Tavaar - 10th Edition

So. Tavaar has added her name to the List-of-Hopefuls. I didn't explain that well yesterday. I forget that so much of Tavaar's backstory assumes knowledge from Book I. Allow me to provide a quick lesson on the family's politics.

With the exception of Kelso's mother, Tura, everyone in the community of 29 villages is decended from one of two sets of twin brothers who founded the original Compound 352 years before Book I begins and 316 years before were we are currently at in Tavaar's life. If you go back two generations from the twins then all the lines merge. If you go back one generation before that, even Tura is included. So everyone in Book I (except Prince Johahnen, who is from the nearby Kingdom of Azua) is part of the same family.

The family has divided itself into functional groups, called Lines, which are based on one's general duty within the family as a whole. Originally, there were eight. By the time of Tavaar's birth there are twelve.

Each of the twelve Lines appoints a Sovereign. The twelve Sovereigns make up The Council. The Council's responsiblity is to oversee matters pertaining specifically to their respective lines, and to act as advisor to the Head-of-Family.

The Head-of-Family is just that: he/she is in charge and has the final say on all matters pertaining to the family as a whole. To be Head-of-Family (also called the Presider, for the Head-of-Family presides over The Council) candidates must pass a series of tests. Each line administers three tests, and all tests must be passed in order to be Head-of-Family. In order to compete in these tests, prospective candidates must have their names added to the List-of-Hopefuls. They do this by applying at the Temple with the Chief Temple Keeper. The Chief Temple Keeper then informs the prospective candidate's sovereign and the candidate is brought before their own line and questioned by the elders. These elders will have the final say on whether the candidate's name will be added.

Yesterday we read how Tavaar took the initial step by applying at the Temple. Today we pick up almost immediately following her meeting with Thayna. Tavaar goes to the Great Hall and requests a meeting with Khaiu. Khaiu meets with her in one of the family rooms reserved for entertaining important guests. It's a fairly lengthy passage, even with some minor editing. In the short time I have been in contact with Evil Editor and his Minions (I visit a lot of their blogs) I have learned enough to see this needs a significant rewrite. However, if you wish to comment on the writing, story, whatever, please feel free to do so.

Formatting: Text notes; Text narrative; Blog notes.

As soon as the door closed they kissed again, with passion. They did not release each other after they broke.

“So, you are a flamesword warrior,” said Khaiu.

“How did you know? I only just found out myself,” she said.

Khaiu smiled. “I know because I was told I was being called on by Lady Tavaar. You really should think about putting your name on the List-of-Hopefuls."

“I already have. I just came from Thayna’s office. Oh, Khaiu, I’m so happy! I think all of my dreams are going to come true.”

“I hope so.”

They kissed again, and then she held him tight, as though to never let him go. He feigned anguish.

“Come, girl! You will crush me in your arms.”

“That would be the way to die, wouldn’t it? We could hold each other tight, and kiss each other hard until we just died from so much joy.”

Khaiu laughed. “I admit it has an appeal. However, I am not quite ready to die. Perhaps we should sit?”

She giggled and they released. She took is arm and they walked to one of the settees.

“So, you couldn’t wait to tell me? I’m glad. I’m so proud of you. I wish I could have been there to watch you test.”

“You were on assignment. You were there in heart, though. I felt it.”

“That I was. I knew you would pass. You are magnificent.”

“Is that for swords alone, or does it include other things as well?”

“It includes everything, Tavaar. You have a destiny about you, as I have said many times.”11 (This note states: This may be the first overt display of one of Khaiu’s hidden abilities. It is repeated in a couple of later passages. While not necessarily knowing why or how, Khaiu does have the ability to sense destiny. It was why he pushed Shello so hard – and himself. It was why he added Klarissa and Tavaar to their private training. It is why he does what he does in this passage.)

She leaned forward and kissed him again. “And you kiss marvelously.”

“Thank you. I try.”

“And you succeed.”

She sat back, preparing to speak her heart. “Do you know what my father gave me for becoming a flamesword warrior?”

“I understand you got a carriage.”

“Not just a carriage, Khaiu. A princess carriage! It’s beautiful.”

“I look forward to seeing it.” (According to earlier text, he already did. Sloppy.)

“I could bring it to the Great Hall, to pick you up at your front door. How does that sound?”

“It sounds good. I assume it seats more than two?”

“Yes,” she said, feeling confused. “What does that matter?”

“Well, with Shello and me you have three, and then there is Sashwa and the others. Is there room for all of us?”

She sat and stared at him in disbelief. “Khaiu, how can you be so dense? I think Shello’s right: you are a chicken brain. But that’s all right. I love you anyway. Don’t you understand what I’m saying?”

Khaiu looked confused. “I thought I did.”

She caressed his face with her fingers. “Khaiu, I would not be coming for you and Shello. I would be coming for you. Understand? I want to court you, Khaiu. Then I want to marry you.”

An avalanche of fear fell upon her in repeating blows as Khaiu stiffened and pulled away. He didn’t look at her. It seemed as though he couldn’t.

“Khaiu, what’s wrong?” she asked, sliding herself close to him and trying to put her arms around him. He resisted.

“What are you talking about Tavaar?” he asked.

“I want to court you,” she said, but now her voice was quiet and fearful. Tears were filling her eyes and her throat felt like she was being strangled. Her heart and stomach felt empty – apart from the fear which welled in both.

Khaiu stood. His hands were shaking. He walked to the fireplace and stared into the cold and flameless grates.

“No, Tavaar. I can’t,” he said.

She dropped her face into her hands to cover her sobs, but she pulled herself together and forced herself to stand. She walked to him. He had his back to her. She had intended to make him turn around. Surely he couldn’t say no if he looked into her eyes? Instead, she wrapped her arms around him and leaned against his back.

“Why?” was all she managed to say.

She felt his hands caressing hers and she wept with convulsing sobs. He turned and allowed her to fall against his chest, holding her protectively while she wept. His hands caressed her hair and her back, but when she thought about it she only cried harder. After a long while she was able to conquer her tears. The pain she felt pierced all parts of her being. Her only comfort was the feel of his arms around her.

“I’m sorry,” she said.

“Sorry? Why?” he asked.

“For assuming you love me, and not asking first. I just thought…”

His arms tightened, pulling her into a fierce embrace. She held him back with equal force, holding her breath and burying her face into his chest. She wished she could die right now. Please, Khaiu, she thought, crush me in your arms and let me die now.

“I do love you,” he said.

She looked at him, and they kissed again, harder and with more passion than she dreamed possible. But it was a painful kiss. It was a last kiss. They broke and she caressed his cheek. His hands were on her shoulders. She took slow breaths, forcing her thoughts into obedience.

“There’s someone else,” she said. “I should have realized. I’m sorry. It’s why you haven’t courted all these years, though you could have. I – I thought you were waiting for me. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have been so arrogant. I didn’t mean to be a fool, Khaiu.”

“You are not a fool, Tavaar. And you have nothing to apologize for. You are wonderful and beautiful – and I do love you.”

“But only like a sister, huh?” she said, wiping her eyes.

“Tavaar, I never kiss Arlae the way I kiss you.”

She laughed, despite the ache in her heart. She took a few steps away, wiping her eyes. “Who is it? Or can’t I know? I suppose it’s Klarissa. That makes the most sense.”

“What makes the most sense?” he asked.

“You and Klarissa. You’re the perfect match. You’re both great warriors. You’re both beautiful. Your children will be – wonderful.”

“That’s probably the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard you say.”

She spun about, her eyes wide. Khaiu was shaking his head.

“I’m not waiting for Klarissa, Tavaar. For one thing, she already has a boy: Kiembah. They have been courting for more than a year.”

“But she’s not limited to one boy. You know that. Or are you so proud that you insist on being the only boy?”

“I am proud, but not that proud. No, Tavaar. I am not waiting for Klarissa, or anyone else – including you. Do not be distressed. It has nothing to do with you.”

“Oh, Khaiu, you fool. It has everything to do with me. I want to court you. I want you for my mate. Doesn’t that mean anything to you?”

“It means a lot. And were I ready to accept courtship I can think of no other than you. But you have a destiny, Tavaar. I sense that. I am unable to fathom its exact nature, but it is significant. That is one of the many reasons I chose to coach you.”

Tavaar shook her head and sighed. “So what about Shello and Klarissa? Do they have destinies, too?”

“Yes.”

“Oh, Khaiu, everyone has a destiny.”

“Perhaps. But our destinies are linked.”

“Linked? What are you talking about?”

“You, Shello, Klarissa – and me. We share a common destiny.”15 (The note here states: This was the first of several foreshadows of Tavaar’s relationship with Khirsha. Khirsha would be the focal point linking their destinies. Shello and Klarissa would be his parents. Khaiu would be the father of his closest friend. And Tavaar – would be his lover, his (deleted by me right now) and Marshall General in his fight against the Warlords.)

“What is it?”

“I do not know.”

She stood and considered his words.

“Has it occurred to you, Khaiu, that our destinies are simply that we are meant for each other? Shello and Klarissa. You – and me. Maybe that’s what you’re sensing. Have you thought of that?”

“I have.”

“And?”

“I dismissed it.”

“Why? Because you’re afraid?”

“Afraid?”

“Yes, afraid. You have always been in charge. You organize the training. You set the schedules. You lead us on to greater and greater skills. Always, you are in the lead. But if you consent to courtship that changes. I will have say. I will be in charge, and that terrifies you, doesn’t it? Are you afraid of me, Khaiu?”

He smiled. “Very much so. But not for the reasons you think. Tavaar, your thoughts are following a well-considered path. Please do not think I am critical of it when I disagree. It is just that I am ahead of you on the path. I have already explored the possibilities of which you speak – and others, which will no doubt also occur to you. But I am not afraid to place myself in submission to a lady. In fact, I look forward to it. It is an ache inside which accepts no other balm.”

She went to him and held him. His arms enveloped her. “Then let me be your salve. I can bring peace to your heart, Khaiu. I will. I promise.”

He pulled away. “It isn’t so simple. I do not believe you are destined for me, Tavaar. Nor I for you.”

“Oh, stop it!” she said. “Don’t talk to me of destiny. Our destiny is the results of our decisions. We choose our own. So if you and I choose each other today, then we are destined for each other tomorrow.”

“True. But there is such a thing as missed destiny.”

“Missed? Missed what? Missed who? You just told me you know of no other lady you would accept over me. Well, I’m telling you I know of no other male I will take ahead of you.”

“What about Shello?”

Shello’s name caught her like a slap across the face. She had not expected that from Khaiu. Perhaps she should have. At the bonfires she actually spent more time with Shello than with Khaiu.

“What about Shello?” she repeated, trying to sound ignorant.

Khaiu made a face. “Come off it, Tavaar. I’ve seen the way you two kiss. You play a lot harder with him than with me. You can’t deny it.”

“I don’t deny it. But that doesn’t mean I don’t love you, or even that I love him more.”

“Tavaar, you need not pretend. You and Shello have something. I was there when it happened, remember? Your two destines are connected. I can feel it. Surely if I can, you do.”

“Don’t be telling me who I love!”

“Then tell me you don’t love him.”

She hesitated. “I don’t love him like I do you.”

“That I accept.”

“Thank you so much. So. You’re saying I should marry Shello?” That puts you back
with Klarissa again, doesn’t it?”

“No, it does not. Klarissa’s destiny is bound with Shello’s.”

“How can that be? We can’t both marry him.”

Khaiu chuckled. “I do not believe he could handle that.”

“If we’re both bound to Shello, who do you get? Is there some third lady for you? Manya, perhaps. She’s a great warrior, and she’s prettier than Klarissa.”

“No, not Manya.”

“Then who is it? I could fight her for you.”

“You think that will sway me?”

“Something has to!” She took him in her arms again. “Kiss me, Khaiu. Kiss me long and hard and then tell me you don’t want me. I can please you, Khaiu. You know that.”17 (This note states: This implies a lot. I left it as an open implication because I had long since abandoned the notion that my heroes were perfect people who never sinned. By now, they had all become real people, with the faults, desires and weaknesses of real people.)

“I do,” he said. “That is why I am not going to kiss you. It is why I turn down your offer of courtship.”

“But why? Khaiu, I didn’t come seeking Shello. I cam seeking you. Please, give yourself to me. You won’t regret it. I promise. I will treat you well. You will be happy.”

“Tavaar – maybe some day. Right now, you would be a distraction.”

Tavaar bristled. “A distraction?”

“I have to concentrate on my skills. And not mine only. I have you, and Shello and Klarissa to consider. To let myself be courted – by anyone – will take from that. I have to make sure our skills are established first. Then I can accept courtship.”

“I see,” said Tavaar. “All that mattes to you is swords and training and being best. You will hold me and kiss me, but only when it doesn’t interfere with what really matters. I always thought Shello was the arrogant one, strutting about with his supreme skill. But it turns out I was wrong. You are the arrogant one, with your precious training and lofty goals and visions of destiny. Well, let me tell you something, Mister High and Mighty Lord of Wisdom and Knowledge, you are wrong! You re so wrong! The love of a lady has value, Khaiu. My love has value. It’s worth having. You have no right to cast it away as though it were worthless.”

“I’m not.”

“Then say yes! Khaiu, I love you. Please.”

Her tears had returned. It was the end, and she knew it. There was nothing left if he said no again. She had reduced herself to a beggar. Yet if he would only agree it would be worth it.

“I love you, Tavaar. But I can’t accept your courtship. Not now. In a few years, maybe.”

She roared in anguish, anger and frustration.

“Khaiu, you are so damned irritating! What? I’m supposed to do nothing while I wait for you to finally get your head on straight? Am I so worthless you think I can be set aside like an old scabbard? Just how many years am I supposed to wait, Khaiu? One? Five? Ten? And what do I do in the meantime? Now that you know how I feel, you aren’t going to kiss me again, are you? You’re just going to wait until you are ready. Well, I’m ready now! What am I supposed to do, Khaiu?”

Khaiu looked helpless and utterly distressed. Were it not for the fact she was so angry with him, she would rush to give him comfort. As things were, it was a relief to see him suffer for a change.

“There’s still Shello,” he offered. “You’ve always liked kissing him.”

She screamed. She couldn’t help it. How could he be so dense? After all she had said, he still didn’t get it. It was over.

“Khaiu, you are such a damned chicken brain. Why do I love you? You are so stupid! Don’t tell me who to love!” She went to the doors and opened them. Voices echoed at from the front hall. “Damn,” she muttered. “Is there another way out?”

“To your left. It leads to the stables. Tavaar? Tavaar? Tavaar!”18 (This note states: Damn, it hurt to write this. I don’t know how well it is written, or if anyone else is touched by it, but it hurt like hell to write it. Even reading it as I transcribe it the pain returns, and I am tempted to bring Tavaar back and have Khaiu apologize and agree to courtship. It would save her so many years of grief. But that’s not how it happened.)

Sadly, I must confess that - this morning, at least - I felt none of anguish I felt when I wrote it and later transcribed it from paper to digital. It's amazing what even a little education can do to one's appreciation of their own work. This could be dramatic, but first it needs some work.