A Lot Going On

I keep thinking about all of the background elements I have let slide the past few months. I think I finished with determining where all 7,400+ people lived every year of their life, but I'm not sure. I know I haven't finished with the military. That is critical if I am ever to make Tavaar's life into a real book.

At the same time I have Book I - currently titled, A Traitor in the Midst - to refinish. By the way, I have yet to have anyone tell me how that title grabs them. I've gone through so many titles that others hate I'm kind of shy about believing I've got a good one.

That I have a good book I do not doubt. That the book is interesting and fun to read I do not doubt. That an agent could sell it to a publisher I do not doubt. That a publisher could make good money off it I do not doubt.

So what do I doubt?

My ability to sell it to an agent when I finish it again. Damn query letters. I wish query letters were living things. I just might commit murder.

I can't sell. I just can't. It has nothing to do with how much I believe in the product. As soon as I'm supposed to convince someone else something is good I lose all enthusiasm. My focus leaves the product and turns to, "Who in the h*ll am I to be trying to convince this person/these people of anything?"

In the meantime, I still have to finish Book I. When I do then, perhaps, I will return to background work.