Tavaar - 26th Edition

Life goes on for Tavaar. Several months pass and Kelenbah and Gwihnna are putting pressure on Tavaar to submit. When that fails, they decide to pressure Wheylin.

Formatting: Text notes; Text narrative; Blog notes.

It was during their stay to the far northwest that a new tact was tried. Tavaar was returned to cooking duty, but Wheylin was not. Instead, he was given first guard duty, which put him in camp while Tavaar stood second watch. Now, for the first time in his life, Wheylin found himself the object of attention. Fortunately, he was no fool and understood he was simply a tool in the hands of others to break down Tavaar’s will. Even so, Tavaar found herself worried – and angry. She made a scene, and was promptly told the only way she could remedy the situation. She was promised things would only get worse. If they could not break her, they would break Wheylin. Tavaar feared for him, but she could think of only one way to spare him. Did she dare do it? Could he wait while she prepared?

Right or wrong, she elected not to tell him her plan. She wasn’t convinced she would go through with it, and to back down would only make mattes worse if she knew. She did not even tell Sashwa, fearing to be overheard. So she encouraged Wheylin, even as he did her.

She delayed her plan, fearing to go forward without another voice she could listen to. She knew she was panicky and doubted her own wisdom. Unfortunately, this was picked up on, and the pressure on Wheylin intensified. But Wheylin held strong. For now.

When the company was granted leave at tenth moon, Tavaar literally took Wheylin in hand and hurried away. Sashwa and Ahzbah chased them down, but Tavaar would not stop. Sashwa had always been her confidant but now, with the stakes so high, Tavaar feared she would insist on her brother knowing, and Tavaar did not want that. There was only one other person she dared trust with this plan, and he was a four day walk away. Wheylin had to go with her. She could not trust him with the others.

The person who’s advice she sought was Bolar. He was wise and experienced. He kept her confidences, too.

Their arrival in Gahrem was a surprise. At best they could remain two days. But Wheylin, Sashwa and Ahzbah were happy to be home. They arrived late in the day, but by morning a bonfire had been planned for that night: the night of the tenth moon. Tavaar slipped out of the house early and went to Bolar. She knew he liked to rise early and walk in his garden. He was pleased to see her, but he sensed immediately that she was distressed. He led her out of the village where he said she could help him gather winter herbs. These grew on the mountain itself. Something about the fire ore helped these plants flourish in winter.

While they gathered, Tavaar talked. So pent up were her feelings that releasing even a few caused them all to burst from her like water through a hole in a dam. She told him everything, from Khaiu to Shello to how she had treated Wheylin at the Couple’s House and ending, at last, with her plan to get Wheylin out of the mess she had put him in.

“So, what do you think?” she asked, feeling out of breath.

Bolar saw a large stone and sat down, brushing the snow aside. He motioned for Tavaar to sit beside him. Since leaving the village the only words he had spoken had been to instruct her about the herbs. After that he had remained silent, listening intently to all she said. He had asked no questions and accepted her tale at the pace she provided, which at times was a flurry of words, and at others a muddled mess as she retraced her tale to clarify later events, or raise points she had forgotten. Now he was somber, though not judgmental. She loved that about him. When he spoke he did not accuse, or point out the obvious. Instead, he focused on her question.


“I do not like it,” he said.

It was more than she could bear. She broke down and cried. Bolar pulled her close and let her cry against his chest. After a long time she began to collect herself. But she was in despair. Was there no solution save to give in? Was this how Gwihnna’s premonition was to find fulfillment? She felt as if her life was over. Bolar, however, seemed to be feeling better. When she let him lift her chin, she saw a tender smile.

“You had me worried. Now I feel better,” he said.

“Why?”

“Your tale, Tavaar. To have said all you told me without crying? I confess I was scared for you. You have kept this inside for more than few moons. That is a long time for anyone, but you were already feeling pressure, and that pressure dates back years. I am glad you told me. I am even more glad you cried. Now I think you have the strength to go on.”

“How long did I cry?”

Bolar glanced up at the rising sun. “Maybe two turns. How are you feeling?”

She put her arms around him and snuggled close. “Tired,” she sighed.

“Understandable,” he said, removing a flask from his robes. “Here, drink some of this.”

She accepted the flask and reacted to the strong smell of alcohol. “You’re not trying to get me drunk, are you?”

Bolar laughed. “A little. It will do you good. However, do not drink much. I need your mind clear enough to talk.”

She took a good draught and nearly choked on the potency. Some spilled down her front and she giggled. Bolar also took a drink.

“There! That will keep us warm,” he said, putting the flask away.

“It sure will. What is that stuff?”

“My own secret recipe. I share it with no one. However, because I love you so much, Tavaar, I will write it down and seal it. It will be presented to you as an everlasting reminder of an old man who loves you dearly. Far more than he ought.11 Ah, me! We none of us are perfect. But do not fret, my dear. I think your wait for the magic recipe will not be long. My time grows short.”

“Don’t talk like that,” said Tavaar, snuggling close to him. “I don’t want you to die, Bolar. I love you.”

“Ah, Tavaar. You are such a sweet girl.”

“To you I am. I’ll tell you what, Bolar: Gwihnna told me she had a premonition I would have a baby with someone other than Wheylin. She thinks it’s going to be Kelenbah. How about I have your baby instead?”

He caressed her face. “Sweet girl. If I thought it would help, I would try.”

“It would work, you know. I know it would. I would love the baby, too. You know I would. So would Wheylin. I’m sure of it. It would mean part of you would stay with me, even after – after you’re gone.”

“Are you so desperate you would lay with a one hundred and thirty-year-old man to escape your circumstances, Tavaar? I think you drank too much. Even if I somehow could father a child with you, this plan is really worse than the other.”

She held him tight. “I just don’t want you to leave me. I need you. If I could have your baby, then part of you would always be there for me.”12

“Part of me will always be with you, Tavaar. You do not need a child to make that happen. Fadew has been gone these many years now, yet still her presence gives me comfort. The greater part of me went with her when she died, but part of her remains always with me. So it is with you and me. The love you give willingly I will take with me when I die to cherish and find comfort in while I await your arrive at the place beyond. I will leave to you my love. When you think of me you will draw upon that love, and even in loneliness you will find comfort knowing I wait for you. That is the way of love, Tavaar. We live in the hearts of those to whom we give it and take it into themselves. Death cannot truly separate those who truly love each other.”

“It will still be lonely at times.”

“Yes, it will. And I do not doubt that even in the place beyond I shall be lonely for you – as I shall be for the children of my loins. But the wait shall not be forever. One day, after you are old, it will be your turn to make the journey.”

“Not only the old make the journey, Bolar.”

Bolar was quiet for a moment. “That is so. But promise me, Tavaar, that you will not choose to leave early. Joyful as I will be to see you, I will only feel it the more to know you lived your life in full.”

“Okay.”

They hugged each other tightly.

“Now, let us address the immediate,” said Bolar.

“So having your baby is definitely out?”

Bolar slumped. “Tavaar, at my age I do not even know that I could.”

“You are sure?”

“It is not something I say with joy, Tavaar. Why do you insist on this?”

"Because Gwihnna’s premonition said it is going to happen, and premonitions are never wrong. Oh, Bolar! I don’t want it to be Kelenbah. I don’t want it to be anyone I hate.”

“And you hate Kelenbah?”

“He disgusts me.”

“As he should. So, you think to solve two problems with one solution? Well, since you seem more focused on the premonition than anything else, let us leave off the other concern and talk about that. You say Gwihnna told you she had received the premonition? When did she tell you?”

“That day when she took me to her meeting place.”

“Yes, but when? Is that how she began? Did it come out by accident? When did she tell you?”

“It was at the end. In fact, it was the last thing she said.”

“Ah!”

“What?”

Bolar looked at her. He took a breath. “Tavaar, you are a brilliant girl. You know I think so?”

“Yes.”

“Then please understand my asking this: Why are you thinking without using your brain?”

“What?” Tavaar was shocked. She felt like she had been slapped.

“Think, Tavaar. Think! Gwihnna takes you aside to coerce you into submitting to Kelenbah. She wants you to bear his child because, in her own crazed thinking, she’s convinced herself this will somehow solve her own problems. Not likely. But you refuse. She threatens. You still refuse. So what does she come up with? A most convenient premonition. By planting this seed into your thoughts she has made it more acceptable for you to give in. After all, it is ‘meant’ to happen. How can you possibly refuse? Now, every time you see, or even think about, Kelenbah, the idea of laying with him comes to your mind. You think you have to. But do you?”

It was as if a heavy wall suddenly fell, freeing her from a close confinement. Suddenly, she felt free.

“She made it up!”

“Of course she made it up.”

Suddenly, she felt chagrined. “Why didn’t I realize this before?”

“Because you wanted it to be true.”

Her eyes widened in horror. “But I don’t want…”

“No, no. Not Kelenbah. Someone else.”

She went quiet, but her face flushed. She knew who he meant. After all, she had confessed everything to him.

“Khaiu.”

“Or Shello. You still have them both locked in your heart. That is why you have refused to lay with Wheylin, right? You still want one of them. But, Tavaar, that will never happen. You must accept that, or you have no hope for a good life. And I so want that for you, Tavaar. Now I know you did not choose Wheylin, but he is your husband now. At some point you must purge yourself of Khaiu and Shello and start thinking of him as such. Once you do, you will begin to love.”

“So you don’t think I’ll give in? To Kelenbah, I mean?”

Bolar made a face. “If you will not lay with Wheylin, you certainly will not with Kelenbah. Your will is too strong for him, or Gwihnna, or any or all of them. You have a destiny, Tavaar. That I know.”

Tavaar sat quiet. Her mind flitted over Bolar’s words. He was right. She had to put Khaiu – and Shello – out of her heart. Could she? Then, another thought came to her.

“Bolar, do you think she also made up the tales of others, who did submit?”

Bolar looked downcast. “No. I believe that part.”

Comprehension came quickly to her. “Because they told you, didn’t they?”

“Healers often become confessors. Not only for those they love, or who love them.”

“Who were they? I mean, we kind of have something in common.”

Bolar looked at her. “You do not really expect me to tell you, do you? It is none of your business. If any of them want you to know, they will tell you.”

Tavaar nodded. “Their parents and grandparents are powerful, though, aren’t they? That is why you are not telling me to report this. You’re afraid they will cause trouble for me.”

“Not just for you, Tavaar. There is no telling what they would do, or who would be hurt. It is the correct course, but I do not have the courage to tell you to do it. You – and your parents – could wind up suffering tremendously. It may be you will ultimately have no other course, but for now I trust your strength. In three moons you will be back. We will come up with a plan today which should help. I promise.”

Tavaar shrugged. “No one would believe me anyway.”

“They would. That is the problem. Many already know, and others suspect. Parents fear to send their children to that company. But someone has to go.”

Another thought burst upon Tavaar. “That is why mother would not relent about Wheylin! When she caught us, she feared I wouldn’t be able to resist.”

“That is my belief, too.13 Unfortunately, in your case, being married has only made your dilemma worse. As a single, Gwihnna would never allow you to lay with Kelenbah. Now she believes you can hide the real father.”

“She’s – kind – of – crazy – isn’t she?”

Bolar smiled. “She is thinking desperately. That so closely resembles madness the two cannot be easily separated. Fortunately, like the plans of madness, plans of desperation are fraught with weaknesses. All you need is a plan.”

Tavaar hung her head. “Well, I’m out of ideas. I’m so desperate myself I’m thinking crazy, too.” She looked up at Bolar and smiled sheepishly. He chuckled and gave her a squeeze.

“You made an old man happy, Tavaar. No matter the idea itself was insane. I am honored you think so well of me to even consider bearing my child.”

“I love you, Bolar.”

“I know, honey. I love you, too.”

“So when do I begin to come up with a plan?”

“You start with the one you offered first.”

“But you said you didn’t like it!”

“Not as you planned it, no. It would solve one problem, but create a possibly worse one. And it would leave a problem in your wake. No, Tavaar. We need to solve this once and for all, without stirring up other trouble. It will not be easy, and I expect it will not be done quickly. It may take a few years. However, if you are willing to try, you may save several others at the same time. Are you willing to try? Wheylin will have to agree on this. Bear that in mind. If possible, try to enlist a couple of others to help.”14

“I am willing. What must I do?”

“Well, first I must make a new potion for you. How long can you stay in the village?”

“A day or two. To stay longer is to risk apprehension.”

“It will be enough. Now listen well. You were on the correct path with your plan, but in your desperate state you were not thinking clearly. You need only change a couple of things to save Wheylin. I believe it should help you, too. After that, you need to add some things. This is where you will need Wheylin’s consent. I know you are in charge and the decisions fall to you, but listen to him on this. Okay?”

“Okay.”15

They talked until the sun was high. Even after the plan had been settle upon they remained, walking, talking and gathering the winter herbs. Tavaar had not felt this happy in more than a year. Not since she had lost Sashwa to the military. Parts of the plan made her nervous, despite it having been her original idea. Feeling desperate, any act seemed easy enough. Now, with the desperation gone, she was feeling nervous. Bolar had no concerns on that part. His concerns centered on the inevitable delay to begin, and the course she would subsequently take. He calmed himself and encouraged her by reminding them both several times that this portion of the plan would only last two moons – providing Wheylin agreed. Tavaar decided not reveal the plan until the next moon. That was when the plan would really happen, providing she had the nerve.

Bolar did not make her come to the house to collect the new potion. Instead, he brought it to her. It was in a small keg of the same make carried by several women. He also brought a pair of small flasks, and upon arriving at the door insisted both Sashwa and Wheylin drink. He had already been to Ahzbah’s house and made her drink. Then he gave them all a quick examination, checking their throats and forcing them to cough up phlegm. Tavaar hid her smile. She knew Bolar was hiding the purpose of her visit by making all believe she was ill.

They could probably have left before dark and walked into the night, but Tavaar decided against that. There was snow, but it wasn’t too deep. Winter was taking its time in arriving. Tavaar walked to the servants’ house and knocked on the door. A young boy opened it from inside and she requested the presence of Jamvahn and his wife. When they came to the door she informed them she wanted Jamvahn to hitch up her carriage in the morning and drive her, Wheylin, Sashwa and Ahzbah to North Stop. They would push hard, despite the snow. Hopefully, they would arrive in two days. Jamvahn could return at his own pace. Jamvahn said the carriage would be ready. He would bring Hiljam, too, and his young son – if it were all right with Lady Tavaar. Tavaar smiled at the boy and agreed. Then she returned to the house.

In the morning, Jamvahn had the carriage waiting outside by the door. Sashwa, Wheylin and Ahzbah were already seated, but Tavaar had delayed. She was with her mother in the hall. She put her arms around Taylich’s neck and kissed her.

“What is that for?” Taylich asked.

“Because you are my mother. But mostly because you love me.”

“I have always loved you, dear. Why this sudden reward?”

Tavaar bowed her head. “I am sorry, mama. I have treated you badly this past years. Especially this year.”

Taylich reached out and touched Tavaar’s cheek.

“Mama? You have not called me that in years. Is all well, Tavaar? Are you very ill? I am sure we can arrange a longer leave.”

“No, mama. I am fine. Give my love to papa.”

Tavaar kissed her mother again and left. Taylich stood at the door and watched them leave.16