Tavaar - 25th Edition

We're right at the beginning of several passages which seem forced. The problem I was trying to solve was to provide a basis for Tavaar's sordid reputation in Book I. I wanted part of it to be valid, but the worst of it to simply be cruel rumor. But then I had to have a reason for the cruel rumors. It's just that there are so many problems associated with the route I chose. I still haven't got a clear handle on the military, which raises doubts in my own mind about the likelihood important characters would be available to interact as they do. However, under no current obligation to rewrite - my own or others - things will remain as they for the time being.

Formatting: Text notes; Text narrative; Blog notes.

Gwihnna was not only true to her word, but she was also fast. The very next day she and Tavaar were assigned a short scouting mission. The pretense was Gwihnna was going to teach Tavaar some common scouting skills, but that was ridiculous. Tavaar was already a superior woodsman to Gwihnna.

They separated from the company just a couple of turns past breakfast. The two women kissed their husbands and headed west. The company veered east, toward the lake. Gwihnna did not speak as she led Tavaar further and further away, and Tavaar asked no questions. Although she wasn’t completely sure what Gwihnna planned to tell her, Tavaar was not fooled by the scouting mission. Finally, after about a turn, Gwihnna stopped.

They were in a small clearing on a rise. The forest was thick around them, hemming them in like spectators at a tournament. Above them, the sun burned hot. The air was quiet, as though listening. A fallen tree lay prominently across the rise. It had once stood tall and proud. Now it lay dead, its wood rotting away to replenish the soil which had once fed it. Gwihnna walked to it and found a place where she could sit in the shade. She motioned for Tavaar to come near. Tavaar did, but she remained in the sun, standing.

“I expect you are already aware that Kelenbah’s order was merely a ruse to get us alone where we could talk without fear of interruption. This seems like a good place.”

“I expect so. After all, why return if it is not? You have been here before.”

Gwihnna seemed surprised. “Why do you say that?”

“You led the way, and you led with purpose. There was never any hesitation about direction. You knew where you were going.”

Gwihnna smiled. “Very good, Tavaar. I am impressed. Not all new soldiers are so attentive. Your hunting skills are well honed. Yes, you are correct: I have brought others here to talk. Hopefully, you are wiser than the wisest. I mean that sincerely.”

“Thank you. I also thank you for last night. You spared me an unpleasant challenge.”

“Put off. The ‘challenge’, as you put it, has only been delayed. And you may be less included to thank me after we have talked. Why not sit? We could be here a while.”

Tavaar was tempted to show her pride and remain standing, but she suspected that would merely lengthen the duration of their say as Gwihnna sought to break her. There was little to be accomplished standing proudly in the sun. She was no tree. Yet even the oak had failed to endure. Choosing a place that looked comfortable, but still allowed a good view of Gwihnna, she went and sat down. Gwihnna seemed impressed.

“Well, this may not take so long as I thought. You are already showing more wisdom than the others. They allowed their natural mistrust and suspicion to fuel their pride. One stood two full turns in the hot sun before relenting. And one fainted. But that was an especially hot day.”

“How long did Ahzbah and Sashwa last?”

“They have not been here. Not everyone has to. All told, I believe there have been less than a dozen. To be honest, I am surprised you are one of them. Your reputation led me to believe something else. However, thus far you are showing very good sense. Perhaps I was right about you after all, and this meeting is unnecessary. So tell me, Tavaar, why did you resist Kelenbah’s order last night?”

“You do not know?”

“I thought I did. Now I am not so sure. Tell me.”

Tavaar hesitated before replying. That she could have been wrong in her suspicions was possible, but not likely. That Gwihnna should be unaware of Kelenbah was even less likely. However, blurting out all of her suspicions seemed unwise. Wisdom suggested caution. Let your opponent reveal their intent. Give them no out.

“I had my doubts about his motives.”

Gwihnna nodded her head, as though pleased with Tavaar’s tact.

“Understandable. I expect you have heard stories. You have friends in this company. Sashwa. Ahzbah. Wheylin has been with us a year. Perhaps you fear their stories are just tales to trick you into a foolish act? I know Sashwa and Ahzbah like to have fun. Is that it, Tavaar? Having not seen for yourself, you are hesitant? I understand. It makes perfect sense. Perhaps it is best if both you and Wheylin are taken from cooking duty. That way you can observe for yourself. I will speak to Kelenbah. You will soon see that you have nothing to fear. Then you can have your turns apart from Wheylin.”

“What is it you think I fear, if not the behavior itself?”

“Why, being caught, of course. Making an advance only to be called wanton. But do not worry: no one is going to tell on themselves. We all have too much to lose.”

“What of the singles?”

Gwihnna waved her hand dismissively.

“It is no less wanton for a single person to be in the arms of someone else’s spouse than it is for a married person.”

“Then why do it, if the price of being caught is so high?”

“That is a question I hardly expected from you, Tavaar. That is hardly your reputation. You enjoy the boys as much as anyone. More so, from what I hear.”

Tavaar bit her lip. Who would have been Gwihnna’s source for information? Sashwa? No. Ahzbah? Maybe. “I did enjoy them.”

“Did? Oh, do not try to convince me you are through playing. Why? Certainly not because of Wheylin. His reputation is quite different from yours. There is no way that boy satisfies you.”

“You are certain of that? Sometimes the quiet ones can be most satisfying.”

“Humph. Sometimes, yes. But not this time. Tavaar, you have not lay with him since joining us. Have you ever? Do not pretend fulfillment to me. I am not easily fooled.”

“The issue is not about fulfillment. It is about faithfulness,” said Tavaar, unwilling to discuss Wheylin. “I have pledged myself to Wheylin. I will not lay with another.”

“Now you have me questioning your wisdom again, girl. But no one is asking you to lay with anyone – not even Wheylin. Think of it as you do a bonfire. People are just having fun.”

“Even at a bonfire wives do not share their husbands. Nor do they take other males in their arms.”

“Do not play the righteous woman, Tavaar. It does not fit you. You have taken more than one courted male in your arms – and not just at bonfires. The difference between that and this is not that great. And what is the harm, I ask you? You are still new, and you do not truly know the life of a soldier. We have eight regions we patrol in sequence. Certain companies get lucky and are sent on longer patrols. But to get those assignments requires influence with the Head-of-Family. The rest of us circle family lands in a never ending bracelet of protection. Two areas are very active, and one can actually be dangerous: that area we left just before you joined us. This region, and the one opposite in the east, may have an occasional incursion, but they are rare – especially here in the west. From here we move to the first of four very safe regions, where we will spend half the year. Think of that, Tavaar. Half a year spent wandering around in the forest looking for enemies that just are not there. It is quite dull, I assure you. One can only relate so many tales before they become wearisome. Notepacks can get tiresome, too. Is it any wonder people seek other entertainment?”

“At the cost of honor and dignity?”

“Stay your indignation. Why should singles have all the fun? Besides, many actually prefer the arms of a wife. She often adds spices a single girl does not.”

“Providing she is someone else’s wife.”

“Oh, Tavaar, stop. Do not pretend to me that you would not love to take some of our males aside for some private fun? Many you already have, I believe. I know they would love to be with you.”

“That was before I married Wheylin.”

“Yes, yes, Wheylin. Why did you marry him anyway? You know we were all looking forward to your joining us. The males’ anticipation carried over and made for some excellent play. I confess that I was eager for your arrival. Then you show up and are – this. How disappointing.”

“Why? Were you hoping for a turn? Well, you are not my type.”

Gwihnna frowned. “I see you will insist on being foolish. You are not so wise as I had hoped. In fact, you are the biggest fool yet, which is sad, because you are so young, and pretty, and this could really be a good time for you. But I fear you are in for the biggest fall of all. For that reason, I will give you this one last warning. I did not warn the others. Their smugness and self-righteous attitude earned them what they got. You are different than them. Oh, you are making the same stand as they, but I suspect your reasons are different somehow. At the least, you are not accusatory and threatening. I believe you really do understand. That is why I would spare you their fate.”

“And what fate is that?”

“Tavaar, all I said about military life being dull is true. I did not exaggerate. If anything, I understated it. For a young girl who is used to having fun, that can be especially hard. That is why we have our evening social time.”

“To satisfy the singles?”

“It was begun for the singles, yes. But then someone realized that the company’s couples were not completely married. Not really.”

“How so? They lay together.”

“True. True. Well, most do. But then, singles have been known to do that, too. Do you not agree, Tavaar.”

Tavaar’s eyes flashed. “I have never lay with any – anyone.”

She caught herself too late. Gwihnna’s sly smile showed she had picked up on the not so hidden meaning of Tavaar’s words.

“I will accept your word on that, of course, dear. But there were no children. Once a couple begins to have children they are removed from military service. So why not let them join in the fun?”

“I find your argument weak. And you have yet to tell me what happened to the others.”

“Of course you are not the first to resist all of this,” said Gwihnna. “But few resisted long. The allure was too great.”

Tavaar’s expression changed to disbelief. “So no one has remained pure? Everyone has joined in?”

“I did not say that. You are not using your brains. No, not everyone participates. Some are not asked.”

“Like Wheylin?”

“Yes. Is that what this is about? I am sure something can be arranged.”

“Get on with your tale.”

“Another reason not all join in is that it is easy to resist for a year, maybe even two. And as few stay longer than a year, it is no problem for them to ‘hold to their ideals’. But none of those who stayed longer did. It seems the better the warrior, the more likely she is to enjoy her fun. And for those who fought against their natural desires, submitting at last always led to truly shameful situations. Oh, they did not actually ‘lay’ with another male, but they may just as well have done, considering what they did and what they allowed. I guess the sudden release of built up desire was more than they could handle. It is not like in the village. These males are much more aggressive and are quite willing to test your limits. That is why I am concerned for you, and why my intervening last night was no favor to you. You do nothing with your husband and you refuse to take another. For a girl like you, Tavaar, that is too much. You will never last the time you will be kept here. You are too good a warrior to simply let go. You know what will happen when you finally break? It is not a question of what you will do. The question is, who will be the first? I very much doubt it will be Wheylin, Tavaar. Why not just give in now while you still have control of yourself? That way, it will be Wheylin. Because I promise you, the pressure to submit will only get worse. These males have been waiting for you, and do not think they do not understand the prize which awaits should you continue to resist.”

“You have such low regard of me?”

“Girl, it is not a matter of regard. I have seen too many fall to believe you can resist for nine or ten years.”

“Great warriors have been let out early before.”

Gwihnna chuckled. “Even you acknowledge your greatness. That is as it should be, I guess. Great warriors are only released early when their company captain agrees. That will not happen for you, Tavaar. I can assure you of that. Not if you continue down this path. Spare yourself the shame, Tavaar. These others, who allowed hands and kisses to go places they should not, they live with their shame every day now. Your shame will be greater. You know it will. You may even produce a child to remind you. Maybe others will accept Wheylin as the father – providing the child does not too closely resemble someone else – but you will know. And you will have to live with that forever. Why fight when you know you are destined to lose, Tavaar? You can have fun now, and no one will be hurt. Later, all you will have is a moment of passion. Your guilt will overwhelm any fun you might have. Give in now, Tavaar. It is your only choice.”

Tavaar sat silent. Gwihnna was full of troubling ideas. Were they true, though? Her history was one of fun. She loved to play. But marrying Wheylin had put all of that to an end. Was that the real reason she had refused to lay with him? Was she punishing him for taking that away from her? Was she hoping he would finally give up and bring her before the Council? She would be humiliated and shamed beyond measure, but she would be free! The marriage would be annulled. Who would want her after that? She could never remarry. Wheylin could. As the victim he might find his station improved. She would become an Explorer. She would still have her fun, too. There were plenty of males who would love her attentions. Did not Gwihnna just tell her so?

Thinking of Gwihnna brought Tavaar back to reality. No. She would not dwell on those thoughts. A look at Gwihnna showed the older woman5 looked like she guessed most of Tavaar’s thought.

“You see? It is already begun, and there is no one here but you and me. Here is another thought for you: you do not need to be guilty to gain a reputation. Neither must you be innocent to be known as such. The others I spoke of. You do not know who they are, do you? Only a few do. I am not even sure the husbands know. But I know.”

“How, if the husbands do not?”

Gwihnna smiled. “I spied,” she confessed. “For some, anyway. The one which went the furthest I learned from Kelenbah. He is fun, and he can be - most persuasive.”

“And this does not bother you?”

“That time did, I confess. But I had my revenge. I made him sit and watch the following evening while I had fun with someone else. Do not be disgusted, Tavaar. This is our fun, but there are rules. There are things which should not be done. I know how far to take things with other males. With Kelenbah I do everything. Your friends, Sashwa and Ahzbah, they also know. I have no concerns about them. But from now on you will be under constant pressure. I hope for your sake you do not last long.”

“What do you get out of this?”

There was a slight flicker in Gwihnna’s eyes, as though the question caught her by surprise.

“I like to see my husband happy. He enjoys play as much as I. When the time is right, we shall leave the military and begin our own house. He will be the father of my children. Will you be able to say the same of your husband?”6

Tavaar didn’t answer. She was thinking of Gwihnna’s words. A thought came to her like a ray of sunlight breaking from behind a cloud.

“This all began with Kelenbah, didn’t it?”

“What?”

“You say once Kelenbah confessed to you what he had done, and others you spied upon. All of this began with Kelenbah and some other warrior, didn’t it? You thought to shame and dismay him by repeating his act with another before him, but it didn’t work. All you did was make it more acceptable for others to repeat the behavior – which they did – with Kelenbah. That is why you spied. You feared what would happen and intervened before they actually lay together. That is how you came to wed Kelenbah, isn’t it? You lay with him. He married you, but he was not ready. Being beautiful, he was tempted by another, and not ready for marriage, he submitted. The problem, of course, is that when something is completely wrong, once you cross the line, you have no boundary to stop you. That was your problem with Kelenbah. Once he was in the arms of another he was wrong, so what matter that he couldn’t, or wouldn’t, stop? He was at the mercy of the woman who’s arms held him. It was only a matter of time before he lay with someone – if he has not already. So you did what you thought you must: you changed family law. Now, in this company, only laying with someone is wrong – unless they are your spouse. Otherwise, all is acceptable. This provides Kelenbah with a boundary he cannot cross while still allowing him his ‘fun’. You make a big show of controlling him, but the truth is he really does control you. Bringing me here is not for your or my benefit: it is for him. You do fear I will lay with someone other than Wheylin. You fear I will lay with Kelenbah. Once in my arms, he would do all I asked and allowed. It is not me with any male that concerns you. It is me with your husband. Your purpose in enticing me to join in your new world of right and wrong is twofold: you wish to ensure I will not let him lay with me; you resent those who do not join in. The others, no doubt, looked down upon you and your new rules. They saw themselves as superior. So those who you could, you got rid of. The others you watched fall. It must have given you great joy to see it.”

“Sometimes. When it was with someone other than Kelenbah. I spared them the ultimate shame, though. I would wait. Eventually, their britches would come down. Then I would ‘discover’ them.”

“You have never revealed who they are?”

Gwihnna made a face. “There is no need. The looks on their faces were my reward. I made sure to look them in the eyes. Never again will they feel superior in my presence. My britches have never come down for anyone other than my husband.”

“But you spared them the ultimate act? Why?”

“I am not completely disgusting and cruel, Tavaar. I know pity. They must live with what they know they were about to do, as well as what they did. However, to lay with someone is to risk creating a child. They would hate such children. I would not see a child hated because of the mother’s actions.”

“Yet you would mine? You said you would not stop me.”

Gwihnna gave her a keen look, as if sizing her up. “I told you right off I recognize you as different than the others. You are wiser. You are more thoughtful and accepting of the truth, I believe. You are the only one to have guessed this. I do not believe you would hate such a child, Tavaar. I believe you would see the sin as your own and the child as someone separate from that sin. You might not love the father, but you would love the child.”

Tavaar looked at Gwihnna, wide-eyed. “You are expecting me to lay with Kelenbah? And you will not prevent it, even if you can?”

Gwihnna was no longer able to return Tavaar’s look. “It is what he wants.”

“Why is that so important?”7

“Tavaar, I am not beautiful. I know that. I have known it all my life. Finding males to play with was going to be harder for me than for girls like you. But I like them, and I enjoy playing with them. Before Kelenbah, I played with many males. It was not easy at first, but word got around that I was fun. But none wanted to court. None wanted anything more than play. I guess the idea of having a plain, overweight, low-talent woman for a wife was more than they could bear.”

“So you gave Kelenbah everything?”

“Yes. He was frightened afterward. He was afraid we would be found out. I had not taken the marriage potion, so we both assumed there would be a child. He agreed to marry me. We joined the military right off. We figured once it became clear I was with child we could use the excuse we didn’t like the military and saw this as our way out.”

“But there was no child?”

“No. We were both surprised and relieved, but we were also married. He belonged to me now. He had given up a courtship with the girl he loved for me. I had done that to him.”

“He was a willing player. Let him bear his guilt.”

“But I worked him up! You know how easy it is to do that. Once he was excited, he couldn’t say no to me. He was helpless. It was my fault.” 8

Tavaar remembered her encounter with Shello, when she had tried exactly what Gwihnna did. Kelenbah had given in. Shello had not. She had tried with Shello because she had not tried with Khaiu. Now she knew it didn’t matter. Khaiu wouldn’t have submitted either. As much as she ached for them both, she was glad they had not. She looked again at Gwihnna.

“He could have resisted. Your intent does not absolve him. It certainly does not earn him this.”

“I think it does. He loves me, and he enjoys how I please him. But he feels cheated – and he has been. That is why I allow this. He needs to get it out of his system. I know if he could – lay with you – that would be the end of it. He’s so looked forward to your joining us. Some of the males have talked a lot about you.”

“He promises to stop if I let him lay with me?”

“No. No, he has not said anything. But I know he would. Then we would leave the military and raise our own children.”

“And me behind as some significant milestone in his life? Gwihnna, you make me out to be the most wanton of creatures.”

“I do not mean to! All the same, I do not care. I have decided. You will be the one. I cannot wait much longer.”

“You will wait longer than you think. I have decided. I will not lay with him.”

“But at least take him in your arms. He knows how to please.”

“No doubt. He’s had plenty of practice. This talk is finished. I am leaving for the rendezvous place. You may come or stay.”

Tavaar got up and started to leave. Gwihnna jumped up and shouted after her.

“You will do this, Tavaar! I know you will. Wheylin will not be the only one you ever lay with. That I know for certain.”

Tavaar stopped and turned around. “You are a fool, Gwihnna, and you talk like a fool. I have no intention of ever kissing Kelenbah, much less lay with him.”

“A year ago, did you intend to marry Wheylin? No answer? It will happen, Tavaar. I know it. I do not get them often, but when I do they are never wrong. And right now I have one about you.”

“What?”

“A premonition. You are going to bear a child, Tavaar, and it will not be Wheylin’s. I can almost see the baby in your arms. Wheylin is not there. It is someone else.”

Tavaar felt sick. Several family members were known to ‘see’ the future. Some saw with greater frequency than others, but all had one thing in common: what they saw always came to pass. She couldn’t help it. She had to ask.

“Who is it?”

“I cannot tell. He is a smoky shadow. It is your fate, Tavaar.”9