Tavaar - 17th Edition

Well, thanks to a good friend of mine I am feeling better and have decided to post another piece of Tavaar's story.

Yesterday I completed the portion dealing with Mehngen's attempted rape. Today is more light, but also fragmented. It's about Tavaar interacting with Shello, providing history to the insinuations made in Book I.

Formatting: Text notes; Text narrative; Blog notes.

They rolled back and forth, each fighting for the advantage. Giggles and laughs revealed who was currently winning. Finally, she had him on his back and he resisted no more. She was astride him, sitting just below his stomach, her hands holding his shoulders down in the hay. Her long, black hair draped down to his face like a gentle rain.

“Gotcha!” she said. “It looks like I win the prize this time.”

“And just what is the prize?”

“You are. You belong to me and I get to do whatever I want with you.”

“For how long?”

She frowned. “How long can you stay this time?”

“Maybe a turn or two. Make it two. I don’t mind being your slave. As long as you treat me well.”

“I will. But you have to behave. And obey.”

“Don’t worry about that. I don’t want my nose broken.”

There is some narrative which identifies the time as a year after the attack.

“I should break your nose,” she said. “You know I don’t like being reminded of that.” Shello gave her an odd look. “What?”

“I think that’s the first time I’ve ever heard you admit there was anything to be reminded of.”

“Yeah, well you know what happened anyway.”

“Not really. I’ve heard rumors, but mostly I’ve had to use my imagination.”

Her eyes flashed. “And what do you imagine happened?”

“Take it easy, Darling. I know he didn’t get what he was after. I doubt he was able to lift your tunic.”

“Is that so?”

“Yes, it is. After all, I know I couldn’t do it. How could he?”

She looked at him appreciatively, then smiled. “You never tried.”

Shello grinned. “I didn’t want my nose broken.”

“I’ll leave your nose alone. Can’t promise about other places.”

She lowered herself to him and they kissed. Shello’s embrace was loving and tight. One hand slid to the seat of her britches, but he made no effort to slip inside her clothes. They broke, but she kept her face close to his.

“Coward,” she accused.

“Yes, well, I have always been honest with you, Darling. I relish our times together, but my focus must be on my training. Besides, you’ve never asked me to officially court. It makes me wonder just how much you really care.”

“I’m not going to ask just to hear you say no,” she said with annoyance. “I want to feel loved, too. If I believed you would agree, I would ask. But you’re not ready, are you?”

Shello’s smile faded. “No. I’m sorry, Darling.”

Tavaar weakly smiled back. Shello was one of two people who regularly called her Darling. In fact, he did it first. The other was Tavaar’s close cousin, and best friend, Sashwa, who originally did it to be funny. It had since become a habit. Tavaar’s reluctance to attempt courtship with Shello was very real, grounded in the memory of what had happened when she had tried with Shello’s elder brother, Khaiu. Khaiu was also very focused on his training and had refused her. She had begged, pleaded and wept grievously, but to no avail. Khaiu had even suggested she seek out Shello, saying he believed they had some hidden connection. Sometimes Tavaar thought she could sense it, to, but very faint, like a rumor of something in the distance. She certainly enjoyed her time with him, being in his arms, holding him in her own. Their kisses were wonderfully passionate. But she wasn’t as sure about Shello as she was about Khaiu. What she was sure of was that Shello would also turn her down if she approached him now.

Shello kept his word and stayed for two turns. Then he had to return to the Great Hall to serve night duty. As he was about to leave, Tavaar took him in her arms again. They kissed and then stood looking at each other. Shello’s hands were on her hips. Hers were clasped behind his neck.

“When should we see each other again?” she asked.

“I don’t know. I’m being assigned to village night duty. That may last until Amaris.”

“What about the next moon? I think Gahrem will have a bonfire. Can you come for that?”

“I doubt it. I’m doing the next two weeks at West Village. Then I move up to North Village. I’ll be there come the full moon. It will be the first days of a new assignment. I won’t dare leave.”

Tavaar frowned. “North Village. That’s where Klarissa lives, isn’t it?”

“Yes. So? Hey, you’re not jealous, are you?”

Tavaar shook her head. “Don’t be silly.”

“You are. Hey. Come here.”

He pulled her to himself and they kissed again.

“Don't be jealous, Darling. Klarissa isn't interested in me. She’s courting Kiembah.”

“Not any more.”3

“What? They broke up? When?”

“I’m not sure. It’s been a while, though. I think I heard about it around mid-summer.”

“I hadn’t heard that.”

“Males don’t pay such close attention to those things.”

Shello smiled. “We don’t have to. The woman has to make the first move. We can’t do anything until she does.”

“You come here to see me.”

“At your invitation. I couldn’t come if you didn’t want me.”

Tavaar sighed and absently caressed his face. “And I do want you,” she whispered. Then she smiled and hugged his neck. “You are so good. You kiss better than any male I’ve known. But you also obey. How lucky is that?”

“It isn’t luck. I told you; I don’t want my nose broken.”

She laughed and gave him a squeeze. Then she let him go.

“Maybe I’ll come see you,” she said. “Okay?”4

“I’d like that. West Village. Remember?”

“I will.” She watched him walk away. He hadn’t gone far, though, before she called to him. “You know, part of me wants to tell you I love you.”

He turned around. “Only part of you, huh?”

“Well, you know how it is?

He walked back to her.

“Do I?”

“Of course. Khaiu must have told you.”

“Told me what?”

“You mean, he didn’t?”

“I don’t know. What are you talking about?”

“About last year, when I approached him for courtship.”

The playful sparkle in Shello’s eyes was gone instantly, replaced with a look of utter revulsion. Tavaar felt alarmed. She reached out and took hold of his arms, as though fearful he would turn and run.

“Shello, what’s wrong?”

He stepped backward, his arms pulling free.

“You asked to court Khaiu?”

“Yes. He turned me down. So what? Shello, what’s wrong?”

“Khaiu’s my brother.”5

“I know he’s your brother. What difference does that make? Shello, I’m courting two boys now, yet you come kissing me. I don’t understand your problem.”

“You don’t?”

“No. Tell me.”

“Khaiu’s my brother.”

“Yes, I know! We’ve been over that. So what?”

“You picked him first.”

Tavaar rolled her eyes. “Is that what’s troubling you? You’re jealous? Shello, you know I’ve kissed Khaiu. In fact, when you both came here together, I would kiss you both at practically the same time. Remember the game we played? I wasn’t always sure who’s hands were on me, or who’s lips I was kissing. How can you be jealous?”

“I’m not jealous!”

“You certainly are, and it makes no sense. Are you jealous of Fehrla?6 I’m actually courting him. Why all the fuss about Khaiu? And don’t you dare tell me he’s your brother!”

“You never asked me to court you.”

Tavaar’s groan was nearly a growl. “Fine. Okay. I’ve wanted to do it anyway. Shello, will you please do me the honor of allowing me to court you?”

“No.”

“That’s why I wouldn’t ask you, you damned chicken brain! I knew you would say no.”

“But you never even gave me a chance.”

“I just did give you a chance, you nincompoop. You said no. Just like your brother. Neither of you has any sense. Shall I ask you again? Is that what you want?”

“No. I – I just want to go home.”

He turned to leave, but she rushed and grabbed him. “Don’t go like this, Shello. Don’t be mad at me.”

“I’m – I’m not.”

“Then don’t be hurt. Come back with me to the stable. I’ll make it up to you.”

“No. I can’t. I have to get back. I’m going to be late as it is.”

“I’ll take you. I’ll order Jamvahn and Hiljam to hitch up my carriage. I’ll take you home in style. We can play the whole way back. Come on. What do you say?”

“No. I want to be alone. I want to think.”

She sighed and rested her head against him. She should never have told him about Khaiu. But she assumed Khaiu already had. She should have seen it was in Khaiu’s nature not to tell. But she had done nothing wrong! Shello was just being childish and stupid. She kissed him (but he didn’t return it) and let him go.

“Okay,” she said. “Go think about it. But think well, Shello. No one has misbehaved.7 Please try to understand. I don’t want you hurt or feeling bad. I’ll still come to see you. Do you want me to come right away, or should I wait?”

Shello shrugged. “Whatever you want.”

“O – o – oh! You’d better get going before you make me angry.” She watched him walk away, torn by a desire to run after him and hold him back, or run after him and kick him in his ass. “Damn you!” she whispered.

3 Isn’t it interesting that Tavaar knew about Klarissa’s breakup with Kiembah?

4 Notice that Tavaar’s confidence isn’t the same as it once was. She’s hesitant and insecure. She fears further pain, and in Shello’s case she can see the ‘writing on the wall’ so to speak. She is also still pining for Khaiu.

5 Tavaar is not the only one with insecurities. Shello has been coached by his older brother all of his life, and though he wins all of their mock battles, part of him may wonder if that is part of Khaiu’s plan. Clearly Shello is intimidated by his brother to some degree. We learn he is completely unaffected by all other boys Tavaar courts and plays with. It would be interesting to learn the game they played.

6 Fehrla is another made up name. I didn't have access to the Archive Database.

7 This is not actually a true statement. Since Tavaar is formally courting, she has no business kissing and playing with anyone other than the boys she is courting. Neither should Shello be kissing and playing with her.