone else – but you will know. And you will have to live with that forever. Why fight when you know you are destined to lose, Tavaar? You can have fun now, and no one will be hurt. Later, all you will have is a moment of passion. Your guilt will overwhelm any fun you might have. Give in now, Tavaar. It is your only choice.”
Tavaar sat silent. Gwihnna was full of troubling ideas. Were they true, though? Her history was one of fun. She loved to play. But marrying Wheylin had put all of that to an end. Was that the real reason she had refused to lay with him? Was she punishing him for taking that away from her? Was she hoping he would finally give up and bring her before the Council? She would be humiliated and shamed beyond measure, but she would be free! The marriage would be annulled. Who would want her after that? She could never remarry. Wheylin could. As the victim he might find his station improved. She would become an Explorer. She would still have her fun, too. There were plenty of males who would love her attentions. Did not Gwihnna just tell her so?
Thinking of Gwihnna brought Tavaar back to reality. No. She would not dwell on those thoughts. A look at Gwihnna showed the older woman5 looked like she guessed most of Tavaar’s thought.
“You see? It is already begun, and there is no one here but you and me. Here is another thought for you: you do not need to be guilty to gain a reputation. Neither must you be innocent to be known as such. The others I spoke of. You do not know who they are, do you? Only a few do. I am not even sure the husbands know. But I know.”
“How, if the husbands do not?”
Gwihnna smiled. “I spied,” she confessed. “For some, anyway. The one which went the furthest I learned from Kelenbah. He is fun, and he can be - most persuasive.”
“And this does not bother you?”
“That time did, I confess. But I had my revenge. I made him sit and watch the following evening while I had fun with someone else. Do not be disgusted, Tavaar. This is our fun, but there are rules. There are things which should not be done. I know how far to take things with other males. With Kelenbah I do everything. Your friends, Sashwa and Ahzbah, they also know. I have no concerns about them. But from now on you will be under constant pressure. I hope for your sake you do not last long.”
“What do you get out of this?”
There was a slight flicker in Gwihnna’s eyes, as though the question caught her by surprise.
“I like to see my husband happy. He enjoys play as much as I. When the time is right, we shall leave the military and begin our own house. He will be the father of my children. Will you be able to say the same of your husband?”6
Tavaar didn’t answer. She was thinking of Gwihnna’s words. A thought came to her like a ray of sunlight breaking from behind a cloud.
“This all began with Kelenbah, didn’t it?”
“What?”
“You say once Kelenbah confessed to you what he had done, and others you spied upon. All of this began with Kelenbah and some other warrior, didn’t it? You thought to shame and dismay him by repeating his act with another before him, but it didn’t work. All you did was make it more acceptable for others to repeat the behavior – which they did – with Kelenbah. That is why you spied. You feared what would happen and intervened before they actually lay together. That is how you came to wed Kelenbah, isn’t it? You lay with him. He married you, but he was not ready. Being beautiful, he was tempted by another, and not ready for marriage, he submitted. The problem, of course, is that when something is completely wrong, once you cross the line, you have no boundary to stop you. That was your problem with Kelenbah. Once he was in the arms of another he was wrong, so what matter that he couldn’t, or wouldn’t, stop? He was at the mercy of the woman who’s arms held him. It was only a matter of time before he lay with someone – if he has not already. So you did what you thought you must: you changed family law. Now, in this company, only laying with someone is wrong – unless they are your spouse. Otherwise, all is acceptable. This provides Kelenbah with a boundary he cannot cross while still allowing him his ‘fun’. You make a big show of controlling him, but the truth is he really does control you. Bringing me here is not for your or my benefit: it is for him. You do fear I will lay with someone other than Wheylin. You fear I will lay with Kelenbah. Once in my arms, he would do all I asked and allowed. It is not me with any male that concerns you. It is me with your husband. Your purpose in enticing me to join in your new world of right and wrong is twofold: you wish to ensure I will not let him lay with me; you resent those who do not join in. The others, no doubt, looked down upon you and your new rules. They saw themselves as superior. So those who you could, you got rid of. The others you watched fall. It must have given you great joy to see it.”
“Sometimes. When it was with someone other than Kelenbah. I spared them the ultimate shame, though. I would wait. Eventually, their britches would come down. Then I would ‘discover’ them.”
“You have never revealed who they are?”
Gwihnna made a face. “There is no need. The looks on their faces were my reward. I made sure to look them in the eyes. Never again will they feel superior in my presence. My britches have never come down for anyone other than my husband.”
“But you spared them the ultimate act? Why?”
“I am not completely disgusting and cruel, Tavaar. I know pity. They must live with what they know they were about to do, as well as what they did. However, to lay with someone is to risk creating a child. They would hate such children. I would not see a child hated because of the mother’s actions.”
“Yet you would mine? You said you would not stop me.”
Gwihnna gave her a keen look, as if sizing her up. “I told you right off I recognize you as different than the others. You are wiser. You are more thoughtful and accepting of the truth, I believe. You are the only one to have guessed this. I do not believe you would hate such a child, Tavaar. I believe you would see the sin as your own and the child as someone separate from that sin. You might not love the father, but you would love the child.”
Tavaar looked at Gwihnna, wide-eyed. “You are expecting me to lay with Kelenbah? And you will not prevent it, even if you can?”
Gwihnna was no longer able to return Tavaar’s look. “It is what he wants.”
“Why is that so important?”7
“Tavaar, I am not beautiful. I know that. I have known it all my life. Finding males to play with was going to be harder for me than for girls like you. But I like them, and I enjoy playing with them. Before Kelenbah, I played with many males. It was not easy at first, but word got around that I was fun. But none wanted to court. None wanted anything more than play. I guess the idea of having a plain, overweight, low-talent woman for a wife was more than they could bear.”
“So you gave Kelenbah everything?”
“Yes. He was frightened afterward. He was afraid we would be found out. I had not taken the marriage potion, so we both assumed there would be a child. He agreed to marry me. We joined the military right off. We figured once it became clear I was with child we could use the excuse we didn’t like the military and saw this as our way out.”
“But there was no child?”
“No. We were both surprised and relieved, but we were also married. He belonged to me now. He had given up a courtship with the girl he loved for me. I had done that to him.”
“He was a willing player. Let him bear his guilt.”
“But I worked him up! You know how easy it is to do that. Once he was excited, he couldn’t say no to me. He was helpless. It was my fault.” 8
Tavaar remembered her encounter with Shello, when she had tried exactly what Gwihnna did. Kelenbah had given in. Shello had not. She had tried with Shello because she had not tried with Khaiu. Now she knew it didn’t matter. Khaiu wouldn’t have submitted either. As much as she ached for them both, she was glad they had not. She looked again at Gwihnna.
“He could have resisted. Your intent does not absolve him. It certainly does not earn him this.”
“I think it does. He loves me, and he enjoys how I please him. But he feels cheated – and he has been. That is why I allow this. He needs to get it out of his system. I know if he could – lay with you – that would be the end of it. He’s so looked forward to your joining us. Some of the males have talked a lot about you.”
“He promises to stop if I let him lay with me?”
“No. No, he has not said anything. But I know he would. Then we would leave the military and raise our own children.”
“And me behind as some significant milestone in his life? Gwihnna, you make me out to be the most wanton of creatures.”
“I do not mean to! All the same, I do not care. I have decided. You will be the one. I cannot wait much longer.”
“You will wait longer than you think. I have decided. I will not lay with him.”
“But at least take him in your arms. He knows how to please.”
“No doubt. He’s had plenty of practice. This talk is finished. I am leaving for the rendezvous place. You may come or stay.”
Tavaar got up and started to leave. Gwihnna jumped up and shouted after her.
“You will do this, Tavaar! I know you will. Wheylin will not be the only one you ever lay with. That I know for certain.”
Tavaar stopped and turned around. “You are a fool, Gwihnna, and you talk like a fool. I have no intention of ever kissing Kelenbah, much less lay with him.”
“A year ago, did you intend to marry Wheylin? No answer? It will happen, Tavaar. I know it. I do not get them often, but when I do they are never wrong. And right now I have one about you.”
“What?”
“A premonition. You are going to bear a child, Tavaar, and it will not be Wheylin’s. I can almost see the baby in your arms. Wheylin is not there. It is someone else.”
Tavaar felt sick. Several family members were known to ‘see’ the future. Some saw with greater frequency than others, but all had one thing in common: what they saw always came to pass. She couldn’t help it. She had to ask.
“Who is it?”
“I cannot tell. He is a smoky shadow. It is your fate, Tavaar.”9
Formatting: Text notes; Text narrative; Blog notes.
Gwihnna was not only true to her word, but she was also fast. The very next day she and Tavaar were assigned a short scouting mission. The pretense was Gwihnna was going to teach Tavaar some common scouting skills, but that was ridiculous. Tavaar was already a superior woodsman to Gwihnna.
They separated from the company just a couple of turns past breakfast. The two women kissed their husbands and headed west. The company veered east, toward the lake. Gwihnna did not speak as she led Tavaar further and further away, and Tavaar asked no questions. Although she wasn’t completely sure what Gwihnna planned to tell her, Tavaar was not fooled by the scouting mission. Finally, after about a turn, Gwihnna stopped.
They were in a small clearing on a rise. The forest was thick around them, hemming them in like spectators at a tournament. Above them, the sun burned hot. The air was quiet, as though listening. A fallen tree lay prominently across the rise. It had once stood tall and proud. Now it lay dead, its wood rotting away to replenish the soil which had once fed it. Gwihnna walked to it and found a place where she could sit in the shade. She motioned for Tavaar to come near. Tavaar did, but she remained in the sun, standing.
“I expect you are already aware that Kelenbah’s order was merely a ruse to get us alone where we could talk without fear of interruption. This seems like a good place.”
“I expect so. After all, why return if it is not? You have been here before.”
Gwihnna seemed surprised. “Why do you say that?”
“You led the way, and you led with purpose. There was never any hesitation about direction. You knew where you were going.”
Gwihnna smiled. “Very good, Tavaar. I am impressed. Not all new soldiers are so attentive. Your hunting skills are well honed. Yes, you are correct: I have brought others here to talk. Hopefully, you are wiser than the wisest. I mean that sincerely.”
“Thank you. I also thank you for last night. You spared me an unpleasant challenge.”
“Put off. The ‘challenge’, as you put it, has only been delayed. And you may be less included to thank me after we have talked. Why not sit? We could be here a while.”
Tavaar was tempted to show her pride and remain standing, but she suspected that would merely lengthen the duration of their say as Gwihnna sought to break her. There was little to be accomplished standing proudly in the sun. She was no tree. Yet even the oak had failed to endure. Choosing a place that looked comfortable, but still allowed a good view of Gwihnna, she went and sat down. Gwihnna seemed impressed.
“Well, this may not take so long as I thought. You are already showing more wisdom than the others. They allowed their natural mistrust and suspicion to fuel their pride. One stood two full turns in the hot sun before relenting. And one fainted. But that was an especially hot day.”
“How long did Ahzbah and Sashwa last?”
“They have not been here. Not everyone has to. All told, I believe there have been less than a dozen. To be honest, I am surprised you are one of them. Your reputation led me to believe something else. However, thus far you are showing very good sense. Perhaps I was right about you after all, and this meeting is unnecessary. So tell me, Tavaar, why did you resist Kelenbah’s order last night?”
“You do not know?”
“I thought I did. Now I am not so sure. Tell me.”
Tavaar hesitated before replying. That she could have been wrong in her suspicions was possible, but not likely. That Gwihnna should be unaware of Kelenbah was even less likely. However, blurting out all of her suspicions seemed unwise. Wisdom suggested caution. Let your opponent reveal their intent. Give them no out.
“I had my doubts about his motives.”
Gwihnna nodded her head, as though pleased with Tavaar’s tact.
“Understandable. I expect you have heard stories. You have friends in this company. Sashwa. Ahzbah. Wheylin has been with us a year. Perhaps you fear their stories are just tales to trick you into a foolish act? I know Sashwa and Ahzbah like to have fun. Is that it, Tavaar? Having not seen for yourself, you are hesitant? I understand. It makes perfect sense. Perhaps it is best if both you and Wheylin are taken from cooking duty. That way you can observe for yourself. I will speak to Kelenbah. You will soon see that you have nothing to fear. Then you can have your turns apart from Wheylin.”
“What is it you think I fear, if not the behavior itself?”
“Why, being caught, of course. Making an advance only to be called wanton. But do not worry: no one is going to tell on themselves. We all have too much to lose.”
“What of the singles?”
Gwihnna waved her hand dismissively.
“It is no less wanton for a single person to be in the arms of someone else’s spouse than it is for a married person.”
“Then why do it, if the price of being caught is so high?”
“That is a question I hardly expected from you, Tavaar. That is hardly your reputation. You enjoy the boys as much as anyone. More so, from what I hear.”
Tavaar bit her lip. Who would have been Gwihnna’s source for information? Sashwa? No. Ahzbah? Maybe. “I did enjoy them.”
“Did? Oh, do not try to convince me you are through playing. Why? Certainly not because of Wheylin. His reputation is quite different from yours. There is no way that boy satisfies you.”
“You are certain of that? Sometimes the quiet ones can be most satisfying.”
“Humph. Sometimes, yes. But not this time. Tavaar, you have not lay with him since joining us. Have you ever? Do not pretend fulfillment to me. I am not easily fooled.”
“The issue is not about fulfillment. It is about faithfulness,” said Tavaar, unwilling to discuss Wheylin. “I have pledged myself to Wheylin. I will not lay with another.”
“Now you have me questioning your wisdom again, girl. But no one is asking you to lay with anyone – not even Wheylin. Think of it as you do a bonfire. People are just having fun.”
“Even at a bonfire wives do not share their husbands. Nor do they take other males in their arms.”
“Do not play the righteous woman, Tavaar. It does not fit you. You have taken more than one courted male in your arms – and not just at bonfires. The difference between that and this is not that great. And what is the harm, I ask you? You are still new, and you do not truly know the life of a soldier. We have eight regions we patrol in sequence. Certain companies get lucky and are sent on longer patrols. But to get those assignments requires influence with the Head-of-Family. The rest of us circle family lands in a never ending bracelet of protection. Two areas are very active, and one can actually be dangerous: that area we left just before you joined us. This region, and the one opposite in the east, may have an occasional incursion, but they are rare – especially here in the west. From here we move to the first of four very safe regions, where we will spend half the year. Think of that, Tavaar. Half a year spent wandering around in the forest looking for enemies that just are not there. It is quite dull, I assure you. One can only relate so many tales before they become wearisome. Notepacks can get tiresome, too. Is it any wonder people seek other entertainment?”
“At the cost of honor and dignity?”
“Stay your indignation. Why should singles have all the fun? Besides, many actually prefer the arms of a wife. She often adds spices a single girl does not.”
“Providing she is someone else’s wife.”
“Oh, Tavaar, stop. Do not pretend to me that you would not love to take some of our males aside for some private fun? Many you already have, I believe. I know they would love to be with you.”
“That was before I married Wheylin.”
“Yes, yes, Wheylin. Why did you marry him anyway? You know we were all looking forward to your joining us. The males’ anticipation carried over and made for some excellent play. I confess that I was eager for your arrival. Then you show up and are – this. How disappointing.”
“Why? Were you hoping for a turn? Well, you are not my type.”
Gwihnna frowned. “I see you will insist on being foolish. You are not so wise as I had hoped. In fact, you are the biggest fool yet, which is sad, because you are so young, and pretty, and this could really be a good time for you. But I fear you are in for the biggest fall of all. For that reason, I will give you this one last warning. I did not warn the others. Their smugness and self-righteous attitude earned them what they got. You are different than them. Oh, you are making the same stand as they, but I suspect your reasons are different somehow. At the least, you are not accusatory and threatening. I believe you really do understand. That is why I would spare you their fate.”
“And what fate is that?”
“Tavaar, all I said about military life being dull is true. I did not exaggerate. If anything, I understated it. For a young girl who is used to having fun, that can be especially hard. That is why we have our evening social time.”
“To satisfy the singles?”
“It was begun for the singles, yes. But then someone realized that the company’s couples were not completely married. Not really.”
“How so? They lay together.”
“True. True. Well, most do. But then, singles have been known to do that, too. Do you not agree, Tavaar.”
Tavaar’s eyes flashed. “I have never lay with any – anyone.”
She caught herself too late. Gwihnna’s sly smile showed she had picked up on the not so hidden meaning of Tavaar’s words.
“I will accept your word on that, of course, dear. But there were no children. Once a couple begins to have children they are removed from military service. So why not let them join in the fun?”
“I find your argument weak. And you have yet to tell me what happened to the others.”
“Of course you are not the first to resist all of this,” said Gwihnna. “But few resisted long. The allure was too great.”
Tavaar’s expression changed to disbelief. “So no one has remained pure? Everyone has joined in?”
“I did not say that. You are not using your brains. No, not everyone participates. Some are not asked.”
“Like Wheylin?”
“Yes. Is that what this is about? I am sure something can be arranged.”
“Get on with your tale.”
“Another reason not all join in is that it is easy to resist for a year, maybe even two. And as few stay longer than a year, it is no problem for them to ‘hold to their ideals’. But none of those who stayed longer did. It seems the better the warrior, the more likely she is to enjoy her fun. And for those who fought against their natural desires, submitting at last always led to truly shameful situations. Oh, they did not actually ‘lay’ with another male, but they may just as well have done, considering what they did and what they allowed. I guess the sudden release of built up desire was more than they could handle. It is not like in the village. These males are much more aggressive and are quite willing to test your limits. That is why I am concerned for you, and why my intervening last night was no favor to you. You do nothing with your husband and you refuse to take another. For a girl like you, Tavaar, that is too much. You will never last the time you will be kept here. You are too good a warrior to simply let go. You know what will happen when you finally break? It is not a question of what you will do. The question is, who will be the first? I very much doubt it will be Wheylin, Tavaar. Why not just give in now while you still have control of yourself? That way, it will be Wheylin. Because I promise you, the pressure to submit will only get worse. These males have been waiting for you, and do not think they do not understand the prize which awaits should you continue to resist.”
“You have such low regard of me?”
“Girl, it is not a matter of regard. I have seen too many fall to believe you can resist for nine or ten years.”
“Great warriors have been let out early before.”
Gwihnna chuckled. “Even you acknowledge your greatness. That is as it should be, I guess. Great warriors are only released early when their company captain agrees. That will not happen for you, Tavaar. I can assure you of that. Not if you continue down this path. Spare yourself the shame, Tavaar. These others, who allowed hands and kisses to go places they should not, they live with their shame every day now. Your shame will be greater. You know it will. You may even produce a child to remind you. Maybe others will accept Wheylin as the father – providing the child does not too closely resemble someone else – but you will know. And you will have to live with that forever. Why fight when you know you are destined to lose, Tavaar? You can have fun now, and no one will be hurt. Later, all you will have is a moment of passion. Your guilt will overwhelm any fun you might have. Give in now, Tavaar. It is your only choice.”
Tavaar sat silent. Gwihnna was full of troubling ideas. Were they true, though? Her history was one of fun. She loved to play. But marrying Wheylin had put all of that to an end. Was that the real reason she had refused to lay with him? Was she punishing him for taking that away from her? Was she hoping he would finally give up and bring her before the Council? She would be humiliated and shamed beyond measure, but she would be free! The marriage would be annulled. Who would want her after that? She could never remarry. Wheylin could. As the victim he might find his station improved. She would become an Explorer. She would still have her fun, too. There were plenty of males who would love her attentions. Did not Gwihnna just tell her so?
Thinking of Gwihnna brought Tavaar back to reality. No. She would not dwell on those thoughts. A look at Gwihnna showed the older woman5 looked like she guessed most of Tavaar’s thought.
“You see? It is already begun, and there is no one here but you and me. Here is another thought for you: you do not need to be guilty to gain a reputation. Neither must you be innocent to be known as such. The others I spoke of. You do not know who they are, do you? Only a few do. I am not even sure the husbands know. But I know.”
“How, if the husbands do not?”
Gwihnna smiled. “I spied,” she confessed. “For some, anyway. The one which went the furthest I learned from Kelenbah. He is fun, and he can be - most persuasive.”
“And this does not bother you?”
“That time did, I confess. But I had my revenge. I made him sit and watch the following evening while I had fun with someone else. Do not be disgusted, Tavaar. This is our fun, but there are rules. There are things which should not be done. I know how far to take things with other males. With Kelenbah I do everything. Your friends, Sashwa and Ahzbah, they also know. I have no concerns about them. But from now on you will be under constant pressure. I hope for your sake you do not last long.”
“What do you get out of this?”
There was a slight flicker in Gwihnna’s eyes, as though the question caught her by surprise.
“I like to see my husband happy. He enjoys play as much as I. When the time is right, we shall leave the military and begin our own house. He will be the father of my children. Will you be able to say the same of your husband?”6
Tavaar didn’t answer. She was thinking of Gwihnna’s words. A thought came to her like a ray of sunlight breaking from behind a cloud.
“This all began with Kelenbah, didn’t it?”
“What?”
“You say once Kelenbah confessed to you what he had done, and others you spied upon. All of this began with Kelenbah and some other warrior, didn’t it? You thought to shame and dismay him by repeating his act with another before him, but it didn’t work. All you did was make it more acceptable for others to repeat the behavior – which they did – with Kelenbah. That is why you spied. You feared what would happen and intervened before they actually lay together. That is how you came to wed Kelenbah, isn’t it? You lay with him. He married you, but he was not ready. Being beautiful, he was tempted by another, and not ready for marriage, he submitted. The problem, of course, is that when something is completely wrong, once you cross the line, you have no boundary to stop you. That was your problem with Kelenbah. Once he was in the arms of another he was wrong, so what matter that he couldn’t, or wouldn’t, stop? He was at the mercy of the woman who’s arms held him. It was only a matter of time before he lay with someone – if he has not already. So you did what you thought you must: you changed family law. Now, in this company, only laying with someone is wrong – unless they are your spouse. Otherwise, all is acceptable. This provides Kelenbah with a boundary he cannot cross while still allowing him his ‘fun’. You make a big show of controlling him, but the truth is he really does control you. Bringing me here is not for your or my benefit: it is for him. You do fear I will lay with someone other than Wheylin. You fear I will lay with Kelenbah. Once in my arms, he would do all I asked and allowed. It is not me with any male that concerns you. It is me with your husband. Your purpose in enticing me to join in your new world of right and wrong is twofold: you wish to ensure I will not let him lay with me; you resent those who do not join in. The others, no doubt, looked down upon you and your new rules. They saw themselves as superior. So those who you could, you got rid of. The others you watched fall. It must have given you great joy to see it.”
“Sometimes. When it was with someone other than Kelenbah. I spared them the ultimate shame, though. I would wait. Eventually, their britches would come down. Then I would ‘discover’ them.”
“You have never revealed who they are?”
Gwihnna made a face. “There is no need. The looks on their faces were my reward. I made sure to look them in the eyes. Never again will they feel superior in my presence. My britches have never come down for anyone other than my husband.”
“But you spared them the ultimate act? Why?”
“I am not completely disgusting and cruel, Tavaar. I know pity. They must live with what they know they were about to do, as well as what they did. However, to lay with someone is to risk creating a child. They would hate such children. I would not see a child hated because of the mother’s actions.”
“Yet you would mine? You said you would not stop me.”
Gwihnna gave her a keen look, as if sizing her up. “I told you right off I recognize you as different than the others. You are wiser. You are more thoughtful and accepting of the truth, I believe. You are the only one to have guessed this. I do not believe you would hate such a child, Tavaar. I believe you would see the sin as your own and the child as someone separate from that sin. You might not love the father, but you would love the child.”
Tavaar looked at Gwihnna, wide-eyed. “You are expecting me to lay with Kelenbah? And you will not prevent it, even if you can?”
Gwihnna was no longer able to return Tavaar’s look. “It is what he wants.”
“Why is that so important?”7
“Tavaar, I am not beautiful. I know that. I have known it all my life. Finding males to play with was going to be harder for me than for girls like you. But I like them, and I enjoy playing with them. Before Kelenbah, I played with many males. It was not easy at first, but word got around that I was fun. But none wanted to court. None wanted anything more than play. I guess the idea of having a plain, overweight, low-talent woman for a wife was more than they could bear.”
“So you gave Kelenbah everything?”
“Yes. He was frightened afterward. He was afraid we would be found out. I had not taken the marriage potion, so we both assumed there would be a child. He agreed to marry me. We joined the military right off. We figured once it became clear I was with child we could use the excuse we didn’t like the military and saw this as our way out.”
“But there was no child?”
“No. We were both surprised and relieved, but we were also married. He belonged to me now. He had given up a courtship with the girl he loved for me. I had done that to him.”
“He was a willing player. Let him bear his guilt.”
“But I worked him up! You know how easy it is to do that. Once he was excited, he couldn’t say no to me. He was helpless. It was my fault.” 8
Tavaar remembered her encounter with Shello, when she had tried exactly what Gwihnna did. Kelenbah had given in. Shello had not. She had tried with Shello because she had not tried with Khaiu. Now she knew it didn’t matter. Khaiu wouldn’t have submitted either. As much as she ached for them both, she was glad they had not. She looked again at Gwihnna.
“He could have resisted. Your intent does not absolve him. It certainly does not earn him this.”
“I think it does. He loves me, and he enjoys how I please him. But he feels cheated – and he has been. That is why I allow this. He needs to get it out of his system. I know if he could – lay with you – that would be the end of it. He’s so looked forward to your joining us. Some of the males have talked a lot about you.”
“He promises to stop if I let him lay with me?”
“No. No, he has not said anything. But I know he would. Then we would leave the military and raise our own children.”
“And me behind as some significant milestone in his life? Gwihnna, you make me out to be the most wanton of creatures.”
“I do not mean to! All the same, I do not care. I have decided. You will be the one. I cannot wait much longer.”
“You will wait longer than you think. I have decided. I will not lay with him.”
“But at least take him in your arms. He knows how to please.”
“No doubt. He’s had plenty of practice. This talk is finished. I am leaving for the rendezvous place. You may come or stay.”
Tavaar got up and started to leave. Gwihnna jumped up and shouted after her.
“You will do this, Tavaar! I know you will. Wheylin will not be the only one you ever lay with. That I know for certain.”
Tavaar stopped and turned around. “You are a fool, Gwihnna, and you talk like a fool. I have no intention of ever kissing Kelenbah, much less lay with him.”
“A year ago, did you intend to marry Wheylin? No answer? It will happen, Tavaar. I know it. I do not get them often, but when I do they are never wrong. And right now I have one about you.”
“What?”
“A premonition. You are going to bear a child, Tavaar, and it will not be Wheylin’s. I can almost see the baby in your arms. Wheylin is not there. It is someone else.”
Tavaar felt sick. Several family members were known to ‘see’ the future. Some saw with greater frequency than others, but all had one thing in common: what they saw always came to pass. She couldn’t help it. She had to ask.
“Who is it?”
“I cannot tell. He is a smoky shadow. It is your fate, Tavaar.”9
Saturday, January 24, 2009
Tavaar - 24th Edition
We now leave Tavaar's home village of Gahrem. Time has passed and Tavaar has been forced to marry Wheylin. Still angry, Tavaar only takes the shortest time to celebrate. As soon as she dares, she joins Sashwa's military company. Almost from the beginning she has a new problem.
Formatting: Text notes; Text narrative; Blog notes.
They had been with the company five days now and Tavaar was settling into the routine. It was very much the same from day to day. The company rose with the dawn and ate a hearty breakfast. After eating they marched through the morning, alert for any sign of enemy intrusion. Enemies were defined as Barbarians, roving companies of bandits or certain wild beasts (such as the giant cats) which posed a threat to family livestock. Thus far there had been no indications of enemy activity. At mid-day they would halt for a light lunch. Then the rest of the day was spent marching. Around dusk the company would make camp for the night, posting guards.
Tavaar’s role in all of this was still quite basic. Although she had attained the rank of sub-commander in the village defenses, here she was just another soldier.1 She marched and she did guard duty. She wasn’t even used for hunting or scouting, despite being known as an excellent hunter. She was one of the few who carried bows. Her bow was a magnificent war bow she had purchased just over a year ago. Coming from a wealthy line had its advantages. As she was new to the company, she did not get first watch when they stopped for the evening. Being the junior soldier, she was obliged to help cook for the entire company; something she was not particularly good at.2 This was a disadvantage of wealth. Certain skills tended to be ignored. No one complained, though, and no one took ill. Also, the cooks were allowed to eat first. After eating they would stand guard, getting their relief around midnight. They also had to rise before the dawn in order to prepare breakfast. Tavaar didn’t really mind the routine. It meant she was spared having to deal with things she wanted to avoid. Chief among these was Wheylin.
They had been married fourteen days now, and she had still refused to allow the marriage to be consummated. Even those first days, when she and Wheylin were sent to the Couples House, a small cabin just outside the village reserved for newlyweds, she had denied Wheylin her body. She was wrong in this, far exceeding her authority as wife, and she knew it. She just didn’t care. She couldn’t bring herself to go through with it. Not with Wheylin.3
Of course, Wheylin had complained. He gently, but firmly, pointed out his rights as husband. With regard to intimacy, they were nearly equal to her own. Refusal by either partner – without good cause – was a serious family offense. Tavaar knew that Wheylin would be well within his rights to bring her before her parents and charge her. Should they be unable to convince her to act within family law, the matter would continue to escalate, ultimately ending before the Head-of-Family. This had never happened. Often, just the threat of such humiliation was enough to bring compliance.
But Wheylin never spoke of the options at his disposal. He persisted, but quietly. He would take what she gave him and nothing more. Tavaar wondered at this. Was it because he felt shamed? Or was it just not that important to him? Or was he simply protecting her? That he was in love with her was evident. He always helped her with the cooking, even when it wasn’t his turn. At the cabin he had doted upon her, and his pleas for a husband’s due were never done with anger.
How much anyone suspected, she didn’t know. There were no comments. Even Sashwa seemed to regard all as well. But then, the routine helped. From breakfast to the evening meal there was no opportunity for anyone. Tavaar was currently on permanent cooking duty, so there was no opportunity at camp. After the meal, she and Wheylin shared guard duty. Perhaps the chance arose at mid-night, when their guard shift ended, but even Wheylin was too sleepy then. At least, he pretended to be. Tavaar suspected he would be awake enough were she to make an overture, but she didn’t.
It was Tavaar’s fifth day with the company when Captain Kelenbah decided to change the routine. They were just settling down to make camp. Tavaar and Wheylin began unpacking the cooking gear. As junior member, Tavaar carried most of it in her pack. She cooked all the time anyway. The others rotated. They had only begun when Kelenbah walked over to them.
“Wheylin, you join the cooks tonight,” he said.
“Very good, Sir.”
“Tavaar. I think I’ll give you a break. You take first guard.”
Tavaar froze. This was unexpected. She glanced at Wheylin and saw anguish. He might not be a great warrior, but he was no fool. He knew the company’s complete routine. Up to now, he and Tavaar had both been excluded from it. By being assigned to second guard – the long watch, which lasted four turns – they were never around for the evening’s more social interaction. By taking Tavaar off cooking duty, Kelenbah was freeing her to be in camp when the ‘fun’ began. Placing Wheylin on cooking duty meant he would not be there with her. Although not having actually seen anything herself, Tavaar remembered Sashwa’s confession. Her instincts were warning her. She chose to listen to them. She got to her feet and called after Kelenbah.
“If it is all the same, I will cook,” she said.
The camp went silent. Kelenbah stopped and slowly turned around. From the corner of her eye, Tavaar saw Sashwa rise from her place and exit the campsite.
“It is not all the same,” said Kelenbah. “I am giving you a break from a tedious task. Allow me to be generous.”
“The task is less odious to me than the thought of other things,” said Tavaar. “Since generosity is your concern, would you not do better to keep me where I have been? Or do you have another intent?”
Kelenbah’s eyes went dark. “Be careful, little soldier. You are not the high and mighty here. Here, I am in command. And whatever my intentions, I am not obliged to reveal them to a green recruit without understanding.”
“I understand more than you give me credit for.”
“Is that so?” said Kelenbah, trying to draw himself up. Tavaar felt no intimidation. She was as tall as he. “Then maybe I should ‘test’ you, to see if you are up to my standards.”
“I am beyond your standards, Kelenbah. I have no need to be tested by you.”
“It is not a question of what you need. I decide.”
“Well, your needs do not concern me. I will not satisfy them.”
Kelenbah's mood became threatening. "You are walking on dangerous ground, soldier.”
Tavaar remained unmoved. “Less dangerous than you, Kelenbah.”
“Captain! You will not address me by name without permission.”
“Easy enough. I have no desire to speak your name – captain.”
“This is not the village, Tavaar. There are no wooden swords. To fail here is to die. You would do well to heed me. I am the best here. That is why I am captain.”
“Soldier.”
“What?”
“Soldier. You will not use my name again without permission. Is that clear? As to your being the best warrior, don’t make me laugh. I am already better than you will ever be.”
“You do not think too highly of yourself, do you?”
“No. I do not.”
“No matter. I am still in command, and I will call you whatever – and whenever – I want.”
Tavaar now drew herself up. “You will not!” Unable to help himself, Kelenbah fell back before her authority. “I am a Lady of the Family. That gives me authority with overrides military rank. I decide which males may address me and with what degree of familiarity. You will not take that from me. Not if you were High Marshall or the Presider himself. Now. You will address me by my military title: soldier. If you just cannot avoid using my name, you will precede it with my family title: Lady. If you fail to head this, I will surely bring you before the Council and insist you be delivered for punishment. Is – that – clear?”
Kelenbah took a moment to collect himself. Her anger and her exercise of personal right had clearly caught him by surprise. Apparently, none of the other women had ever done so, though they could have Tavaar did not repeat her question. She was not given to that. Instead, she held her energy, and through force of will forced Kelenbah to submit.
“Very good – ‘Lady’ Tavaar. I concede your authority – in this matter. Forgive my presumption. However – soldier – I am still in command of this company. And I decide who will stand guard when, and who will cook. So, if I say you will not cook, and that you will stand first guard, then you will not cook, and you will stand first guard. Is – that – clear?”
Now it was Tavaar’s turn to pause. Kelenbah had regained the advantage by making this a military, and not a social, matter. Although she knew his ultimate intention, thus far he had not actually stated it. Her knowledge was based on tales from Sashwa and Wheylin, and her own instincts regarding males. But this would not be acceptable evidence before the Council, which was where she would find herself should she not comply.
“It is clear,” she said.
Kelenbah smiled over his victory. His manner became less serious. “You are a proud warrior, Lady Tavaar. That is good. It is also quite understandable. Did you not make sub-commander in the village defenses? That is a rare achievement. However, this is not the village. Things are different out here. And while your skills will undoubtedly serve you well, there is still much for you to learn. Go to your watch. When you return, eat. Afterward, you and I can take a short walk. We will discuss your role in this company.”
Tavaar made no reply. She was in a difficult place and she wasn’t clear about the line of Kelenbah’s authority. Exactly how hemmed in was she? The look in Kelenbah’s eyes was one of victory, but if he believed she would behave as others were purported to have done, he was much mistaken. As she returned Kelenbah’s look, she saw Sashwa return with Gwihnna, Kelenbah’s wife.
“Kelenbah, what are you doing?” Gwihnna asked.
Kelenbah turned to his wife. Tavaar made a mental note of his look of shame. “I thought I put you on first watch.”
“You did. I came back to leave my pack. What are you doing? Is there a problem?”
“No. No problem now. This soldier is just a little confused about authority, and how things work in this company. Nothing to worry about. A little later, she and I will discuss things privately.”
Gwihnna’s look was a knowing one, but there was no anger. Tavaar noted that, too. She looked at Tavaar as though sizing her up. Then she turned back to her husband.
“I am not sure anything needs discussing, Kelenbah. I doubt Tavaar has any real problem with your authority. But you appear to have forgotten she is a new bride. New brides like to be close to their male. You know that. But I see you have Wheylin on cooking duty. I take it you were planning on giving Tavaar first guard?”
“I thought to give her a break.”
“A nice and thoughtful gesture – but not when it means splitting up a new couple. Perhaps it will be best if you kept them together for a time longer. Either put them both on first guard, or have them both cook. At least for now.”
Kelenbah looked disappointed. “I am in charge of the company, Gwihnna.”
“Of course you are. And like all good captains you listen to council before making decisions. You have heard my council. What do you decide?”
Tavaar could tell Kelenbah did not wish to alter his orders, but the look Gwihnna was giving him was commanding. He might be in charge of the company, but it was clear Gwihnna was in charge of him.
“Very well,” he said, turning to face Tavaar. “I do not wish to separate you from your husband so soon. You may cook. Ahzbah, you take first guard.”4
“Yes, Sir.”
Kelenbah started to turn away, but first he paused. “You do understand that this accommodation shall be short-lived? After all, the company’s needs must eventually take precedence.”
“The company’s needs, or your needs?” Tavaar asked.
Kelenbah frowned. “They are the same.”
“Maybe. If so, there will be no problem. However, should they diverge, know this: I serve the company. Not you.”
He looked angry enough to strike her. She wasn’t worried. He would be down before he knew it. He was no match for her. As if sensing this, he skulked away. Before Tavaar could return to Wheylin, Gwihnna walked up to her and spoke in low tones.
“Impressive display. But a foolish one. I believe you and I should meet in private. I will arrange it.”
Gwihnna left and Tavaar knelt beside Wheylin to help unpack the cooking gear. His expression was thankful, but his tone was concerned.
“It isn’t over,” he said.
“I know,” she said, gently. “Gwihnna is going to talk with me. I expect she will explain ‘how things are’.”
“You know what they want of you, don’t you?”
She looked him in the face. “I do. But you have my word; I shall never submit.”
Formatting: Text notes; Text narrative; Blog notes.
They had been with the company five days now and Tavaar was settling into the routine. It was very much the same from day to day. The company rose with the dawn and ate a hearty breakfast. After eating they marched through the morning, alert for any sign of enemy intrusion. Enemies were defined as Barbarians, roving companies of bandits or certain wild beasts (such as the giant cats) which posed a threat to family livestock. Thus far there had been no indications of enemy activity. At mid-day they would halt for a light lunch. Then the rest of the day was spent marching. Around dusk the company would make camp for the night, posting guards.
Tavaar’s role in all of this was still quite basic. Although she had attained the rank of sub-commander in the village defenses, here she was just another soldier.1 She marched and she did guard duty. She wasn’t even used for hunting or scouting, despite being known as an excellent hunter. She was one of the few who carried bows. Her bow was a magnificent war bow she had purchased just over a year ago. Coming from a wealthy line had its advantages. As she was new to the company, she did not get first watch when they stopped for the evening. Being the junior soldier, she was obliged to help cook for the entire company; something she was not particularly good at.2 This was a disadvantage of wealth. Certain skills tended to be ignored. No one complained, though, and no one took ill. Also, the cooks were allowed to eat first. After eating they would stand guard, getting their relief around midnight. They also had to rise before the dawn in order to prepare breakfast. Tavaar didn’t really mind the routine. It meant she was spared having to deal with things she wanted to avoid. Chief among these was Wheylin.
They had been married fourteen days now, and she had still refused to allow the marriage to be consummated. Even those first days, when she and Wheylin were sent to the Couples House, a small cabin just outside the village reserved for newlyweds, she had denied Wheylin her body. She was wrong in this, far exceeding her authority as wife, and she knew it. She just didn’t care. She couldn’t bring herself to go through with it. Not with Wheylin.3
Of course, Wheylin had complained. He gently, but firmly, pointed out his rights as husband. With regard to intimacy, they were nearly equal to her own. Refusal by either partner – without good cause – was a serious family offense. Tavaar knew that Wheylin would be well within his rights to bring her before her parents and charge her. Should they be unable to convince her to act within family law, the matter would continue to escalate, ultimately ending before the Head-of-Family. This had never happened. Often, just the threat of such humiliation was enough to bring compliance.
But Wheylin never spoke of the options at his disposal. He persisted, but quietly. He would take what she gave him and nothing more. Tavaar wondered at this. Was it because he felt shamed? Or was it just not that important to him? Or was he simply protecting her? That he was in love with her was evident. He always helped her with the cooking, even when it wasn’t his turn. At the cabin he had doted upon her, and his pleas for a husband’s due were never done with anger.
How much anyone suspected, she didn’t know. There were no comments. Even Sashwa seemed to regard all as well. But then, the routine helped. From breakfast to the evening meal there was no opportunity for anyone. Tavaar was currently on permanent cooking duty, so there was no opportunity at camp. After the meal, she and Wheylin shared guard duty. Perhaps the chance arose at mid-night, when their guard shift ended, but even Wheylin was too sleepy then. At least, he pretended to be. Tavaar suspected he would be awake enough were she to make an overture, but she didn’t.
It was Tavaar’s fifth day with the company when Captain Kelenbah decided to change the routine. They were just settling down to make camp. Tavaar and Wheylin began unpacking the cooking gear. As junior member, Tavaar carried most of it in her pack. She cooked all the time anyway. The others rotated. They had only begun when Kelenbah walked over to them.
“Wheylin, you join the cooks tonight,” he said.
“Very good, Sir.”
“Tavaar. I think I’ll give you a break. You take first guard.”
Tavaar froze. This was unexpected. She glanced at Wheylin and saw anguish. He might not be a great warrior, but he was no fool. He knew the company’s complete routine. Up to now, he and Tavaar had both been excluded from it. By being assigned to second guard – the long watch, which lasted four turns – they were never around for the evening’s more social interaction. By taking Tavaar off cooking duty, Kelenbah was freeing her to be in camp when the ‘fun’ began. Placing Wheylin on cooking duty meant he would not be there with her. Although not having actually seen anything herself, Tavaar remembered Sashwa’s confession. Her instincts were warning her. She chose to listen to them. She got to her feet and called after Kelenbah.
“If it is all the same, I will cook,” she said.
The camp went silent. Kelenbah stopped and slowly turned around. From the corner of her eye, Tavaar saw Sashwa rise from her place and exit the campsite.
“It is not all the same,” said Kelenbah. “I am giving you a break from a tedious task. Allow me to be generous.”
“The task is less odious to me than the thought of other things,” said Tavaar. “Since generosity is your concern, would you not do better to keep me where I have been? Or do you have another intent?”
Kelenbah’s eyes went dark. “Be careful, little soldier. You are not the high and mighty here. Here, I am in command. And whatever my intentions, I am not obliged to reveal them to a green recruit without understanding.”
“I understand more than you give me credit for.”
“Is that so?” said Kelenbah, trying to draw himself up. Tavaar felt no intimidation. She was as tall as he. “Then maybe I should ‘test’ you, to see if you are up to my standards.”
“I am beyond your standards, Kelenbah. I have no need to be tested by you.”
“It is not a question of what you need. I decide.”
“Well, your needs do not concern me. I will not satisfy them.”
Kelenbah's mood became threatening. "You are walking on dangerous ground, soldier.”
Tavaar remained unmoved. “Less dangerous than you, Kelenbah.”
“Captain! You will not address me by name without permission.”
“Easy enough. I have no desire to speak your name – captain.”
“This is not the village, Tavaar. There are no wooden swords. To fail here is to die. You would do well to heed me. I am the best here. That is why I am captain.”
“Soldier.”
“What?”
“Soldier. You will not use my name again without permission. Is that clear? As to your being the best warrior, don’t make me laugh. I am already better than you will ever be.”
“You do not think too highly of yourself, do you?”
“No. I do not.”
“No matter. I am still in command, and I will call you whatever – and whenever – I want.”
Tavaar now drew herself up. “You will not!” Unable to help himself, Kelenbah fell back before her authority. “I am a Lady of the Family. That gives me authority with overrides military rank. I decide which males may address me and with what degree of familiarity. You will not take that from me. Not if you were High Marshall or the Presider himself. Now. You will address me by my military title: soldier. If you just cannot avoid using my name, you will precede it with my family title: Lady. If you fail to head this, I will surely bring you before the Council and insist you be delivered for punishment. Is – that – clear?”
Kelenbah took a moment to collect himself. Her anger and her exercise of personal right had clearly caught him by surprise. Apparently, none of the other women had ever done so, though they could have Tavaar did not repeat her question. She was not given to that. Instead, she held her energy, and through force of will forced Kelenbah to submit.
“Very good – ‘Lady’ Tavaar. I concede your authority – in this matter. Forgive my presumption. However – soldier – I am still in command of this company. And I decide who will stand guard when, and who will cook. So, if I say you will not cook, and that you will stand first guard, then you will not cook, and you will stand first guard. Is – that – clear?”
Now it was Tavaar’s turn to pause. Kelenbah had regained the advantage by making this a military, and not a social, matter. Although she knew his ultimate intention, thus far he had not actually stated it. Her knowledge was based on tales from Sashwa and Wheylin, and her own instincts regarding males. But this would not be acceptable evidence before the Council, which was where she would find herself should she not comply.
“It is clear,” she said.
Kelenbah smiled over his victory. His manner became less serious. “You are a proud warrior, Lady Tavaar. That is good. It is also quite understandable. Did you not make sub-commander in the village defenses? That is a rare achievement. However, this is not the village. Things are different out here. And while your skills will undoubtedly serve you well, there is still much for you to learn. Go to your watch. When you return, eat. Afterward, you and I can take a short walk. We will discuss your role in this company.”
Tavaar made no reply. She was in a difficult place and she wasn’t clear about the line of Kelenbah’s authority. Exactly how hemmed in was she? The look in Kelenbah’s eyes was one of victory, but if he believed she would behave as others were purported to have done, he was much mistaken. As she returned Kelenbah’s look, she saw Sashwa return with Gwihnna, Kelenbah’s wife.
“Kelenbah, what are you doing?” Gwihnna asked.
Kelenbah turned to his wife. Tavaar made a mental note of his look of shame. “I thought I put you on first watch.”
“You did. I came back to leave my pack. What are you doing? Is there a problem?”
“No. No problem now. This soldier is just a little confused about authority, and how things work in this company. Nothing to worry about. A little later, she and I will discuss things privately.”
Gwihnna’s look was a knowing one, but there was no anger. Tavaar noted that, too. She looked at Tavaar as though sizing her up. Then she turned back to her husband.
“I am not sure anything needs discussing, Kelenbah. I doubt Tavaar has any real problem with your authority. But you appear to have forgotten she is a new bride. New brides like to be close to their male. You know that. But I see you have Wheylin on cooking duty. I take it you were planning on giving Tavaar first guard?”
“I thought to give her a break.”
“A nice and thoughtful gesture – but not when it means splitting up a new couple. Perhaps it will be best if you kept them together for a time longer. Either put them both on first guard, or have them both cook. At least for now.”
Kelenbah looked disappointed. “I am in charge of the company, Gwihnna.”
“Of course you are. And like all good captains you listen to council before making decisions. You have heard my council. What do you decide?”
Tavaar could tell Kelenbah did not wish to alter his orders, but the look Gwihnna was giving him was commanding. He might be in charge of the company, but it was clear Gwihnna was in charge of him.
“Very well,” he said, turning to face Tavaar. “I do not wish to separate you from your husband so soon. You may cook. Ahzbah, you take first guard.”4
“Yes, Sir.”
Kelenbah started to turn away, but first he paused. “You do understand that this accommodation shall be short-lived? After all, the company’s needs must eventually take precedence.”
“The company’s needs, or your needs?” Tavaar asked.
Kelenbah frowned. “They are the same.”
“Maybe. If so, there will be no problem. However, should they diverge, know this: I serve the company. Not you.”
He looked angry enough to strike her. She wasn’t worried. He would be down before he knew it. He was no match for her. As if sensing this, he skulked away. Before Tavaar could return to Wheylin, Gwihnna walked up to her and spoke in low tones.
“Impressive display. But a foolish one. I believe you and I should meet in private. I will arrange it.”
Gwihnna left and Tavaar knelt beside Wheylin to help unpack the cooking gear. His expression was thankful, but his tone was concerned.
“It isn’t over,” he said.
“I know,” she said, gently. “Gwihnna is going to talk with me. I expect she will explain ‘how things are’.”
“You know what they want of you, don’t you?”
She looked him in the face. “I do. But you have my word; I shall never submit.”
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)